Wanted

So yeah hey guys :biggrin1:

I'm in a weird place right now, figured I should get some advice from all you cool people haha.

On the positive side of things, I reckon I look pretty good right now. The gym has been paying off, especially on my shoulders and I have more of an athletic look about me. I'm making some progress (quite slow since my hours got cut) on my savings for my 2014 trip to Europe. Went to the beach on Friday and I now have a decent tan which always helps.

However the negatives...

The gym has helped my muscle but I haven't pulled much fat off my body which was the main purpose behind me joining. I've also been terribly unmotivated for the gym lately, probably for that very reason. Work has crossed over into the frustrating zone since I discovered that a) I won't have a job when I get back if I go on my planned exchange to Greece and b) I apparently need to work on my social interaction with my co-workers because I supposedly have no sense of their personal space - even though I always try to keep a sensible distance. Also I've lost 4 hours per week since I started, causing me to lose out on minimum $500 so far.

I'm feeling confident-ish in myself but still don't have the self-confidence to believe that I could get one of the many hotties around uni to go out with and/or sleep with me. The main issue though is that I don't feel wanted or needed in the slightest right now. Work don't seem to need me judging by their reaction to my planned exchange and neither do my friends after they bailed on two events I'd planned that they said they were keen for (some of them had good reasons, some didn't).

When I was younger (8) I was a major bullying victim which still has lingering effects on my self-confidence and self-worth. I didn't have a real group of friends until I was like 15 and now I'm in the weird position where I have plenty of friends but I still feel lonely since it feels like I end up investing more in the friendships than they do. I want to be wanted...not only by my friends but by someone romantically/sexually too. When I see couples together I have this urge to scream and this dull ache in my heart as I think "Why isn't that me?" When I see someone who surely isn't as appealing as I am pick up in a club I have those same feelings.

Even my best friend is now spending approximately 99% of his time with his girlfriend with the other 1% being work (slight exaggeration but you get my drift) so I don't get to see him much either. We used to spend ages chatting in the car after one of us drove the other home from our hangouts and now he's always got her around so I don't get those chats.

I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting or what but all I know is right now I don't feel wanted and I don't know what to do.

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HunggGreek
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