Update number...?

On Monday my wife had a meeting near my office, and afterward she stopped by for a visit. She never, ever does that because 99% of the time our workplaces are about an hour apart.

Marjorie wasn't there at the time, and my wife and I went out for iced lattes.

Later that day I told Marjorie she missed a chance to meet my wife and go out for coffees.

The next day I had an early meeting. I walked into my office afterward and Todd came in. "Did Marjorie talk to you about going for coffee?" he asked.

"No," I replied, "Are you going to that new place?"

"I don't know. I don't think so," he said.

"No, she didn't say anything to me, but I literally just walked in the door. And I've got another meeting in about ten minutes," I said.

A few minutes later as they left she looked at me quizzically, as if wondering why I wasn't going, like she didn't really want to go with Todd by herself. Well. Humph. She never goes for coffee with Todd.

The next morning, she came into my office first thing and said she desperately needed to get breakfast and wanted to know if I would go along. So, yes, I went.

That was yesterday. It was kind of a weird day. After she brought her breakfast back to the office, it was obvious she wanted to eat and had a lot to do, so I left her alone.

Then she called me in later in the day to discuss some serious work stuff. As the discussion was winding down, and we started talking about non-work related things, there were some long pauses. It was as if neither one of us wanted to break the conversation, but we had run out of things to talk about. Some long awkward pauses where she just kind of looked at me. Maybe she was just really tired and zoned.

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Your posts about Marjorie really confuse me.

Sometimes you speak about her as if you are talking about your partner/significant other/lover (or possible lover wanna-be)

You've never said anything at all derogatory about her. Do you think you are infatuated with her? I especially like the "Well. Humph. She never goes for coffee with Todd."

Do you think I am reading too much into your posts, or do you think my gut instinct if pretty spot on in this complex story?
 
Betty_Cocker;bt113244 said:
Do you think I am reading too much into your posts, or do you think my gut instinct if pretty spot on in this complex story?

If your gut instinct is to be confused, then yes. You're spot on.

I'm confused, which is why I write it down, to help process it.

What derogatory things would I say? I like her. It's the first time in about 20 years that I'm working closely with a woman who is attractive both physically and personally. We have a lot in common. And I constantly feel myself putting on the brakes so nothing goes wrong.

She's married, I'm married. It's not like we could go on a couple dates, see that it would or would not work, and remain friends.

At the same time, I get (unfortunately) excited when she texts me.
 
just curious... are the two of you peers or is she a subordinate of yours? Are you in a position of authority over her?

The reason I ask these is for you to consider the possible consequences of becoming extremely close to a subordinate. Thinking about some of the personal issues that the two of you have discussed, it does seem to appear that the two of you are very close. It's all good to be friends at work, but I suppose it is my background as a manager to understand that subordinates should not get comfy cozy with the boss. It can cause all kinds of trouble.

Even if nothing is amiss, people talk. All you can do is deny, but if there is an appearance of a close relationship, people will believe what they want.

It's just dangerous, especially if there ever comes a point in her work where she may need to be disciplined. You could find yourself conflicted trying to decide whether to risk upsetting her by doing what is right or just letting it slide.

I'm sure you can't imagine that it might happen, but it does. People begin to get so close they tell each other secrets and then one of them may cross the line (either slacking on their work or getting too affectionate and inappropriate)... then what? Seems I remember the very first post about this woman....she was behaving very inappropriately with you at work and you seemed to be justifying the actions.

You have indicated that you are sure to keep that line drawn, but what if? What then?

Your posts confuse me and they leave me with a sense of impending danger.

I'm also sure others here will say "Hey, go for it. If it feels good and if you are being faithful it's all good..." But my concerns are more with having a truly productive working environment.
 

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