Women and Fellatio

I saw a thread the other day entitled, "Do Women Really Enjoy Sucking Cock?", and as I thought about my own experiences and feelings, I realized my answer would be better posted as a blog entry than as a forum post. So, here goes...

Unfortunately, based on my experience, most women really are absolutely clueless when it comes to sucking cock. Not all women, but most. We are socialized to believe that if we're giving a guy head, he'll love anything we have to offer. Most women are more open to giving blow jobs early in a relationship (while they're still trying to impress the man), but as time goes on and they grow more secure in the relationship, they'll dwindle to giving head only on special occasions such as the guy's birthday...if they even do it then.

I believe it's incredibly unfortunate that so many women simply don't know what a powerful aphrodisiac fellatio can be for both partners. In fact, they will persist to their dying days in believing if they take their lover's cock in their mouths at all, they're doing the man a huge favour, and he'd better appreciate it.

I know some women who have even been told by their male lovers that there is no such thing as a bad blow job.

If you don't know this already: there is definitely such a thing as a bad blow job. Men who say there isn't are either very inexperienced, or they're lying. End of story.

And if the extent of your "blowjob" skills is essentially giving him a hand job while sucking on the head of his penis, then you need to face facts, sweetie -- you are giving bad blow jobs.

Having said all this, I must admit that despite my sluttiness, for years I, too, was affected by cultural attitudes about sucking cock! And I really believe that the attitudes limiting women in this area are more cultural than religious, therefore they affect women across the board -- if you were raised in modern Western Culture in the 20th century, and you're a woman, you were probably conditioned to believe there is something wrong with you if you actually like giving oral sex and get pleasure out of it for your own sake, and not just from giving pleasure to the man.

I don't remember where or when I first heard that it's okay not to like the way a man's penis looks, that penises are actually quite ugly, and that women really aren't supposed to like them, but I know I got those messages repeatedly, both overtly and covertly. It goes without saying, then, that if women aren't supposed to like the way penises look, they definitely shouldn't want to put them in their mouths. (Ewwww - gross!!!)

So, until about six years ago, I was under the spell of the pervasive and tragic urban myth of female revulsion to male genitalia. And although I enjoyed most sex acts, I really didn't enjoy giving head. I was one of those women who did it as a favour to her husband and on special occasions. I also believed I was quite good at it, in the way many women believe they are. I was not motivated to improve my technique, either, as my ex-husband (apparently influenced by the same cultural views as I) felt very lucky to get oral sex at all, and was not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak.

Intriguingly, however, even though I didn't like giving head in real life, ever since I first began to have sexual fantasies, sucking cock was a major component. I would say up to 40% of my fantasies involved forced fellatio. I have climaxed countless times with visions of oral rape dancing in my head. Granted, I'm a submissive, so I would guess that amount of cocksucking fantasy (and the conditions involved) probably isn't the norm for most women. But what I realize now is that one of the reasons the fantasies held such a charge for me was that I really do love sucking cock, and I want to suck cock, but I thought I wasn't supposed to. So, in my fantasies, being forced to do it enabled me to do what I really wanted to do anyway, which was worship cocks with wild abandon.

The fact is, I'm a complete cock slut. I simply will never get enough cock. I'm addicted to the feel, taste, look, smell, and everything else about them.

Only after I started reading women's erotica did I realize I was not alone in being a woman and loving cock. This gave me the freedom I needed to let my inner desires out, get down on my knees and knock myself out giving my husband the best blow job I possibly could. And once I admitted I loved it, I got a lot better at it, very quickly.

One of the things I have learned (mostly from reading online forum posts) is that gay men have completely different expectations than most straight men when it comes to the quality of oral sex they are receiving. Many men would probably view most women's efforts as laughable. Here is a quote from a gay man on the subject:

"Guys that are into sucking can not only take a 10" dick all the way down their throat, but they can hold it there and swallow, contracting their throat muscles along the entire shaft of the dick."

If you are reading this and have never heard of anything like it, I assure you it is true. You can pick your jaw up off the floor and realize that either you have been giving less-than-superior oral sex, or you’ve been on the receiving end of it.

Granted, not every woman is blessed (or cursed?) enough to have a lover with a 10” dick. And there are sometimes anatomical limitations, such as the size of the woman’s larynx and/or the thickness or curvature of the man’s cock. But I was able to overcome the limitations imposed by my ex-husband’s curve, and later the limitations imposed by my current husband's size, and I believe the majority of women could deep throat most cocks, if they were motivated enough.

I’ll also add that since becoming more involved in the BDSM lifestyle, I’ve come to realize that on average, submissive women are more skilled at giving head than vanilla (non-submissive) women, and that most experienced heterosexual male Dominants expect high quality blow jobs from their subs. So, in this way, the BDSM community is a bit different from the population at large.

I’ll write another post sometime about deep throat technique, but here I will say that the first few times I successfully DT’d my Master, he was so overwhelmed with sensation that he didn’t know what the swallowing (contraction of throat muscles) was. When I told him, he was shocked and amazed, but thereafter could identify the sensation easily.

He says it’s like being inside a vagina (my lips and tongue working near his base) but in addition, it feels like there’s a fist inside of that vagina that squeezes his head and upper shaft repeatedly.

And I’m sorry, but no pussy does that...not quite. No matter how skilled a woman becomes at controlling her PC muscles, they can't produce a sensation that mimics having one's cock literally swallowed.

