You just never know.

So Christmas morning I beat the rest of the house to waking up. I turned on the news as is my morning ritual and there was a news story about a multiple murder in Carnation. Side note: Carnation is about 20 minutes east of where we live in Woodinville. This is a very tiny town and a very tight knit one at that. So when you have the murder of a grandmother, grandfather, father, mother and two children (both under 5), it really shakes this town because everyone knows everyone.

Now let's move to the 26th. I am watching the news and more info about the murder is released. My jaw hits the floor, not because the murderer is the daughter, sister, and aunt to the victims, but because I know the girl involved. I can't call her a personal friend of mine, but she hung around my first house I lived in when I first moved to this area. She was friends with one of my roomies. They would come and party, she was a nice girl. Kind of to the shyer side, but nice and fun to talk to. Her boyfriend was a drug using mess and I am not surprised that he was also involved in this crime.

So now as I shake off the initial shock, I am hearing the girl confessed to killing her own parents, her brother and sister-in-law, and stood by as her own niece and nephew were gunned down by this psycho (he shot them point blank in the head). I am sick to my core to even think I was anywhere near people who could do such a cold blooded, disgusting, and reprehensible crime like this. To make matters worse, the crime was over money.

I'm now asking am I more offended by the people themselves or my own ineptitude to spot cold blooded killers in my ranks? I consider myself to be a fairly good judge of character, but in this case, I totally missed the mark. Had anyone asked me if this girl would kill? I would have said no in a second. Her boyfriend? I would have said he would. The guy was just not all there. Now her boyfriend's mother is on TV talking about her son couldn't do this sort of thing and he was such a good boy and blah, blah, blah. Now as much as I am sickened by the girls part in this, I am outraged at this withered old crone blaming said girl for these actions and "leading my boy astray."

True it is a parents place to think the best of your kids as in some way what they do reflects on you, but this is ridiculous for a woman living half a country away who hadn't seen her son in God knows how long. I ask myself if it were my kid would I be so quick to lay blame with their accomplice?

Going through issues with my 17 year old, I am not so sure anymore. Literally my wife and I are sitting here discussing should we let him move out into the world and wash our hands of him because he will only get it when he falls flat. Will I be there to pick him up if he does, of course, it just sucks letting them get there. I have a hard time defending him now, if he commits a major crime, he'll rot in jail, face the music and not one word of comfort will he get from me until he truly realizes his destructive ways and genuinely wants to change them. People are responsible for their actions. If you lie, that lie falls on you. If you steal, the hand that did it was yours and no one elses. If you kill, the blood is on your hands and no one elses. I have taught mine that you pay for the transgressions you commit. Whether they are punished by the law or within your social circle. There is always a price for crime and deceit.

The bottom line here is you just never know. I am now sitting pondering what else I do not know. Who of my close circle have evil skeletons? How did my one buddy come into so much money so quickly? Did my friends really divorce because of financial reasons?

It all just makes you wonder.

Comments

'she led my boy astray', I think so much of why kids go wrong now is because their parents absolve them of any blame or responsibility for their actions.
 
That would be hard to decide. Maybe give your son a trial period to move out on his own, he may find that he doesn't like it and maybe he'll move back.

Trusting friends is a hard thing to do. You never know if they are being genuine or not. I'd say try and work through what happened and then talk to your friends. Maybe don't tell them you're suspicious, but just that you're having a rough time dealing with how you knew the murderers.

Good luck, in any sense.
 
Osiris, I'm terribly sorry that you've had to deal with a shocker of this magnitude. It must really have put a damper on the New Year's festivities.

I think that you're being too hard on yourself:

You aren't psychic. Yes, it is important to suss people out while in the process of befriending them. The thing is that you are only able to identify so much and nothing more. Only each one of us knows what TRULY lies in our minds and our hearts and we are also able to determine if we're going to make it visible to others or if we're going to be on par with Academy Awards winners.

There are two questions that I ask myself:

1) If her boyfriend was a messed up drug user, then what was the likelihood of her joining him - so how messed up was she?

