1GR8Fokker said:
1. How do you come to decide that ratio of your personality?
I stuck with 90-10 because, globally, I prefer women emotionally, physically, sexually, relationally, etc. I acknowledge some physical attraction to men and, in the past, I've acted on it. I also feel "at peace" with that small bit of me that has had a physical attraction to men. Of course, that percentage has fluctuated quite a bit. A few years ago, I saw myself as more actively bisexual, closer to the 50-50 range, but that was a period of time I was trying to sort out my attractions and see which ones best fit me.
1GR8Fokker said:
2. If you have these ratios, have you acted on that inclinationdid you have an experience in a same sex relationship? What was it like?
I've acted on the curiosities sexually; I was very thankful for having friends in college who had similar feelings. I only messed around with a couple of my friends in isolated incidents. When I got that experimentation out of the way, I tried having a relationship with a guy. It was very short-term and it ended because, emotionally, I wasn't as committeed. I was just "trying it on," I guess. He was just too much for me.
1GR8Fokker said:
3. How did you feel about the experience? Would you do it again?
"Never say never." "Any port in a storm." At this point, I feel secure enough to consider that maybe, some day down the road when I least expect it, I'll meet an attractive guy. For now, I just think it's highly unlikely and I certainly wouldn't pursue it. I'm just open.
1GR8Fokker said:
4. Do you look on it as just a part of you that you have no intention of trying?
I've already tried it, so this question might not apply to me. I will say this, though. I've accepted my past as something part of me, for sure. It takes a lot -- A LOT -- of guts to acknowledge these feelings, however percentage points gay that makes you. It's really hard because when you start acknowledging attractions and interests, you almost always have to think, "What does this mean for me?" That's a hardcore question and it takes a lot of time to sort out.
Furthermore, it's really easy to get confused. Conflicting feelings and sexual histories really don't make a lot of sense, and you have to reconcile how you feel now with what you've felt and done in the past. That's a lot of stress. But I think you have to go through that tough time of figuring yourself out in order to really love, respect, and appreciate who you are. It doesn't matter if your sexual behaviors, feelings, fantasies, and thoughts peg you hetero or homo or whatever. As long as you're cool with yourself at the end of the day, all those -sexuality words are just really arbitrary.