So in my last post I mentioned how my only sister was dying from breast cancer. She passed away a few days later on March 4th. She will be missed by all especially her Mother, Brothers, Husband of 15 years, and 3 children.
Things have been hard. She was my best friend. Out of our entire family, my father and my sister were closest to me. They knew better than anyone and understand all my many quirks. So needless to say I am having a tough time. There is a quote that says "the worst part about being strong is nobody ever ask if you are okay, and when they do, you burst into tears". There is so much truth in all of this. I have been told for the last year that I "have to be strong", well I have been strong. I have had to be here for my mom, brother-in-law, nieces and nephew and other brothers, and when I do show a sign of weakness, i get the "you have to stay strong". Nobody has asked if I was okay, or how I was doing. Not to sound selfish (because I'm really not), I don't think anyone has realized that in the last year I have lost both of my best friends. When my father died, I felt like I had no one else who understood me or had my back but my sister in Milwaukee, now she is gone, I again feel like NOBODY has my back or understands me. But because I AM strong, and my family is most important to me, I will continue to be as strong as I can for them even as I battle with my own personal issues.
Speaking of those personal issues. Is it wrong that I am looking for just a casual dating experience with a guy. I have never dated a man before and want to try. I say that, and I feel like whatever guy I end up dating is going to be my little "experiment" and they would be wasting their time. Is it wrong? Should I feel like I would be treating a guy like an experiment?
Things have been hard. She was my best friend. Out of our entire family, my father and my sister were closest to me. They knew better than anyone and understand all my many quirks. So needless to say I am having a tough time. There is a quote that says "the worst part about being strong is nobody ever ask if you are okay, and when they do, you burst into tears". There is so much truth in all of this. I have been told for the last year that I "have to be strong", well I have been strong. I have had to be here for my mom, brother-in-law, nieces and nephew and other brothers, and when I do show a sign of weakness, i get the "you have to stay strong". Nobody has asked if I was okay, or how I was doing. Not to sound selfish (because I'm really not), I don't think anyone has realized that in the last year I have lost both of my best friends. When my father died, I felt like I had no one else who understood me or had my back but my sister in Milwaukee, now she is gone, I again feel like NOBODY has my back or understands me. But because I AM strong, and my family is most important to me, I will continue to be as strong as I can for them even as I battle with my own personal issues.
Speaking of those personal issues. Is it wrong that I am looking for just a casual dating experience with a guy. I have never dated a man before and want to try. I say that, and I feel like whatever guy I end up dating is going to be my little "experiment" and they would be wasting their time. Is it wrong? Should I feel like I would be treating a guy like an experiment?