The new year

So, it's 2008. I didn't do anything to ring in the new year. I stayed home. Again. The last time I went out for new year was 2004 into 2005. I got high that night too. First time. Last time.

Bf is sick, so I'm around the house taking care of him. He's easier to deal with when he's sick and he's more appreciative of things.

Still thinking about my friend. His wife just up and left him because she felt she was wasting her life. She's a mother. She left him with the kids. She wasn't really a friend of mine. The husband is my friend. She was a de facto friend. I hope he's ok. He worked so hard to be a good husband and father. The bitch.

So, I have today off. Wonder what I'll do? Probably nothing. Just check on the bf and play World of Warcraft.

Haven't heard from my boy since his realization of how he feels about me. Loving another guy platonically is a challenge. He's trying so hard not to cross that line. I have a hunch that there is more love there than he is willing to deal with right now. I mean, after all we've been through. I was there for the last 11 years. I was there when he broke things off with his fiancee. I was the person he called to come spend New Years with him. Ok, we can't get together without having sex, so I guess platonically is out. Things run deep between us. I'm just glad that it hasn't scared him away from me. Of course, having a bf prevents me from doing anything with him.

Cheating. It's funny...I always thought cheating was you having sex with another person outside of your relationship. I'm told that cheating is worse when you go outside your relationship for emotional things. I barely talk to the bf about things in my life. I have someone else I do that with. Every night on my way from work, we talk on the phone about this and that. So, I'm cheating after all.

Comments

Wow, you're life is SOO much better than any tv show.

Do me a favour, and break it off with your boyfriend and get together with this Tim fella before the big finale.

When you are in a relationship, and you aren't connecting with your partner emotionally, you may as well jsut be generic aquaintances. If you are connecting emotionally with this other person, and as you mentioned, definitely connecting physically, then I don't see why you shouldn't get together with him.

You don't sound like you're too happy with where you are now in life, Tim probably isn't either, because you sound like you two won't be happy until you are together.

Rob <3
 
WELL...I think you've got the cast of characters confused. Tim is a guy I knew in 96 that I've not seen in a decade. My boy that I referenced in this blog isn't about having a guy / guy relationship right now, so that's kinda out of the picture.

I stay with the bf right now because I did agree to do one thing. Give things a try for a year after I came back. We are at the six month mark and things aren't going well. They could very well turn around. As you're only hearing things from my side, there is other stuff to consider. No, I'm not happy here. But with the things that have happened to me over the years, I'm not even sure if I got with a guy I was really into that I'd be any happier. I'm able to leave on my own right now, but am waiting until I have steady income. Would suck to move out and then end up on the streets.

Gotta be honest. The bf thinks the world of me. Even when we seperate, he's still going to want to be around me. The only TRUE things that get me about this relationship are the things that are causing it to fail. Lack of communication, him being controlling and our lack of meaningful sex. Ok, the sex part is majorly on my end as I'm having sexual troubles in general. He is 16 years older than me and has a set notion as to how the world works. That doesn't fly with me so we butt heads a lot over things.

You can PM or IM me if you want to talk. You've got great insights.

And for the record, 1996 - 2002 my life was WAY more interesting than any TV show. I was sleeping with a lot of guys, making good money, corrupting straight boys...and thru it all...I wasn't happy.

I just think I'm an unhappy person. Gotta work on that in therapy.
 

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Kimahri
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