18 yr old with a question about masturbation/dad/college?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Refresh7, Jul 24, 2008.

  1. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    Ok so my dad and I have never been close. Throughout the years, I have never felt more uncomfortable talking with him about sex. Hell, I'd feel more comfortable talking with my mom about it. My dad has a such a goofy and childish personality, that sometimes I wonder how he has ever had sex. lol I know that before marrying my mom, he's slept around a little bit, and when I was a kid he was so tall and strong, and has gotten weaker and sicker since so it's not like the guy was asexual or anything. But if anyone brings up sex, my dad will just freeze up.

    Over my high school years, I would sometimes sense him watching porn, because he would always change the channel, but one time as soon as he left, I'd hit channel back and bust his ass. lol Anyway, one night at the dinner table, my parents were discussing the difference between teens having sex between our generations. They had no idea that all of my friends were having sex, yet many of his friends at his teen age did the same.

    Then he told me that I'm not going to really be horny, or a sexual being or have raging hormones until I'm in college. That infuriated me, because I felt like he wasn't seeing me for who I was, and that was someone who is horny all the time. lol But a few times since that statement, while I'm jacking off and really into it and doing kinky shit, my dad will knock at the door, and I always think about just letting him walk in or answering the door naked with a boner. Like I feel like I have to prove to this ass that my hormones are raging just fine right now, and that I'm a man now, because he just doesn't make me feel like I am. And I always chicken out because I think that it is too gross, and I realize that my dad would probably not even realize what I did, or run off and joke about it with my mom, (yes, he's a bastard like that). lol Does that make sense that I want to prove that I have already been what he thinks I'll be much much later? And should I go through with it? I'm not trying to be creepy, but he's giving me a freaking complex.
     
  2. soconfused

    soconfused New Member

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    Wow...
    This really sucks.
    I suggest you just sit your father down and tell him how it is.
    AFTER you send me a picture of that boner of yours.
    lol
     
  3. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    lol yeah I've thought about doing that, but I feel like he won't take it at face value. Like I need an actual scorecard to prove that I am a regular sexual 18 yr old guy who likes to jerk off and gets turned on in general.
     
  4. uncutaussie

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    leave some condoms around... not used or anything.. just proves that you are in the market and not waiting around for approval. I don't think you need to active demonstrate anything though.... sounds like he's a real asshole... in which case, let him believe whatever he wants to, just go out and be the horny teenage bag of testosterone that you are. Maybe he had late development and figures the same for you... and sounds like he has some serious issues with his sex life/ability considering you said he always just freezes up about it... alternatively, maybe something really bad happened to him as a kid and he doesn't want you to experience anything like that... just a few thoughts. At the end of the day, do our parents ever really get us... or do we really get them...
     
  5. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    True. I know that his knowledge of sex when he was going through puberty was limited, but why repeat history, when he knows how it made him feel? That just further indicates to me, that I'm not really put at a sexually mature standard in his eyes and that my feelings are obviously of no consequence to him.
     
  6. sam_solo26

    sam_solo26 New Member

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    Sorry to say, but I'm sensing there are some deeper emotional issues between your father and yourself. You state it here: "...my feelings are obviously of no consequence to him." This isn't just about being seen as a sexual creature to your dad. It seems to be a cry for validation and an emotionally-positive connection with this person you've never really felt is your dad. This is an issue of a lack of respect for one another, from what I hear. It's more serious than a simple word game between father and son. I think the condom idea was good. It's subtle, and it gets the message across simply (iconographically really) to a man who doesn't respond to his son's words. But this is just the start of any kind of progress. You do need to have a talk with him eventually.
     
  7. Stephenmass

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    He may be relating to you what he was when he was your age and maybe he wasn't all that sexual until college. Maybe he thinks all guys are like that. Or he may be subconsciously (or consciously) trying to put the brakes on your libido until later. It seems to me that perhaps there is a strong lack of communication perhaps, not really sure.

    Prove to this ass? I would never reference my father that way; sounds like some disrespect going on here too.

    I don't know what you want him to say to you. Yeah son, go out, fuck, eat a pussy, etc., have a fuckfest for all I care. You are not going to hear that from most of the Dads I know from my own friends. Most do, in fact, try to put the brakes on a raging libido, even if they see it.
     
  8. killerb

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    I know it's your dad, but you don't have to prove anything to anyone at anytime...

    let him and anyone else think what they like...you know the truth and that's what is important...
     
