Wasted day off

So, I took today off to go to the doctors for blood work, physical and flu shots. The doctor called out this morning, so I stayed home for nothing. As I hadn't planned on having the day off, I have nothing else to do except sit here and watch the world go by.

The bf still hasn't touched me sexually in about a week. I was going stir crazy, so I touched myself. (Wasn't that a song title?) It was kinda rushed, but it did "reset" the body. I never really knew that there were so many factors that can affect your sex drive and erection strength. I always used to think about sex and bam....instant hardon. Now, not so much. But when I look around my life, I see nothing but stress. Most of which is my fault, but still.

Today is the bfs birthday. I started out the day "in a bad mood". So, he thinks I forgot and am going to be in this kinda mood for the rest of the day. Not so. I just was waiting for him to get out of the house so I could try and set something up. Well, no "surprise" party as everyone has stuff to do and it's a Tuesday. Who plans a party on a Tuesday anyway? Anyways, I got him a card and a little knick knack until I can get him his big present.

About fidelity. It's getting hard staying monogamous. I know he's not doing it and it makes me feel stupid for still doing it. But, I don't really want to be out there fooling around with this guy and that. Well, I don't really want to fool around with the bf either all that much. So much has gone on between us. I'm hanging on for dear life to something that I know was long over. We still go thru the motions of being a couple, but we both know we really aren't. We differed in a lot of ways. I think that's part of why things are failing. I'm a big old horn dog. Even at 37, I am horny the better part of the day. I don't jo much, nor do I get to have sex much, so I'm pretty grouchy most of the time. Our interests are so alien to the other.

I know. I should get outta here. But my conscience flares up. He's an older guy. There are a lot of guys into older guys, but it never seems like the right reason. They are looking for a "daddy" and seldom see the person for whom they are. I don't need, nor do I want, a daddy. I think that's another part of our problem. I won't let him solve my problems. I don't tell him much about them, so he can't interfere with me solving them myself. Maybe that's a little TOO independent. I don't know. I don't want his money or to have him take care of my bills for me.

I know not all relationships that have an older member are daddy/son relationships. But, he exclusively hangs on silverdaddies.com. With a site name like that, what else can the younger person be looking for?

Maybe it's not my concern. The bf already told me that I don't want him anyway. It's a combination of both our faults. I'm an asshole and he's a compulsive liar and habitual cheater. That odd couple thing only works on TV.

Comments

Why aren't you out there getting some sex. man?

He is out there fucking whomever he pleases. And you are there wanting to celebrate the dude's birthday...and he doesn't give you as much a handjob.

If he isn't giving you any, go and get you some dick, man. Get you some fuck buddies or some gay friendly straight dudes.
 
Well, he also has a lot more time to get out there and do stuff. I sorta work and he's home all the time by himself.

But, you're right...I need to get out there and get some.
 
What ru doing hanging around with some old guy? I am about the same age as you and hot young 18-20 something guys love me.
 

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Kimahri
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