Utter heartbreak

I should have seen it coming, but I was honestly blinded. I should have noticed things like not wanting to spend $50 to mold me your dick, the lack of our bedtime routine of blowing each other a kiss goodnight, or maybe I should have paid more attention to the assholish behavior I watched creep in. I should have gone with my gut feeling that it wasn't going to work. I removed all my comments off your pictures, removed my background of your smiling face, contemplated deleting the file of all the pictures you've shared with me over the months. I see no point to it anymore. This is heart break, something you'll never experience because you fear. I showed you that you were lovable, maybe that's where I went wrong. Maybe I should have acted neurotically like the other girls in your life, maybe you would have loved me then.

I don't even know what to do. I want to remove this pain as quick as possible, removing you from my life would be the easiest route and something I'm used to, but then that would destroy the friendship aspect you hoped to keep. I don't even know what friendship is... I only understand guys wanting me sexually. I don't keep friends, I have acquaintances and fuck buddies.

I don't know how the dynamic is going to change, as far as I knew you never seen me as more than a friend and I just blindly loved you because it came naturally. What is it now, how am I supposed to act? am I not supposed to share intimate stuff with you? am I not supposed to ask to see you on webcam? Someone tell me what the fuck happened? Where did it go wrong?

I don't want to trust you anymore, you couldn't even tell me that it would never work in the first place. 10 months of believing you'd accept being loved, wasted.

Thanks. :frown1:

Comments

sorry TK...venting on your keyboard is a good thing though...hope you feel better and not ALL guys are douchebags like Mr. "pay for my own dick/dildo mold" - keep searching...
 
Oh, wow. I'm really sorry about that. Fucking tool, douchebag.

He deserves hell in a can.
 
Hey TK whats happened to all the bragging about stealing peoples boyfriends etc etc etc even stealing GAY boyfriends at that!

I miss those dirty days.

Well dear, IF any of it is true then I can only hope it teaches you a valuable lesson about people, relationships & EMOTIONS.

Sadly, I doubt it.
 
Kick her while she's down guys, what the fuck? Vent on her in a different place! I don't have a problem with you personally but get some fucking class!
 
I'm soooooo sorry love, so very sorry. :hug:s to you Tink. Men can be such player assholes.
 
Kink, he sounds like a user. You're pretty , sexy and he took you for granted. Good luck, and be careful.
 
Thanks everyone, it's been a few hours since crying, I'm at least talking to him and things aren't horribly bad. :)
 
I said it already. You read it already. Thats all that matters. Put me on ignore if u dont want my opinions...
 
I should probably clear somethings over. He isn't a douche bag, player, tool, nor does he deserve hell in a can. He's someone I care about, so I understand you're harsh reactions, but he's nothing as to what everyone has stated. He's a good guy with some strict reservations.

I've come into his life and turned everything he knew upside down. I did to him what he didn't think possible so I can understand his reactions. It's not everyday you get told your loved. Some people can't accept that and I was secretly determined not to give up on him. It was a combination of things that made me emotionally explode last night and this was strictly a draft of what I was feeling at the time. I blog because I don't have anyone to run to, there is no one there to hold me when I hurt.

I still care about him and will try my best to make sure he stays in my life, as friends should.
 

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B_Think_Kink
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