2) If her boyfriend was messed up and she stuck with him for so long without being able to identify a problem, then what is the magnitude of her emotional baggage?

Just as people who do bad things are capable of doing good, the converse also rings true. She may well have been a good person when you met her but things fell apart since. Point is, you are NOT responsible for the choices that she has made; nor is it your responsibility to be a mind reader. I think that the only real lesson to be learnt from this is that we are all capable of falling by the wayside; the best that we can do is to keep ourselves in check and keep an eye out on our loved ones for any tell-tale signs of them falling out of balance. Anything other than that would entail our being miracle workers...which we aren't, and I don't know about you but I am loathe to try to burden myself with such a great responsibility: You cannot give what you do not have.

So stop driving yourself crazy and stop over analysing. Regardless of how your friend came into money, it's his baby and not yours. And are the real reasons for your friends' divorce a great impediment to your happiness and wellbeing?

It's so easy to get caught in the web of sceptism and cynism...and that is not who you are. Are you willing to pay the high price of yourself for something that was COMPLETELY out of your hands? Don't make me come over there....you DO NOT want me to come over there!!!!! *takes off earrings and high heel shoes*
 
Yes, I believe that people KNOW. I also believe that people choose to ignore what they know or push it off on something else.

Rest easy, Osiris love. You didn't actually KNOW this girl.

But some people DID know this girl.

People don't suddenly change and become "bad" -- every single multiple murderer had a history of SOMETHING. Every single one.

The bad part, however, is that we sometimes don't know just HOW "off" a person is, especially since every person exhibiting "off" symptoms isn't necessarily a killer.

There are certain traits that killers seem to have, and I'm just glad that none of my family have these traits.

People raised in true love and kindness rarely ever go bad.

So I sleep well at night.

And I'm sure that your stepson will come back. (I'm hoping that his biological dad hasn't totally screwed him up, because that can happen.)

As you say, perhaps he needs to hit bottom. So perhaps the best thing IS to let him go out and hit bottom.

But I highly doubt that he has the same traits that killers do.

And if I were you, I wouldn't let him go without telling him that he is deeply loved, and that the minute he decides to turn around, his family will welcome him with open arms.
 
One thing we're taught as kids is how to buy eggs...

Always open the box of eggs and have a look inside to check none are broken.

You do that for a while but then learn just looking at the tops of the eggs isn't enough. So then you start to check the bottom of the box for wet stains too. Then you actually pick up each egg and check it...

Still, no matter what you do, you can end up with a bad egg once in a while.

Sometimes there's just no telling.
Sometimes good eggs just turn bad.
A bad egg is nasty.
But it generally doesn't tend to ruin the other eggs.

I don't think the answer is to stop buying eggs.....
 
Speedo Guy,not all drug users commit crimes,you can't just paint all of us, who ever used drugs,in the same light as these two murdering idiots.Consequently if you keep picking your son up,every time he falls,how will he ever learn, to be responsible? If my parents hadn't kept providing me money and housing,my run would have ended years earlier. I'm very grateful for everything they did,but
I might have gotten well a whole lot sooner if no one had of "helped" me.
You got to really hit bottom, and want to climb out of that hole,before you get "well".
Ask me, I'll tell you all about it.
cigarbabe:saevil:
 
One thing we're taught as kids is how to buy eggs...

Always open the box of eggs and have a look inside to check none are broken.

You do that for a while but then learn just looking at the tops of the eggs isn't enough. So then you start to check the bottom of the box for wet stains too. Then you actually pick up each egg and check it...

Still, no matter what you do, you can end up with a bad egg once in a while.

Sometimes there's just no telling.
Sometimes good eggs just turn bad.
A bad egg is nasty.
But it generally doesn't tend to ruin the other eggs.

I don't think the answer is to stop buying eggs.....


