1 love or multiple pointless sex?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Lito, Jun 15, 2008.

  1. Lito

    Lito New Member

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    So here’s my predicament.

    I’m single right now, have been for some months (bad break-up, shared it here in another thread).

    I have a comfortable life. After the break-up, I started dating again… I mean, hungry-as-a-wolf dating. And by that I mean going after 2 women per week, mostly. Add to that some heavy drinking and you can see I was in a road-to-hell mood.

    Well, party fever subdued, cut down drinking… and what I have now is this:

    1) A bunch of women I can go to bed with, but my interest in them lasts as long as I’m horny only. So I decided it wasn’t fair and I’m not seeing them anymore.

    2) this troublesome girl I enjoy being with. We have similar tastes, she’s smart (chemistry phd) and attractive. Like all things, there’s a flaw… somehow I’m not sure I want to be her boyfriend (go fucking figure). She looks like a lot of hard work when In a relationship, although she’s a wonderful friend.

    I just spent all day with her, working, having lunch and watching movies (eternal sunlight of the spotless mind).

    Furthermore, she sends all kinds of mixed signals, like “oh, if you were my bf I would…” and then “oh, I’m thinking about seeing that guy…”

    So… there you go. Pointless (is there such a thing?) sex with random women or trouble girl? (I’m not sure she would have anything to do with me, mind you).


    Anyone went through something like that? Maybe I’m afraid of being hurt again, I don’t know. It seems I’ve been hurting a lot of people though. Even being clear you want nothing serious, women do get their hopes up, it seems.

    Ack… at least it’s out… I’m not sure there’s a point to this thread, But there you go.

    -pax
     
  2. omgiswatdeysay

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    Is she worth it? You gotta ask yourself if your ready for a real relationship too.
     
  3. B_Demention

    B_Demention New Member

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    I think I will always advocate having a good time until you're so absolutely sure of something you can't ignore it. Half-assed love is shitty and will ruin your appetite for the real thing if and when it does hit.
     
  4. 1BiGG1

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    I’ve had a few non-committal flings in the past and they were great if my dick does the thinking but both my dick & brain like the passion of a committed relationship better.
     
    #4 1BiGG1, Jun 15, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2008
  5. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    You sound like your not ready for anything serious yet, as far her mentioning other guys shes trying to get a reaction from you, make you jealous
     
  6. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    Listen to the lady above. I just went through something like that with a woman. Enjoy for what it is, a friendship. Believe it or not women like to have guy friends. We just think with our dicks. It is not easy but may be even more difficult with a premature commitment down the road.
     
  7. iamanne

    iamanne New Member

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    Breaking loose after a serious relationship is normal. It better be as I am doing the same thing after a 25 year marriage. I know I will settle down in time. There is no rush.

    As for the lady you describe - remain friends. I enjoy my men friends. She sounds like way too much work. Love should not be that hard, should it?
     
  8. Not_Punny

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    These are not your ONLY choices.

    Additional choices:

    -- Avoid relationships (but not necessarily sex) until you find someone you ARE truly interested in.

    -- Go celebate.

    You don't have to get into a relationship with "trouble girl" -- and if you want to keep her as a friend, then DON'T have sex with her.

    I highly recommend...

    A) Only have relationships with people you have a great deal of affection and attraction for

    B) NOT wrecking friendships because of casual sex


    and
     
  9. MuscledHorse

    MuscledHorse Well-Known Member

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    I will never fully understand this whole inststance that sex and love are the same and you only have sex with the person you love. Sex is a physical attraction between two people. Love is far far deeper. I have had sex--great sex--with piles and piles of guys. And interestingly, the people I love and care about (who are outside my genetic family), the ones I'd lay down my life for, are all people with whom I've never had sex. That's not to say they are mutually exclusive. I have had some people I've cared deeply for and had sex with, but these are few.
     
  10. D_Selmus_Swallow

    D_Selmus_Swallow Account Disabled

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    You're like my Brazilian mirror-image as far as our respective life situations go.
     
  11. Lito

    Lito New Member

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    oh my... and how's that working out for you?
     
  12. B_DEATHbyCARROT

    B_DEATHbyCARROT New Member

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    That last part about mixed signals I think is wrong. She could be trying to make you jealous or simply letting you know she has options, but it sounds like she likes you...

    My question is why do you only see the two choices ("sex with random women or trouble girl")? Why not try looking for a non-trouble girl?
     
  13. goodwood

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    Lito -
    After ending things with my ex I also went through the same thing; agressive dating and lots of sex with no other point to it than that.
    I also got tired of that and stepped back.
    But for you - 'trouble girl'? I would say a resounding "NO" to her, or any 'trouble girl' for that matter.
    It has been 8 months for me since ending it with the love of my life and I honestly have no answers.
    I also felt badly having sex with women who genereally wanted to get to know me better, but I had no interest in getting to know them better and they knew it. I agree that such a tack is not fair to them which is why I stepped back.
    If there is no one you want to know better then perhaps make it very plain that your status is for for sex, or non sexual companionship - whatever your desire is, make it known up front would be my advice.
    I wish you well. Good luck.
     
  14. D_Selmus_Swallow

    D_Selmus_Swallow Account Disabled

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    Frustratingly annoying at the moment. :mad:
     
  15. Lito

    Lito New Member

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    Because I haven't been finding any. I mean, there's a lot of girls... but I don't feel like calling them a second time.

    I'll keep looking... who knows right?
     
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