11 reasons I prefer open relationships

[B_quietguy]

Why I prefer open and poly relationships over closed and monogamous ones. Sure a lot of these reasons can apply to monogamous couples, but these reasons are much more applicable to poly relationships.

1. I don't have to be the one perfect partner for any of my partners. If there are certain needs, interests, or activities that I want that I can't provide, they are free to have relationships with others.

2. I don't expect any of my partners to be everything for me. If you love somebody, why put such a high expectation on them?

3. If my partners are happy dating others, then I have happy partners. That's great because if they are happy, then that adds to my happiness.

4. If I have a disagreement with my partner, I can ask one of their other partners for advice. I can also ask my friends or my partner's friends about this, but I've discovered the most insightful advice comes from my partner's other partners because they know that person so well.

5. If one of my partners has certain habits I don't like, I can check with their other partners to see how they deal with it.

6. If I have a behavior that annoys my partners, they can discuss it amongst themselves to see if it is me or just their reaction to me that gets them annoyed.

7. If I want to date somebody new, all I have to do is chat with my current partners. Unlike monogamous people who either have to deny their interest in others, cheat, or break up.

8. I like the fact that if somebody is not good to their partners in bed or out of bed, word gets around the poly community and that person generally soon has no partners.

9. If one of my partners is not interested in sex at that moment, I can ask another partner and there are no hurt feelings. If a monogamous person is not in the mood, then their partner doesn't get their needs for sexual enjoyment met.

10. If I am not in the mood for a certain kind of sex, I can encourage my partners to ask another.

11. I get to enjoy a wide variety of sexual activities and sexual styles.

 

[Incocknito]

Did you come from a single parent household? Or...

Did you come from a household where the parental/guardian relationship was dysfunctional/bad/toxic?

Just curious

 

[dolfette]

have you ever studied the mating habits of other primates? how our invented morals dictate we run our relationships is pretty far removed from how nature programmed us to, IMO.

the assumption that anyone not wanting to get hooked up with 'the one' & live happily ever after must be damaged is a very odd one.

...are you from a very religious background perhaps?

 

[SpeedoMike]

I suppose it's fine as long as your partner believes in what you do.

 

[Joseph]

I used to be against Polygamy, but I do notice a LOT of assets of such relationships and now I think that if someone manages to get that to work, then all power to them!

Due to my bisexuality I even sometimes think I should be in one, but who knows...

But for me one important rule is what you mentioned in 7

7. If I want to date somebody new, all I have to do is chat with my current partners. Unlike monogamous people who either have to deny their interest in others, cheat, or break up.

You have to TALK for it to count, that's very good. Me and my ex broke up cause she wanted to ALWAYS be able to sleep with ANYONE she wants... and that was something I did not feel comfortable with. TALKING is the most important fundamental element of a relationship. I think couples should talk things over rather than keep them hidden.

Some guys told me to NEVER tell a girl I'm bi... and I think that's bullshit... my bisexuality is a very important part of who I am. What's better? Tell a girl that even before she becomes my girlfriend...... or wait till we're 20 years into the marriage with kids and she finds porn on my hard-drive?

 

[555485]

parties are a great place to get more head

 

[B_quietguy]

Did you come from a single parent household? Or...

Did you come from a household where the parental/guardian relationship was dysfunctional/bad/toxic?

Just curious

Nope. My parents are still married and get along with each other just fine. My family knows about my open relationship style and most of them are okay with it. I know of plenty of people in open relationships that were raised in healthy and emotionally safe families.

Are you assuming that people who want open relationships came from dyfunctional families? Decades ago, people assumed that gays and lesbians must have come from dysfunctional families. Now only the far right fringe dares to put forth claims like that. If you want to make up some equally asinine theory about polyamorous people, go ahead, but don't expect any rational person to believe you.

 

[B_quietguy]

I used to be against Polygamy, but I do notice a LOT of assets of such relationships and now I think that if someone manages to get that to work, then all power to them!

Yep. It is delightful when you find the right people to make it work out well!

But for me one important rule is what you mentioned in 7
You have to TALK for it to count, that's very good. Me and my ex broke up cause she wanted to ALWAYS be able to sleep with ANYONE she wants... and that was something I did not feel comfortable with. TALKING is the most important fundamental element of a relationship. I think couples should talk things over rather than keep them hidden.

I think the same way you do in this situation. If a partner just started dating all kinds of people without checking in with me first, I'd let her know about my discomfort in that situation. I'd also ask her what's going on that she just wants to have sex with anyone.

Some guys told me to NEVER tell a girl I'm bi... and I think that's bullshit... my bisexuality is a very important part of who I am. What's better? Tell a girl that even before she becomes my girlfriend...... or wait till we're 20 years into the marriage with kids and she finds porn on my hard-drive?

Agreed! Let your girlfriends know up front so they can make an informed decision about whether to date you. As some people say, "Honesty is the best policy!" For me, it is not just a "policy", but the only ethical policy for interacting with my partners.

 

[B_quietguy]

parties are a great place to get more head

Seeing how your avatar shows the mascot for a political party ... I'm wondering if that is where you go to get head. :biggrin1:

 

[dude252007]

I consider humans above primates so I would not accept the comparison. Humans mind power are not the same. We are able not only to do better but also to think better than animals. A dog eats his own shit but I don't. Because sex is so random having one person is special. If everyone had a ruby they would be worthless.