Very well said, I knowKK!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Osiris, I feel for you and your wife as I have a male cousin who has been in and out of the penal system since he was 18. Perhaps oddly, he neither smokes, does drugs, nor drinks. He does stupid illegal stuff all by himself. I have listened with anguish as you have told us of your sons activities and hoped against hope that the die has not been cast. That he is not like my cousin, a bad egg.

You just never know.
Posted by Osiris
I'm now asking am I more offended by the people themselves or my own ineptitude to spot cold blooded killers in my ranks? I consider myself to be a fairly good judge of character, but in this case, I totally missed the mark. Had anyone asked me if this girl would kill? I would have said no in a second. Her boyfriend? I would have said he would. The guy was just not all there. Now her boyfriend's mother is on TV talking about her son couldn't do this sort of thing and he was such a good boy and blah, blah, blah. Now as much as I am sickened by the girls part in this, I am outraged at this withered old crone blaming said girl for these actions and "leading my boy astray."

True it is a parents place to think the best of your kids as in some way what they do reflects on you, but this is ridiculous for a woman living half a country away who hadn't seen her son in God knows how long. I ask myself if it were my kid would I be so quick to lay blame with their accomplice?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As for the woman you were previously acquainted with who was involved in that truly heinous crime. How could you have possibly known back then who and what she would become?:confused: I don't doubt your people judging skills or your ability to keep your family safe. I think she was just a different person entirely when you encountered her. We all change over time, sometimes the chang is negative sometimes it is positive.
 
Once again the brighter minds of my online life have spoken true. TK, I am so glad you know the ins and outs of being a teen, I often think I am so old, I have forgotten. NJ, SP, Bigguy, hotmilf, and IKnowKK thanks for the words of wisdom and life lesson. You are SO right. Pavement, thanks for making me laugh at such an old and yet all to true statement. SpeedoGuy, I am amazed to, but it is the ones who are so lost mentally that go this path and that is a crying shame. Cigarbabe, You have lived several lifetimes and not once have you suffered ill for it and are still a sooth sayer for the modern day. Thank you.

We decided just 20 minutes ago over dinner conversation and discussion with my 17 year old that he can do drama, but now that he is 17, if he screws up, mom and dad will not be stepping in to save him. He is on his own. He also got a taste of life in the street with a cop friend of ours. He spent a night on patrol in White Center. I think it woke him up to how well he has it in suburbia.

As for the girl, I know I couldn't see it and had no way of knowing, but talking to my old roommate yesterday night over drinks, it hit me. He knew her and "knew her well". He is kicking himself about it. "Maybe if I truly told her how I felt about her.", "Maybe if I was around more.", Maybe if I told her what an asshole she was dating."

I just told him there was no way he could have changed this, if he had that tight a hold on her, he wouldn't have been able to get through. I always think about people when they talk about what a "perfect family" we are. We are not perfect and far from it, but at the end of the day, we know we have each other.

That was made evident by my stepson before he went out for a night with his pals. he pulled me aside and said, "Thanks for the ass kicking. I will really try not to let you down." As he said it, he was holding his copy of "The Art of War" I had given him. He reached out to shake my hand and then threw an arm around me and said, " I respect you too."

And again...

You just never know.
 
Posted 29 Minutes Ago at 07:15 AM by Osiris
That was made evident by my stepson before he went out for a night with his pals. he pulled me aside and said, "Thanks for the ass kicking. I will really try not to let you down." As he said it, he was holding his copy of "The Art of War" I had given him. He reached out to shake my hand and then threw an arm around me and said, " I respect you too."

All that I can do is say that I am very disappointed in you Osi. You made me cry....shame on you. Your stepson's holding his copy of "The Art of War" is what brought it on. I am deeply aware of the significance of that book in your lives so it's just so very deeply moving. Whew! I am happy that things are on the up, the two of you deserve it.

It continues to be an honor to be given the opportunity to have a glimpse into your life. Thank you for a truly beautiful and valuable gift!
 

Blog entry information

Author
Osiris
Read time
3 min read
Views
328
Comments
11
Last update

More entries in General

More entries from Osiris

Share this entry