  9. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    Oh I'm not denying that I have zero respect for him. There is the obvious lack of communication there. Yes, there is the underlying emotional issue as well. The sad reality is that I have lived with those emotional issues for 18 years, so yeah, it sucks, but I've learned not to lose sleep over that. It's when you begin to insult my body, my change, my growth, into a sexually-developed man, that I take issue with. No, I don't expect him to encourage me and flat out say "eat a pussy". I'm saying that when he looks at me he sees this boy. It's like I want him to be recognize and be impressed that I am an adult just like him. I'm enough for me, I get that. I just want to change that narrow minded attitude because if he's going to talk shit, he needs to know he couldn't be farther from the truth.
     
  10. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    Well we don't really communicate, and the fact that he's hard of hearing doesn't really help. lol
     
  11. strike4

    strike4 New Member

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    Hi Refresh,

    Do you ever listen to This American Life, a radio show on NPR? There's an episode that your situation reminds me of. It's called "Nobody's Family is Going to Change." You can here it here:
    This American Life

    Anyway, the gist is that we spend so much energy wanting out parents to see us for who we are, feeling slighted because they don't take us seriously. But the best we can really do is change ourselves and our expectations. Please listen to the episode, because it's great.

    I think that as we get older we begin to see our parents with more perspective and more compassion; to see them at the people that they are with all their limitations and failures, as people who have disappointed themselves in many ways. I began to feel this way a few years ago after finishing university, and it really made out relationship better.

    So - I know that it must be painful and frustrating to feel like the people who ostensibly should be the most supportive and understanding people in your life, in fact, are just the opposite. However, trust that they are trying their best and take solace in knowing that in spite of how they may behave and what they may say, they are fully aware that you are a man now. When you feel upset about this, just concentrate on your own masculinity and think of it as a source of strength to help you move through the negative feelings.

    I hope that's helpful. Also remember that these things will pass. You are surely on the verge of leaving their home. Focus your anger into energy that helps you get out and become independent.

    Best wishes.
     
  12. piratebulldog

    piratebulldog Member

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    While your father seems to be kind of a goofball and is a little too out there with the teasing and humor, you seem to be totally devoid of humor. Humor can go a long ways in dealing with a situation like what you describe. It can defuse a situation or give insight. a few well pointed words could have let your father know that you are not a little kid anymore. However, just being sexual doesn't mean you are a man. Start acting responsibly and perhaps he will give you the respect you truly deserve.

    Lighten up and don't feel like you have to 'prove it to his ass'. What mutual disrespect you both seem to have for each other. You could lighten up and he could stand to be a little more serious and respectful.
     
  13. brandonguy35

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    It always seems that the father-son relationship goes one of two ways--very close and good, or very distant and very bad. My advice is just to keep in mind that he is your father. He may have issues of his own that you don't know anything about. As for you, you know the truth; you have to live your life in a way that makes you happy and comfortable. You never have to "prove" anything about yourself to anyone. Once you find a balance to your own situation and feelings, it will be a whole lot easier to figure out how to deal with your father without damaging the relationship more.

    Hope you find something that works for you.
     
  14. lesmeljos

    lesmeljos Member

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    you stated that you COULD talk to your Mom. You may discuss with her how you feel your Dad thinks about you in your developing years. You don't have to be really specific about your own activities, but if she hears you and underatnds that you feel 'put down' in a way, she may be able to communictae that to him, and he may be more comfortable hearing it from her. I would not show him your boner... he knows you have one! The issue is acceptance of your activities and desires (not approval)...
    I like the condom idea that someone suggested; it's a little direct and makes a strong point.
    Good luck (and fast track to college! lol
     
  15. Scott14

    Scott14 New Member

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    Sounds to me like your dad has a bunch of sexual problems of his own, not the least of which is...YOU.

    You are young, virile, and let's guess at toned, good looking, and with an impressive cock. You are just reaching the prime of your sex life, and his is pretty well in the toilet.

    He's jealous of you. Every time he sees you, you remind him of what he "used to be" but isn't anymore, and what's lost is never coming back. Call it aging, mid-life crisis, depression, whatever.

    The best way he can make HIMSELF feel better is to put you down. That's unfortunate. but I bet that has a lot to do with it.

    Take comfort in realizing that IT REALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It's HIM. My advice? Don't get hung up over it, forgive him, and love him and RESPECT HIM like any father wants his son to do.
     
  16. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    Here ya go:

    "Dad I need to borrow 20 bux for a pregnancy test. GOD I really hope she's NOT pregnant."

    Shows that you've been sexually active. :biggrin: and you get 20 bux, or a shitstorm :frown:
     
  17. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Sometimes moms and dads are just other people that you know. Sometimes they don't act much like parents.
     
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