I sorta feel bad. Not a whole lot, but a little. I've mentioned that my bf hangs on a site for older to meet younger. I know he's talking to a couple people, but don't know who and what about. Anyway, I was surfing profiles on there and found a cute 23 yo that has a profile that I liked. I sent him an email this morning asking if he'd be interested in talking as friends. The bf will not know about this.
I spend a lot of time trying to find guys to connect with. The sex thing isn't such a big deal. I've had A LOT of it over the years. I missed out on building quality relationships with guys that don't involve sex. It's not like I didn't have the opportunity to make them. I was just your stereotypical gay guy, going from bed to bed. In retrospect, I miss some of those guys I'd met. Some really did want something meaningful with me and I brushed them away.
The bf and I don't meet in any meaningful way. Other than having some stability in my life, there is little reason to stay. Not even because of the things with him, but the things with me. I'm not really ready to be in a relationship. I've got to find and become comfortable with myself. He's no help with that at all. He can't be. He simply doesn't...or can't understand what is going on with me. Trust me, I'm not thrilled to be in this situation where I need to have supportive people around me. I very much enjoyed facing the world alone when I was younger. Being bipolar and needing people now simple bothers me. I think this is some sort of punishment for something I did wrong years ago.
It's at times like this that i miss the straight boys I was close to in college before I got deep into my gay lifestyle. Sean was a great friend. And he was totally comfortable with my being gay. I suppose it's a shame that the bf and I can't really connect. I can't see how much longer this will go on with the two of us sitting on opposite sides of the spectrum.
I spend a lot of time trying to find guys to connect with. The sex thing isn't such a big deal. I've had A LOT of it over the years. I missed out on building quality relationships with guys that don't involve sex. It's not like I didn't have the opportunity to make them. I was just your stereotypical gay guy, going from bed to bed. In retrospect, I miss some of those guys I'd met. Some really did want something meaningful with me and I brushed them away.
The bf and I don't meet in any meaningful way. Other than having some stability in my life, there is little reason to stay. Not even because of the things with him, but the things with me. I'm not really ready to be in a relationship. I've got to find and become comfortable with myself. He's no help with that at all. He can't be. He simply doesn't...or can't understand what is going on with me. Trust me, I'm not thrilled to be in this situation where I need to have supportive people around me. I very much enjoyed facing the world alone when I was younger. Being bipolar and needing people now simple bothers me. I think this is some sort of punishment for something I did wrong years ago.
It's at times like this that i miss the straight boys I was close to in college before I got deep into my gay lifestyle. Sean was a great friend. And he was totally comfortable with my being gay. I suppose it's a shame that the bf and I can't really connect. I can't see how much longer this will go on with the two of us sitting on opposite sides of the spectrum.