You don't say?

  • Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last

  • I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

  • Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it's usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies. ~ Jim Morrison

  • I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. ~ Johnny Carson

  • Don`t you hate it how so many stunning cocks can easily turn into so many moronic dicks?

  • Supposedly I was created in god's image. I don't know... you'd think god would have a bigger penis than this. ~ Anthony Myers

  • Men are like small children. You bring a new one home and the ones already there resent it.

  • Whenever I hear the saying 'Tit for Tat', I can't help but think, 'Way to go, Tat' ! ~ Alex Calkins

  • It's true that all men are pigs. The trick is to tame one who knows how to find truffles. ~ Lev L. Spiro

  • Men are like fine wine — they all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd like to have dinner with. ~ Anonymous.

  • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

  • I think the reason guys like women in leather outfits so much is because they have that new car smell. ~ George Fara

  • Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z... Wait, shit. ~ JonTG

  • Memo to co-workers: Anyone who thinks my hanging mistletoe from my exposed penis is sexual harassment can just blow me ! ~ Brad Simanek

  • When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

  • Guy, naked in front of the mirror: 'Two inches more, and I would be king'
    Wife: 'Two inches less, and you'd be queen'

  • Well, see, I was out with this chick last night, and we were in bed, and she groaned to me: 'Give me nine inches, and make it hurt!'. So, I fucked her twice and slapped her.

  • Even if you can hit a glass on the table four out of five times when you're clipping your toenails, women will never truly appreciate your skill. ~ Clynch Varnadore

  • This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man'. I said: 'Oh, a gay trucker ?' ~ Judy Tenuta

  • OK, basically, I'd give a testicle for that. Not necessarily one of mine. But you get the idea.

  • FUCK, that's what all the girls ever say to me. Though, usually, they add 'OFF' at the end. Sometimes it's between 'DON'T' and 'ING TOUCH ME'.

  • I'm married, but I don't wear a wedding ring because I've found that it tends to give women the impression that I'm unavailable. ~ Bill Muse

  • No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman." ~ Honoré de Balzac (1799—1850) French novelist

  • I love women. I love every bone in their body. Especially mine.

  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ~ Milton Berle

  • I woke up the other morning at 4:00 am to find some woman banging on my door. I was like, WTF ?... So I got up, and let her out. ~ Neo

  • A man who won't lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings. ~ Olin Miller

  • How can you say I'm not sensitive, baby? Look, I've been writing you a poem about our love. I just need to finish this one line. What's a romantic word that rhymes with 'penetrate' ? I've already used 'fornicate' and 'humiliate'." ~ Damon Milhem

  • The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is: What does a woman want ? ~ Sigmund Freud

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