The reason I seem bitter lately . . .

The reason I seem bitter lately, is it seems like the whole world is falling in love or already in a great committed relationship except for me. That's right I'm feeling jealous; more than that I'm angry; because I deserve some happiness too. It's my turn damn it! I realized a long time ago that I was not perfect. That I needed to work on me inside and outside. I have read dozens of books, (not on dating those all seem to be kinda stupid IMHO). Plus they contradict themselves. I have read and practiced the exercises in self-help books, I've done inner-reflection, gratitude journals, meditation, Sunday School, positive principles, donated time at a soup kitchen, laughter therapy, yoga, positive self-talk, joined a bowling league, taken kickboxing lessons (I really enjoyed that), joined the YMCA (I love to swim), gone on prayer walks, and psychotherapy. If they were still doing EST I probably would have tried that too.:tongue:

Dating is often referred to as a game, and it is. The problem is my favorite game growing up was Parcheesi. The current Dating Game is more like World of Warcraft! :eek: This is a problem for me. The last video game I was any good at was Donkey Kong and I don't think I ever got past the 4th level on that. Currently I am pretty decent at Bejewled2. So you can see how I may be limited for the dating world as it is today.

Anyway, I have all but stolen TattoedMamaMeg's Blog post entitled Why? When I read it, it really resonated with me. I could so totally relate to her.

Why does it seem like no matter what I do I feel like I have to change the essence of my being in order to find a man who will accept and love me?

The weird thing is, people have always loved me. Happy, smart, kind, ethical, couch potatoes, funny, eccentric, athletic, musical, creative, philosophical people tend to gravitate towards me. Which is fine, I love all types of people. :smile: I pretty much get along with everyone.

So what's my problem? I think the problem lies with the fact that I am not stereotypically black. I am not a homegirl or a fly girl. I am not a hip swinging, gum cracking, gangsta/thug loving, Timberland boot wearing female. I LOVE classic Rock; hate rap and hip-hop. I love to dance; but have no rhythm, I am a great cook, I love to cook. My specialty is Italian food; but I can't make fried chicken. :frown1: That's right, I am a black woman who can't fry chicken. The breading never sticks and it's always pinky-red near the bone.

I've tried being more ethnic and it's light years out of my comfort zone. Worse, people black and white laugh at me. Not something I want to try again. I have finally reached that stage of my life where I like who I am, how I talk and the music I listen to, I make no apologies for any of it. Why, must I be pigeon-holed? I know that people listen to me talk, look at my stance, my clothes, and assume that I'm some pretentious snob. That I've never had to do with out or clip coupons and that just isn't true.

I like nice things, that's how my parents bought me up. So if you come to my home please don't be put off by the Mercedes in the garage (it's moms, not mine) or the fact my my closet looks like the Day After Christmas Sale @ Saks 5th Ave.

I am not opposed to a glass of white wine with dinner occassionally. I do not gamble or smoke, and do not like to be around smoke of any kind. (I'm asthmatic) I haven't touched an illegal substance since I was 20. All I did back then was smoke pot at parties sometimes, and I never purchased it.

I am college educated and I've always done well in every job I've ever had. I am the consummate team player and an excellent manager.

So what's the deal? When will I meet a good man. A man who will love me flaws and all; and accept me rather than being repulsed by me, or worse thinking he needs to beat me down emotionally and break my spirit?


For chrissakes, I'm a cancer survivor!

How many more years of my life will I spend being misunderstood and alone?

Comments

Ok, first you are using the books all wrong. Take the books, throw them in the hearth, douse liberally with charcoal lighter fluid, and torch.

No book is going to tell you how to be you and in my experience people know when you are the product of a Dr. Phil drivel ridden self help manual and when you are being you. I still haven't seen a picture of you and I have a great attachment to you.

Why?

Because here, you are you. The wife is sitting here watching me type this and saying, "Get her out here and she and I will go out for a night?"

That's love right there because I am going to stay home with the kids so the wife can go out with you and get you back out to become the you we on this forum love.

You have my number (I think you do). All you have to do is call and give me a flight number and we will pick you up at the airport.

My wife and I spent many years bitter, alone, unloved, unsexed, and pretty unfulfilled. I will keep telling you this. WHAT YOU DESIRE WILL FIND YOU!
 
He said it best, Osiris, but on the other hand,when I was bored
I would go check out match.com & yahoo which is free match is not!
I would read thru hundreds of ads,make a list,do you fit even slightly into this list? Yes,send them a wink,or a short letter,saying lets have coffee.
No more no less. Coffe can give you an idea of how much you may click
or not and if he sucks,you say,well I gotta go now thanks for the coffee.
I think you gotta put yourself out there too.
It's how I found my last two husbands!
You find them,don't wait for them to look for you girl!
Eddy was too shy to talk to me,he thought I was way out of his league,{his words} and I would refuse him,Imagine that! I saw that he kept looking at my profile every day so I finally said; Hey are you Chuck? "He said
No but I could be if you want me to!" I thought he was an old friend.
And here we are today three almost three years later.
It's not all good he has issues and I don't like to budge, stubborn as the day is long! but we'll make it or, perhaps we won't but I won't stop trying.
I know this isn't a great love story but it's my story. And it can be your story too,baby!
cigarbabe:saevil:
 
You shouldn't be bitter in the least; I do know how you feel though. The majority of my friends are all married, I have a couple of single friends who prefer the bar scene over anything else. Sure, I enjoy going to a bar, but I'm not an every weekend bar hopper. Keep being yourself, there's not anyone else out there who can tell you what you need to do to be happy and if anyone asks you to change those things then they're not the right person for you.

I think so many people screw up in their relationships because they don't go into those relationships looking at the good within a person, instead, they go into those relationships hoping and looking for things that they can change in that person to make them their ideal spouse.

These days dating is more of a game. You should see the odd looks that I get when I ask a gal out and their response is "Sure! I know this club that all of my friends go to and"; that's where they lose me. For me, a date is not seeing how many friends you can gather up to accompany you to a bar. Dinner, movie, time to share moments and not side stream smoke from an overcrowded bar...that's a date.
 
Hang in there babe. Great women are always unappreciated. We all go through those down periods in our lives. Some last a few months, others last a couple of years. Things will get better. I can't say when but I can say it will happen. In the meantime keep up those things that make you happy, confident in the knowledge that all will be better eventually. It can't rain all the time.

P.S. I know that last line is from "The Crow" so there's no need to point out my plagiarism.
 
Heya sweetie!!
Your analogy on modern dating is PERFECT!! When I read that, I literally fell out of my chair laughing so hard because it's so true!! You're not alone. Even this cowboy finds himself riding off into the sunsets all alone, constantly wondering if he was born into the wrong time frame where cowboys are no longer understood or appreciated. *SIGH*

But never give up and never surrender. Something will happen even if you have to make it happen.
 
Posted by EagleCowboy: But never give up and never surrender. Something will happen even if you have to make it happen.

Hmm, maybe I should move to Texas. :flirt:
 
I understand exactly how you feel. I have to believe there is an answer.
This is a big universe and there is plenty for everyone.

Where is mine?

I hope you find your happiness with someone who will genuinely love you from the inside out. That is not too much to ask for.

xoxo Terry
 

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