So, I took today off to go to the doctors for blood work, physical and flu shots. The doctor called out this morning, so I stayed home for nothing. As I hadn't planned on having the day off, I have nothing else to do except sit here and watch the world go by.
The bf still hasn't touched me sexually in about a week. I was going stir crazy, so I touched myself. (Wasn't that a song title?) It was kinda rushed, but it did "reset" the body. I never really knew that there were so many factors that can affect your sex drive and erection strength. I always used to think about sex and bam....instant hardon. Now, not so much. But when I look around my life, I see nothing but stress. Most of which is my fault, but still.
Today is the bfs birthday. I started out the day "in a bad mood". So, he thinks I forgot and am going to be in this kinda mood for the rest of the day. Not so. I just was waiting for him to get out of the house so I could try and set something up. Well, no "surprise" party as everyone has stuff to do and it's a Tuesday. Who plans a party on a Tuesday anyway? Anyways, I got him a card and a little knick knack until I can get him his big present.
About fidelity. It's getting hard staying monogamous. I know he's not doing it and it makes me feel stupid for still doing it. But, I don't really want to be out there fooling around with this guy and that. Well, I don't really want to fool around with the bf either all that much. So much has gone on between us. I'm hanging on for dear life to something that I know was long over. We still go thru the motions of being a couple, but we both know we really aren't. We differed in a lot of ways. I think that's part of why things are failing. I'm a big old horn dog. Even at 37, I am horny the better part of the day. I don't jo much, nor do I get to have sex much, so I'm pretty grouchy most of the time. Our interests are so alien to the other.
I know. I should get outta here. But my conscience flares up. He's an older guy. There are a lot of guys into older guys, but it never seems like the right reason. They are looking for a "daddy" and seldom see the person for whom they are. I don't need, nor do I want, a daddy. I think that's another part of our problem. I won't let him solve my problems. I don't tell him much about them, so he can't interfere with me solving them myself. Maybe that's a little TOO independent. I don't know. I don't want his money or to have him take care of my bills for me.
I know not all relationships that have an older member are daddy/son relationships. But, he exclusively hangs on silverdaddies.com. With a site name like that, what else can the younger person be looking for?
Maybe it's not my concern. The bf already told me that I don't want him anyway. It's a combination of both our faults. I'm an asshole and he's a compulsive liar and habitual cheater. That odd couple thing only works on TV.
The bf still hasn't touched me sexually in about a week. I was going stir crazy, so I touched myself. (Wasn't that a song title?) It was kinda rushed, but it did "reset" the body. I never really knew that there were so many factors that can affect your sex drive and erection strength. I always used to think about sex and bam....instant hardon. Now, not so much. But when I look around my life, I see nothing but stress. Most of which is my fault, but still.
Today is the bfs birthday. I started out the day "in a bad mood". So, he thinks I forgot and am going to be in this kinda mood for the rest of the day. Not so. I just was waiting for him to get out of the house so I could try and set something up. Well, no "surprise" party as everyone has stuff to do and it's a Tuesday. Who plans a party on a Tuesday anyway? Anyways, I got him a card and a little knick knack until I can get him his big present.
About fidelity. It's getting hard staying monogamous. I know he's not doing it and it makes me feel stupid for still doing it. But, I don't really want to be out there fooling around with this guy and that. Well, I don't really want to fool around with the bf either all that much. So much has gone on between us. I'm hanging on for dear life to something that I know was long over. We still go thru the motions of being a couple, but we both know we really aren't. We differed in a lot of ways. I think that's part of why things are failing. I'm a big old horn dog. Even at 37, I am horny the better part of the day. I don't jo much, nor do I get to have sex much, so I'm pretty grouchy most of the time. Our interests are so alien to the other.
I know. I should get outta here. But my conscience flares up. He's an older guy. There are a lot of guys into older guys, but it never seems like the right reason. They are looking for a "daddy" and seldom see the person for whom they are. I don't need, nor do I want, a daddy. I think that's another part of our problem. I won't let him solve my problems. I don't tell him much about them, so he can't interfere with me solving them myself. Maybe that's a little TOO independent. I don't know. I don't want his money or to have him take care of my bills for me.
I know not all relationships that have an older member are daddy/son relationships. But, he exclusively hangs on silverdaddies.com. With a site name like that, what else can the younger person be looking for?
Maybe it's not my concern. The bf already told me that I don't want him anyway. It's a combination of both our faults. I'm an asshole and he's a compulsive liar and habitual cheater. That odd couple thing only works on TV.