I've been asking myself this question over and over again for the past few years but even more so in recent times. "What is a friend?" I don't think I've ever had to answer that question before and as a result, I'm ill prepared to event attempt to find an answer. I always thought that friends were people that stayed in constant contact with you. They were people that could always make you feel better when you're down. Friends were someone that you could call and talk or even meet an hang out with. They were people that you had plenty of things in common. All of these concepts led to a great friendship or that was what I was always led to believe growing up.
Thinking back the past few years has made me realize that two things: a) I was somewhat right or b) I was horribly, catastrophically wrong. I think I may have been right because the few people that I have called a 'friend' at some point or another, have always had at least one thing in common. We liked the same music, or went to the same school or had the same interest, etc. We were able to talk on more than one level for extended periods of time without feeling awkward. We enjoyed and looked forward to talking to each other and loved just seeing one another when possible, no matter how busy our lives were. The bottom line is that we always had fun. I think it was belief in this ideal that may have been my downfall because gradually, all of my 'friends' started disappearing in my life. We either became too busy to stay in contact or we just grew apart. All of which left me bitter, hurt and surprised. Maybe I didn't do something I was supposed to do. After all, friends shouldn't disappear and they shouldn't go their separate ways without saying anything to each other. I am guilty of both of those sins and I refuse to lie to myself and say otherwise but I haven't always been this way nor have I always done this to potential friends.
I remember a time when I welcomed everyone into my life. I loved meeting new people and learning about different ways to observe life. I guess I was doing something right because everyone seemed to like me and would never really cared if I hung around them. That all changed in high school. I saw truly how backstabbing, conniving and deceitful people could be. People rejected me without even getting the chance to know me. People that did know me eventually just turned their backs on me and left me behind. They just quietly shunned me away like I didn't exist. All of this left me quite shocked. I didn't change anything. I wasn't the asshole jock, or the snitch or anything else. I was just me and with 'me' being rejected, kicked and bruised, I simply stopped trying to be nice. School became routine, boring, long and miserable. I attended the fewest amount of functions possible and even skipped my Prom. I couldn't face going there and seeing all of those assholes and attempt to be nice with them. I honestly think I left without a single person to call friend. I only had 'close associates' at best, and even they were few and far between. While most people are happy and somewhat sad to graduate and move on, I woke up in a horrible mood. I couldn't wait to get home and every second that I had to spend there, put me so much closer to just being sick. I hated that time in my life and that was made worse with family problems. During that time, and even now, I had to endure everything by myself. I had become used to people drifting in and out of my life and even disappearing altogether. But I know that a friend doesn't/shouldn't do those things. I also know that I honestly don't even know what a friend is...
So for anyone reading this, I ask you, what is your definition of a 'friend'?
Thinking back the past few years has made me realize that two things: a) I was somewhat right or b) I was horribly, catastrophically wrong. I think I may have been right because the few people that I have called a 'friend' at some point or another, have always had at least one thing in common. We liked the same music, or went to the same school or had the same interest, etc. We were able to talk on more than one level for extended periods of time without feeling awkward. We enjoyed and looked forward to talking to each other and loved just seeing one another when possible, no matter how busy our lives were. The bottom line is that we always had fun. I think it was belief in this ideal that may have been my downfall because gradually, all of my 'friends' started disappearing in my life. We either became too busy to stay in contact or we just grew apart. All of which left me bitter, hurt and surprised. Maybe I didn't do something I was supposed to do. After all, friends shouldn't disappear and they shouldn't go their separate ways without saying anything to each other. I am guilty of both of those sins and I refuse to lie to myself and say otherwise but I haven't always been this way nor have I always done this to potential friends.
I remember a time when I welcomed everyone into my life. I loved meeting new people and learning about different ways to observe life. I guess I was doing something right because everyone seemed to like me and would never really cared if I hung around them. That all changed in high school. I saw truly how backstabbing, conniving and deceitful people could be. People rejected me without even getting the chance to know me. People that did know me eventually just turned their backs on me and left me behind. They just quietly shunned me away like I didn't exist. All of this left me quite shocked. I didn't change anything. I wasn't the asshole jock, or the snitch or anything else. I was just me and with 'me' being rejected, kicked and bruised, I simply stopped trying to be nice. School became routine, boring, long and miserable. I attended the fewest amount of functions possible and even skipped my Prom. I couldn't face going there and seeing all of those assholes and attempt to be nice with them. I honestly think I left without a single person to call friend. I only had 'close associates' at best, and even they were few and far between. While most people are happy and somewhat sad to graduate and move on, I woke up in a horrible mood. I couldn't wait to get home and every second that I had to spend there, put me so much closer to just being sick. I hated that time in my life and that was made worse with family problems. During that time, and even now, I had to endure everything by myself. I had become used to people drifting in and out of my life and even disappearing altogether. But I know that a friend doesn't/shouldn't do those things. I also know that I honestly don't even know what a friend is...
So for anyone reading this, I ask you, what is your definition of a 'friend'?