What the bf hides

So, I find it amusing that I asked the bf who he was IMing and he logged off really quick. Makes you wonder, just what is he hiding? There's been a lot of things that have gone on between us. I'd not be surprised if he went and was fooling around with another guy and then coming home and sleeping with me. I fully believe I mean something to him, but with my sex drive off like it is, he's likely out finding someone else to satisfy his "urges". It's funny, he wants to eat his cake and have it too. That won't fly.

The sex drive issue has always been an issue. Sex has always been more important to him than it has been to me. Outside of what passes for sex between us, there is little to this relationship. There is no common interest or anything like that. We have no real reason to be together. Yet, here we are. People say opposites attract. Sure, I'll go along with that, but there has to be some sort of common ground.

The bf frequents www.silverdaddies.com. He says that he just looks at the profiles and pictures. I can't say a whole lot because I come here. I'm also on the gay myspace and a couple of gay gamer sites. Both of us are in positions to be meeting other guys. The difference between us? I'm not going to lead him on that things are fine between us while entertaining new guys. He did that. When things were going badly in Aug - Sept, he started talking to other guys and slept with me and said, "I love you." and the whole nine yards.

And, those of you that read this will wonder...why are we still together? Therapist says it's because I have some feelings for the bf. But, I'm forced to wonder. Just how long will that be able to support keeping this relationship? I already broke up with him and left once in May. I have a sneaking suspicion that if things don't change around here, I'm going to leave again.

And I won't tell him before I leave. If he wants to keep secrets, I'll do the same.

How childish of me. No, I'll give him the courtesy that he didn't give me. Out of the two of us, I'm the bigger man. I've not lied to him about stupid shit. In fact, I've not really lied to him about anything. He lies about a lot of things. Both great and small.

Why am I still here?

Comments

Hmmmm sounds like the relationship i was in. He to was "just looking", turned out he had the morals of an alley cat. I caught him several times cheating on me, but deceided i to was going to be the bigger man, i stayed faithfull. I made he wear condoms when we played around, he wasnt to happy about that, then when he made the comment, "its jsut sex" i told him, yeah, well aids is just aids. You want to play around, fine, with me your wearing a rubber.
Finally i had enough and i ended the relationship, i walked away from our condo and all the contents. My well being was of more value than anything else. As for my ex, we where together 6.5yrs and have now been separated for 9 yrs, yes we still love each other as freinds, each of us knowing if one or the other gets in trouble we are there for each other, but thats where it ends. Yes i do miss his 9", but life goes on. Thats what toys are for.
As for your sex drive being low, whats stopping you from giving him a hand job, or bending over, or even oral?
 
Nothing "stops" me other than low interest in him. It's unfortunate, but when I have problems with people for whatever reason, I end up moving away from them emotionally and sexually. We've had so much stupid crap go on between us that I'm surprised I came back.
 
Ok so nothing stops you. You have just said that there has been alot of crap in your relationship with him. So either piss or get off the pot..meaning, either end the relationship and move on with your life or stop bitching about everything, get some couples councilling and see if there is anything left between the two of you. You have pointed out what "he" does, what about you? It takes TWO to make a relationship work and it takes TWO to end it. I was great at pointing out what my ex was doing or had done while together pretending i was the angle, but i wasnt. We had a good talk after our realtionship ended, cleared the air and have both moved on.
 

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Kimahri
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