The void

The void is not something I can compete with.


I try to at least. What is it that he is trying to fill with buying all the stuff? What does he get out of the clothes, shoes, stuffed animals and other stuff he is collecting?


Why can’t he hear and understand that this is a cycle and we have been through all this before? Shouldn’t he have an emergency fund? Shouldn’t we pay the house off first? How about the credit cards?


Shouldn’t he get his vehicle tip top before buying more crap that takes up space or the new decor for the bathroom?


Why is there such a confusion of needs and wants? Where is the desire to hear my conversation every year for the past ten years to accomplish long term goals together and where is that desire to build a solid foundation?


I always get the promise but the action is lacking. Am I a fool for hoping? For giving chance after chance?


Sometimes there is a little movement, but then there is a complete movement backwards. Am I trying to change something? Am I trying to pull you from the edge?


Does the food fill the void? I watch you make unhealthy decisions but you don’t want to hear it. You don’t like me nagging, but I still do. Maybe not as loud as the past but I still try.


I ask for walks, or to go out just so you can feel the air outside, to get a break from being inside. You never want to. You don’t want to exercise. I don’t understand.


Am I failing you? Is something I do making the void worse?


What void are you trying to fill, that I am not good enough to fill? We have this conversation and I just can’t figure it out. Why can’t we work together for a more solid future so things are easier as we get older?


The things we don’t say but yet we know are there. Why do we ignore these issues, or why will you not communicate with me when I try to help or bring them up?


When I try to express myself, why do I get shut out? Why the silence? Why do I get pulled into the void? You know how I feel about it. It just seems to get bigger, until there is that step forward.


Am I creating this void, or is it something I am falling into? Have I just enabled it to get worse? I believe it was here before I walked into the picture nearly 20 years ago and it is still here. Is this why marriage is a bad idea? What won’t you tell me and why can’t you share?

What can I do my love?

Comments

Trending is the Age of Aquarius; it comes in it's time and supplants the previous age. There is always conflict at the beginning and if you can gauge your movements through this time, everything will sort itself out.

Disruptive forces will try to have their way but regroup your forces and when in a relationship, you must contially try to remember the attraction that brought you together. If you cannot longer feel the excitement there are few choices that can be made but to embrace change instead of each other...
 

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MyHardBigDick
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