That workout yesterday did me a little bit of good and I actually got a full 7 hours of rest without Rx sleeping pill. Went again today but I really didn't feel like it as I really wasn't feeling the company of anyone. But I did go and went hard on a dozen machines, twice. But I had a feeling for most of the day and I haven't been able to shake it. Even thru the laughter and comraderie I couldn't shake the feeling, it's just there. I even asked myself if I was sad, upset, or what...? No to each. I saw that post holiday stuff was on sale. A whopping 75% off! Nothing but crap left. The holidays were great. Thinking back to Thanksgiving and Christmas puts a smile on my face. Finally, there it is as I stood in Walgreens searching for the right pill for my aching knees. A lump forms in my throat and I swallow it down fast. An electric jolt shoots down both arms. Deep breaths makes that feeling go away. It dawns on me....I still have that hurt. Deep down it's still there. I sat in my car and took a couple of pills for my knees and thought of how I've always been the one to make changes for others and given them whatever they wanted. Always willing to please. And how no one has ever gone the distance for me, taken the chance or even really given me the chance unless it's by their rules, time, leisure, or whatever. Guess I'm just not that kind of chick for anyone. Don't get me wrong, no pity party goin on over here. Life is good and I'm grateful to have made it this far. Just my thoughts......