Another thing I've learned is that a women (or a man), should never, ever grow too "cocky" about their fellatio skills. This is because every man is a little bit different, and sometimes even when you think you know a man well, there is something you could be doing better, if only you were willing to pay attention.

After I got really good at sucking my ex's cock, I thought I knew everything. Then I watched, really watched one time as he got himself off...and realized I had a few things yet to learn. I learned them, and then I thought I knew everything.

Later, after my divorce, I went down on my current husband for the first time, and it was as if I knew nothing at all. Granted, his substantial girth was a new challenge it took some time to get the hang of, but that first time, event though I was keeping my teeth off him and stimulating him as well as I could (I hadn't learned how to swallow his cock yet), I could tell I was giving him pleasure, but I could sense that I wasn't quite "on" in terms of what he wanted. He soon said, "Let me show you how I like my cock handled..."

So. Watching him will tell you a lot about how he likes it the best...and what made one guy really go over the edge may not do anything for the next guy.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

So, what I will say to men is: don't settle. And if for some reason you have to settle, at least don't encourage mediocrity! You can be truthful and say "that felt really good", but don't lie and say "you're really good at that" if she isn't! And use diplomacy. Saying "I would love to feel your tongue fluttering along my shaft while you suck me", and then moaning in appreciation when she does it, will increase your pleasure and improve her skills, while avoiding any mention of lack of skill on her part.

In addition, whatever you do, don't spout bullshit about there being no such thing as a bad blowjob. Any time you say that to a woman, you are giving her zero motivation to improve her skills, which is not good for her, or for you.

To women, I will say this: it is not only okay, it is great to enjoy a man's penis -- the taste, touch, scent, and everything else about it. It is not only okay, but it is great if you want to put it in your mouth! Go ahead! Enjoy yourself. Give yourself permission to be wildly slutty. After all, what do you have to lose? Do you really think that if you give your man a better blowjob than you've ever given him before, he won't respect you in the morning?

Comments

:08: As a neophyte, I once threw a "but that's my forte!!" pout when a partner informed me he preferred long licks and tongue swirling to deep throat. I was incredulous, just certain he had not experienced *my* version of deep throat. :no:

Evolving with each partner was something I had to learn after focusing so much on refining technique. But I got over myself and realized I'm giving pleasure to him - not as an exhibition of skill, but a connection with my partner. Now I continue to refine technique, but also keep in mind the difference between a good and knee-buckling blow job is the tailoring of it to tickle and work the hot spots of a particular lover. Not just giving generally satisfactory head or deep throat, but understanding his body, responses, and bringing in his fantasies (hands-free, guiding me by my hair, face-fucking, etc) as well.

Then there's also the love of cock and giving blow jobs. I, as well, can't get enough of either.
 
Thank you for posting. Spot on in every respect. Suddenly I feel the need for more in my relationship in this regard.
 
Another thing I'll add, I think being able love giving head is more important than being able to give good head. A bj that consists of a hand job while sucking on the head of his penis doesn't sound bad too me since I'm a 9 x 6 so a deep throat bj probably isn't possible for me. However, there are women that give good head but don't like giving it and only wants to give one as a reward. I would much rather have a woman who gave bad head but loved giving it than to have a woman who's good at but hates it.
 
You make excellent points, blazblue. I think that the desire to suck cock is, ultimately, more important than skill. I do disagree partially with your "handjob while sucking on the head" statement. I can get a good 5" of just about any man's cock in my mouth, and work at least that amount of it, because I've overcome the first gag reflex and can take it just to the point of where I would have to swallow. So even if I couldn't swallow you, I could stimulate the top 5" of your cock (much more than just the head) with my mouth, then use my hand to stimulate the other 4" of you. Where do women like me live? Everywhere! You just have to find one near you, or figure out how to bring forth the inner cock slut in the woman you already have. :wink:

Very insightful comments, FLAG -- I couldn't have said it better myself. :smile:

And dick, I hope you get what you need. :biggrin1:
 
LOL That's all well and good but that's just you. Being that every woman is different I don't think being able to deep throat should be the end all to a good bj even though its a great skill to have since every guy had different equipment. While you can get a good 5" in, there are those that can only get 4" in or less. I just that there has to be other ways a woman can give good head while improving her skills when a deep throat bj isn't possible.
 
Just WOW! What a great post! Very intelligently written! While my husband and I aren't into the BDSM scene, I can relate to almost everything that you said! Well done!
 
Nice post! One of my goals this past year was to improve my oral skills. I have definitely improved, but I know I need to learn to deep throat and I am not there yet. Still working on the gag reflex.
 
Great blog! You should write a series or teach a class on the art of cock sucking. You understand that cock is not just for looking at and putting in your pussy! Good job!
 
For me getting my cock sucked isn't exactly about the feelings of it, or how much it feels like a pussy. I like the dom/sub aspects of it.

Also, I rate a blowjob on obvious love of doing it. It is something that can't be faked. I can tell if a girl likes giving head or not, and that counts for a whole hell of a lot. Indeed, the only thing I really like about deep throating is the effort.

But in my experience, the best blow jobs are when the girl knows exactly when you are about to blow, and then she stops and starts edging you for as long as she wants. That is ecstasy. So yeah, I actually prefer the "jerk and lick method" to deep throating, honestly. Or should I say, I like more the "jerk and knob polish"

Looks like someone else wrote something similar, but it's not posted anymore.
 

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