Two important questions tonight.

Why don't I have any best girlfriends to ask these questions?
Boyfriend asked to take a break three weeks ago. Since then calls me every day and sees me every week. Same amount as before, just no sex. Not that there was much of that before anyway. Says, I feel like I've failed you. I haven't been the man I could be. But I love the man you are. I just need to be alone right now. Is there someone else? No, I don't know anyone else. Is it me? No, it's not you. You're my best friend. Is it that you never want to get married? I don't know what I want.
Well, I know what I want. I want to get turned out and not have to think about it. I wish it was with him, but that's not likely. Hell, I'd be happy with just catching someone's eye and being reminded that a girl like me doesn't come along every day. Thinking to myself, please, let there be some other reason he doesn't want to be with me than that I'm not good enough, and please, let it be worth the loss of him. I'm tired of feeling like a black sheep no matter where I go. I'm not a farm girl, I'm not a suburban mommy-in-training, I'm not a gym bunny, I'm not a small town slut. But I feel so out of practice, and so unmotivated to practice. Just thinking of starting over with anyone but him makes me want to go to bed and never get up again. And that's why I know I have to go out tonight.
Still have an ass, tits, and something approximating a waist, but on top I've added that old sweet sense of insecurity and too many brownies. Tried to flirt with the tattooed junior high teacher I met a year ago at the bar where he works weekends. Chickened out. Ended up having quesadillas and beer with my main gay in the corner. Not the worst alternative. Wore jeans and a sweater and my Chucks. I should mention, it's not a fancy bar, but none of my fancy clothes fit at the moment.
Two important questions tonight. Do I go to a Latin dance class? Or do I go to a rockabilly show? One thing is not a question. I will get my pretty little ass foxed up tonight but good.
Sorry if this isn't really what LPSG is for. I just needed to get it out and I can't really tell my girlfriends these things.

Comments

Do what feels right for you tonight. And remember, you are single so have fun and live it up! And update us on what went on. Whether it be good, bad or sad. So chin up and bottoms up! ;)
 
My honest answer: 1) for tonight go to the class. 2) Get out of Modesto. Go somewhere bigger. Sounds like you are not where you fit in... be somewhere else.
 
I'm sorry you're having such a hard and confusing time. I think we all feel this way at times. We all want to feel that we are special, if only to one person.
All the best.
 

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Vainglorious
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