 

[flyboy]

12. Or do you like to take the risk of not knowing who you got that STD from. Or for that matter calling all your "open relationship" partners and telling them they need to get to the clinic quick. LOL

 

[dolfette]

I consider humans above primates so I would not accept the comparison. Humans mind power are not the same. We are able not only to do better but also to think better than animals. A dog eats his own shit but I don't. Because sex is so random having one person is special. If everyone had a ruby they would be worthless.

we ARE primates, so to be above primates is kinda impossible.

and 'special' is subjective.
just because it's special to you, doesn't make it a universal truth.

...people eat shit too. two girls one cup. you should watch it. it's neato!

 

[dr_pepper]

Granted, many are not suited to an open relationship for all kinds of reasons. But, there are some of us who love this lifestyle. I have been in both open and closed relationships and much prefer the open ones. Sometimes it is not always possible to have this unfortunately.

 

[deleted3782]

I agree with a few of the posters here that open relationships require open communication and ground rules. Why? Because open relationships can be tricky...and rules help reduce the possibility of things gone wrong. If things do go wrong...one partner develops an attachment to someone outside the relationship, or jealousy enters the picture somehow...the rules will be evoked to protect the relationship that the "openness" is supposed to enhance. It seems odd that the act of strengthening the relationship is the same act that might increase the odds of ending it. That seems counterproductive to me.

Monogamous relationships aren't immune to failure either. They fail for thousands of reasons, including affairs and adultery. In efforts to remove that threat, it seems that open relationships simply trade one risk for a host of new threats. Though I think both types of relationships can survive, polyamorists face a major minefield to overcome to make it work.

 

[Incocknito]

Nope. My parents are still married and get along with each other just fine. My family knows about my open relationship style and most of them are okay with it. I know of plenty of people in open relationships that were raised in healthy and emotionally safe families.

Are you assuming that people who want open relationships came from dyfunctional families?

No. I was just wondering if this might be the case for you.

Decades ago, people assumed that gays and lesbians must have come from dysfunctional families. Now only the far right fringe dares to put forth claims like that. If you want to make up some equally asinine theory about polyamorous people, go ahead, but don't expect any rational person to believe you.

What? I asked direct questions which required only a direct answer. Not a tirade in which you pretend to know what I was thinking at the time of asking those questions. Not a test of your psychic abilities; where you purport to know my own feelings regarding the situation featured in this thread.

Now all of a sudden I am the first person to wonder if sometimes people who can't commit to one person came from unstable homes?

Now I am being irrational?

These questions don't require a response by the way, I wouldn't want you to miss the point again and go off on one.

have you ever studied the mating habits of other primates? how our invented morals dictate we run our relationships is pretty far removed from how nature programmed us to, IMO.

Have you ever studied English? Have you ever studied graphology? Did you ever use capital letters?

Well I think nature programmed us all with enough variety that there is no "one size" or "one theory" that fits all.

the assumption that anyone not wanting to get hooked up with 'the one' & live happily ever after must be damaged is a very odd one.

You are a very odd one.

...are you from a very religious background perhaps?

No.

In case people are still missing the point...We know what I said because it is stated clearly in my previous post. It's also bolded in this post.

Here's what I didn't say:

All people in open relationships must be "damaged" or come from unstable or broken family units

I didn't say anything about gays or lesbians (but for some reason quietguy did)

I didn't mention anything about religion

I will refrain from asking anymore questions since it's quite clear that curiosity will only be met with animosity.

 

[iluvbigheads]

....I think your in lala land...you used this post to manipulate positive reasons out of something that generally isn't looked at in high regard in society...and who knows where you came from or what happened, this open relationship idea is fitting something there, whether void or lust. But also not saying there aren't people on the earth would fit right in and be happy.

But I find so many of the post(s) about otherwise serious issues to lack consideration for realistic factors that would affect such affairs like an open relationship. I mean, you say, all I have to do is chat to my partner and go fuck whoever basically...well I bet those conversations about problems, like hey I don't got enough money to pay rent this month, who can I ask, etc. etc aren't so easy going over...and I never heard of a bill paying partner in reality happily paying bills for the partner who likes to go out sleeping around, or fulfulling his needs elsewhere, no matter how pro open they are. Just nonsense.

Or another example, what if in your lifestyle wanted a position of employment where your personal conduct was was regarded as critical to the job and said employer finds out about your personal conduct...well you might just "fuck" yourself out of a job.

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

have you ever studied the mating habits of other primates? how our invented morals dictate we run our relationships is pretty far removed from how nature programmed us to, IMO.

the assumption that anyone not wanting to get hooked up with 'the one' & live happily ever after must be damaged is a very odd one.

...are you from a very religious background perhaps?

you go gurll!

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Is it an open relationship or are you just a bachelor with a bunch of fuck buddies?

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

I will refrain from asking anymore questions since it's quite clear that curiosity will only be met with animosity.

Come on, it's like asking someone if they're demented and expecting them to not draw the conclusion that you think they are!

And because he did conclude that you were inferring poly people are from bad homes, a good point was raised that once many people thought that about gays.

Times have moved on a little, thankfully. I can sympathize with the social difficulties people who are open about their open relationships endure. Others can still be difficult about it.

Don't refrain from asking, but know that sometimes a simple question can be misconstrued as a judgmental statement.

Anyway this is one experience of open relationships. Others do not function on the same level. For example you mentioned the "Poly Community". Most people in open relationships don't do it this way. That formality is not for me, it almost sounds like a facebook for polygamers'. I like things more laid back.

 

[Bbucko]

Never say never, but I cannot imagine the circumstances under which I'd agree to another monogamous relationship.