The reason I seem bitter lately, is it seems like the whole world is falling in love or already in a great committed relationship except for me. That's right I'm feeling jealous; more than that I'm angry; because I deserve some happiness too. It's my turn damn it! I realized a long time ago that I was not perfect. That I needed to work on me inside and outside. I have read dozens of books, (not on dating those all seem to be kinda stupid IMHO). Plus they contradict themselves. I have read and practiced the exercises in self-help books, I've done inner-reflection, gratitude journals, meditation, Sunday School, positive principles, donated time at a soup kitchen, laughter therapy, yoga, positive self-talk, joined a bowling league, taken kickboxing lessons (I really enjoyed that), joined the YMCA (I love to swim), gone on prayer walks, and psychotherapy. If they were still doing EST I probably would have tried that too.:tongue:
Dating is often referred to as a game, and it is. The problem is my favorite game growing up was Parcheesi. The current Dating Game is more like World of Warcraft!
This is a problem for me. The last video game I was any good at was Donkey Kong and I don't think I ever got past the 4th level on that. Currently I am pretty decent at Bejewled2. So you can see how I may be limited for the dating world as it is today.
Anyway, I have all but stolen TattoedMamaMeg's Blog post entitled Why? When I read it, it really resonated with me. I could so totally relate to her.
Why does it seem like no matter what I do I feel like I have to change the essence of my being in order to find a man who will accept and love me?
The weird thing is, people have always loved me. Happy, smart, kind, ethical, couch potatoes, funny, eccentric, athletic, musical, creative, philosophical people tend to gravitate towards me. Which is fine, I love all types of people. :smile: I pretty much get along with everyone.
So what's my problem? I think the problem lies with the fact that I am not stereotypically black. I am not a homegirl or a fly girl. I am not a hip swinging, gum cracking, gangsta/thug loving, Timberland boot wearing female. I LOVE classic Rock; hate rap and hip-hop. I love to dance; but have no rhythm, I am a great cook, I love to cook. My specialty is Italian food; but I can't make fried chicken. :frown1: That's right, I am a black woman who can't fry chicken. The breading never sticks and it's always pinky-red near the bone.
I've tried being more ethnic and it's light years out of my comfort zone. Worse, people black and white laugh at me. Not something I want to try again. I have finally reached that stage of my life where I like who I am, how I talk and the music I listen to, I make no apologies for any of it. Why, must I be pigeon-holed? I know that people listen to me talk, look at my stance, my clothes, and assume that I'm some pretentious snob. That I've never had to do with out or clip coupons and that just isn't true.
I like nice things, that's how my parents bought me up. So if you come to my home please don't be put off by the Mercedes in the garage (it's moms, not mine) or the fact my my closet looks like the Day After Christmas Sale @ Saks 5th Ave.
I am not opposed to a glass of white wine with dinner occassionally. I do not gamble or smoke, and do not like to be around smoke of any kind. (I'm asthmatic) I haven't touched an illegal substance since I was 20. All I did back then was smoke pot at parties sometimes, and I never purchased it.
I am college educated and I've always done well in every job I've ever had. I am the consummate team player and an excellent manager.
So what's the deal? When will I meet a good man. A man who will love me flaws and all; and accept me rather than being repulsed by me, or worse thinking he needs to beat me down emotionally and break my spirit?
For chrissakes, I'm a cancer survivor!
How many more years of my life will I spend being misunderstood and alone?
Dating is often referred to as a game, and it is. The problem is my favorite game growing up was Parcheesi. The current Dating Game is more like World of Warcraft!
Anyway, I have all but stolen TattoedMamaMeg's Blog post entitled Why? When I read it, it really resonated with me. I could so totally relate to her.
Why does it seem like no matter what I do I feel like I have to change the essence of my being in order to find a man who will accept and love me?
The weird thing is, people have always loved me. Happy, smart, kind, ethical, couch potatoes, funny, eccentric, athletic, musical, creative, philosophical people tend to gravitate towards me. Which is fine, I love all types of people. :smile: I pretty much get along with everyone.
So what's my problem? I think the problem lies with the fact that I am not stereotypically black. I am not a homegirl or a fly girl. I am not a hip swinging, gum cracking, gangsta/thug loving, Timberland boot wearing female. I LOVE classic Rock; hate rap and hip-hop. I love to dance; but have no rhythm, I am a great cook, I love to cook. My specialty is Italian food; but I can't make fried chicken. :frown1: That's right, I am a black woman who can't fry chicken. The breading never sticks and it's always pinky-red near the bone.
I've tried being more ethnic and it's light years out of my comfort zone. Worse, people black and white laugh at me. Not something I want to try again. I have finally reached that stage of my life where I like who I am, how I talk and the music I listen to, I make no apologies for any of it. Why, must I be pigeon-holed? I know that people listen to me talk, look at my stance, my clothes, and assume that I'm some pretentious snob. That I've never had to do with out or clip coupons and that just isn't true.
I like nice things, that's how my parents bought me up. So if you come to my home please don't be put off by the Mercedes in the garage (it's moms, not mine) or the fact my my closet looks like the Day After Christmas Sale @ Saks 5th Ave.
I am not opposed to a glass of white wine with dinner occassionally. I do not gamble or smoke, and do not like to be around smoke of any kind. (I'm asthmatic) I haven't touched an illegal substance since I was 20. All I did back then was smoke pot at parties sometimes, and I never purchased it.
I am college educated and I've always done well in every job I've ever had. I am the consummate team player and an excellent manager.
So what's the deal? When will I meet a good man. A man who will love me flaws and all; and accept me rather than being repulsed by me, or worse thinking he needs to beat me down emotionally and break my spirit?
For chrissakes, I'm a cancer survivor!
How many more years of my life will I spend being misunderstood and alone?