When is the right time to say Im not interested....

The fun of internet chatrooms is that you meet all kinds of people from all walks of life. Chat should be easy going and comfortable for all parties concerned. Sometimes chat flows and you meet common ground very quickly. Sometimes it takes longer to gel. LPSG is of course very different to the chatrooms we encounter for example, with our own isp, because everyone knows it's a sex website, so the content is going to be flirty or even dirty in its content eventually.. which is absolutely fine because we're all participating on an equal footing. Or so I thought!

What if you read a profile and the person contacting you is not immediately in the criteria of what you would like to flirt and be dirty with? Do you reply in a light and airy fashion, thus giving off the impression youre interested in knowing them better (perhaps leading to false hopes) or are you honest from the outset and hope that they will be adult enough to accept your preferences?

Ive experienced both ends of the scale lately. For instance my personal preference is that I do not like to talk in a sexual manner with men under say 34-35. My comfort zone is with older guys. I have lots of friends/colleagues younger than this in my life but I have no intention of discussing sexual matters with them and value them for what they bring to my life outside of my sexual exploration. I cherish my real time friends no matter what age they are so don't throw the ageist card at me! Older men are just more of a turn on and thats all there is to it!

Without exception the young men I have said this too have said hey no problem and we have bid one an other a cheery goodbye and 'have a nice day'. So the direct approach has worked for me. Sometimes age has not come into the conversation until later but even when they have revealed their age to me and Ive explained my preferences, these clever young guys have accepted it for what it is without a single insult.

However there has been a downside which makes me sad. After an initial conversation in LPSG im, me and another guy moved it on to chat via msn for an hour or more a couple of weeks back. It was a really pleasant evening but when the time came for me to leavem I said my nights and went on to do something else. From that point during the rest of the evening, this guy kept on imming me. At first, not being rude, I answered the ims. Then as it became annoying I began ignoring them and then found I had pm messages from him on LPSG and I thought for my own comfort just don't reply or encourage him. Surely that's a big enough hint that there was not going to be anymore one to one contact? I have pm'd or immed members and had no response but have not felt the need to persist in approaching them. I simply accept that I'm not within their criteria either. Its not a lose of face is it?

Anyway back to the story...Not satisfied with me ignoring him, he embarked on a lot of snide comments the last couple of times I went into a chatroom until I had to ask him to move on this evening when his presence was becoming intolerable. Not a very nice experience! But one lives and learns.

Ironically this same evening another guy immed me and from his profile I saw he was bisexual and asked him if this was correct. He said yes but he preferred women. I said well thats a turn off for me - again personal preference. After I told him this I typed enjoy the rest of your day xx and closed the im. He too began making snide remarks in the chatroom. And worse still he jollied up with this other guy!! I had to smile at one point because it looked a bit like the first wives club movie!! At one point the bisexual guy made up a complete head story of what my life must be like offline to be in a chatroom! The two of them, bolstered by each others attack on me made a bit of a pathetic spectacle but couldn't see it!

Come on - there should be no superior attitudes as to why your presence on LPSG or it's chatrooms is more important than mine nor any reason for to speculate on my reasons for being on it just because I don't want you in my ims or pm's.

You wouldn't expect a waiter to keep piling on the parmesan when it wasnt to your liking or you had enough - so why is it a big deal when you're honest about your sexual preferences and are open? Or indeed when you have indicated a conversation has gone as far as its going to go

All things happen to give us life experiences but there is no easy way to say 'youre not my type'. So when is the right time to say I'm not interested - without getting into a heavy scene?

Claire xxx

Comments

Sadly stuff like this happens on sites like this Claire, some men feel having chatted to you once they have an entitlement to chat to you every time they want, some if you say no you don't want to chat feel that somehow they've been cheated - you're a woman on a sex site, they have a right to the conversation they want when they want. When this happens to me I usually say something in the room like 'are you going to sulk all night because I said I don't want to talk', it doesn't often take much to shut them up, the rest of the room usually has a fair idea why they're sniping at you anyway.
 
You wouldn't expect a waiter to keep piling on the parmesan when it wasnt to your liking or you had enough - so why is it a big deal when you're honest about your sexual preferences and are open? Or indeed when you have indicated a conversation has gone as far as its going to go
All things happen to give us life experiences but there is no easy way to say 'youre not my type'. So when is the right time to say I'm not interested - without getting into a heavy scene?
I'm so glad you posted this! I have had this happen a few times as well. I hate it when a guy who seemed normal and nice enough in chat, IM's me on yahoo and turns into a bizarre, fetish freak. :eek: Then they get upset when I say I don't want them pissing on me, nor will I piss on them.


I never know how to extricate myself w/o seeming like I was leading them on. I know that in truth they were the ones doing the luring but when I say no thank you the response is often a series of nasty IM's & PM's. :confused::mad:
 
I think you have a pretty good idea what to do...And SpoiledPrincess's comment was right on. I've never really understood guys who turn mean when rejected...even when the rejection was soft and sweet. And it always amazes me how easily some guys can feel rejected, often when it does not exist or in situations where they should have had no expectation of intimacy or exclusivity. But give a human a penis and...oila! Dead brain cells! I have only one more thing to say....Wanna get married?

LOL
 
My first marriage proposal on LPSG!!!

You're always so wise Princess! Thanks for being encouraging once again! I've not been asked to do anything too wild but to be perfectly honest (and they know who they are) my longtime chatmates from LPS have been nothing other than polite and wonderfully mannered. Perhaps my gut instincts when chatting to the mean ones was the right move and I ended convo before it got a chance to really start if this is how they react!
 
The one point of confusion I have is that you said you talked to a bisexual guy that preferred women and that was a turn-off. If he preferred men, it seems like he wouldn't be interested in you at all. Wouldn't you want one that was, at the very least, 51-49 in favor of women? Gotta explain that one to me.

That aside, I've had that happen before. You don't want to be a dick and say "go away, toad" but some people don't take a hint. They get caught up in the fantasy. The reality is, it's cyberspace chatroom fun. Nothing more. Why they think it's the start of a long-term, future marriage is beyond me. Take it for what it is. If you set yourself up with high expectations in a sex chatroom, you're only going to get burned when things don't turn-out the way you plan. Obviously you're not the one that needs to hear it but I'm just giving you my thoughts on the matter.

You reacted to the situation just fine and couldn't have don't anything more. You certainly weren't in the wrong for not being interested. How can you control that stuff? Some guys are into breasts, some are into legs. It's one of nature's great mysteries. You like who you like, no other explanation for it. I'm 10 years beneath your age requirement for sexual talk and I've got no problem with keeping off the subject with you (or anyone else that thinks I'm too young). Everyone has age limits on that stuff so it seems like the guys you talked to would understand. Totally reasonable. I think you just had bad luck. Not everyone on this site is as cool as me. It happens.
 
Noted! Explanation 1. A man who has had sex with another man is a turn off for me regardless of his preference for women. I like 100% straight. I do not think 20 somethings are valueless in my life, as stated. My children are 20 somethings and I live amongst their culture so learn from that and whatever else they have to offer in a non sexual way. Same as my 20 something colleagues et al. However I have seen my children and their friends grow up and although I accept they are sexual beings it's just too weird for me! I only see them as people I want to be a mothr figure to. |Same as my son says to his friends 'dont speak to my mother, don't ask my mother for anything, don't tell jokes with her.. in fact my mother doesn't exist! I can empathise with him because he can't cope with the fact THEY find me attractive!!! Its considered cool to see everyone as 'ageless' but the fact remains they are not and I like my self imposed comfort zone which is all that counts in the long run - my comfort.
 
OK I was really confused before. Pfffft girl I understand completely. I can't even think about sex stuff with a girl my parents age (55). It's weird, like you said. Obviously sex doesn't end at that age and I hope I'm still "active" then but even talking about it THIS much is causing my dick to shoot into my body.
 
OK I was really confused before. Pfffft girl I understand completely. I can't even think about sex stuff with a girl my parents age (55). It's weird, like you said. Obviously sex doesn't end at that age and I hope I'm still "active" then but even talking about it THIS much is causing my dick to shoot into my body.
I know just how you feel HUGOB! Imagine my horror upon discovering my parents, who are in their late 70's are still sexually active and that dad does not need Viagara.:eek: Sometimes mom talks too damn much. :tongue:
 
well we differ there - I like the thought that my parents and even grandparents made love together right up till they died. Much to my mothers horror I once asked my gran if she still did it and she said ooh yes if grandad can be bothered to climb on! I think perhaps the comfort of talking to your elders about sex skips a generation! Her response to me was affirmation that sex is important and vital at any age. Even my children are well aware that me and their dad are VERY active sexually and as long as we don't actually give details it gives them a sense of our togetherness too. Perhaps its because non of my friends (to my knowledge) found either of my parents fanciable, whereas my sons friends have no qualms about using the word milf in earshot. The squirmy feelings come from me imagining my sons friends sexually and his horror of me reciprocating his friends lustiness! Its just not right!!!
 

Blog entry information

Author
Fantasy FeMailme
Read time
4 min read
Views
245
Comments
9
Last update

More entries in General

More entries from Fantasy FeMailme

Share this entry