2 years and still not "in love"

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dongalong, Nov 19, 2011.

  1. dongalong

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    For 2 years I've been having a long distance relationship with a girl in another country. In that time I've spent about 2 months physically with her, the rest has been via the internet and phone.
    She seems to be totally in love with me but I'm just not feeling it with her yet.
    We planned that she comes and lives with me to see what happens.

    What do you think, will living together increase the chances of falling in love?

    Overall she is a great girl but there are a few things about her that annoy me, maybe this is preventing that loving feeling, I'm not sure to be honest.

    What are your experiences about falling in love? What was it about the other person that made you feel that way? Do those annoying things ever go away?
     
  2. addy

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    In my experience, if you were in love, you'd know it have doubts. I spent four years with someone thinking that it would get better and convincing myself I was in love etc etc

    That ended and I am now married to a woman I pretty much knew I was in love with from the first weekend we spent together.

    In my experience, you just know and if you have doubts or are unsure then that speaks for itself.
     
  3. bigirishman

    bigirishman Well-Known Member

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    Love !!!

    What a load of BS
    Are you American??
     
  4. petite

    petite New Member

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    Two years? It sounds like it's not going to happen with you. If it was my choice, I wouldn't live together hoping that I would fall in love. It seems like I would just be stringing someone along for even longer when it doesn't sound like there is a real future together. I'd cut that person loose. Then she can find someone who will actually fall in love with her and you can, too. Life is too short to waste.

    With every person I've fallen in love with, there was chemistry between us from the very beginning and I knew for certain in a few months.
     
  5. tulsabyla

    tulsabyla Member

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    the reason you picked this person to be with, is because they are far away. you don't really want to be with her, but you like the feeling of having someone "on the shelf" for support when you need her. you are not ready for that kind of commitment. Do the right thing, let her go. Find someone that lives in the same city to get to know and spend time with to really, really, get to know to truly see if they are right for you. Long distance relationships seldom work. Don't wait till shes moves. put yourself in her shoes, that would be more devastating.
     
  6. dongalong

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    Thanks for your answers everyone, seems like there is a concensus to move on.
    Now for the hard part - breaking up, looks like it's unavoidable.
     
  7. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Can't say for sure, but what a sorry, jaded, non-American you seem to be.
     
  8. monel

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    No, I think you can be certain he is that. Especially the sorry part.
     
  9. LaFemme

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    You have already made your decision, but I just wanted to say that I concur. Living together is not going to make you fall in love. Don't let her move - spare her that. When you break up she needs to be with the people she's familiar with. I applaud your decision to do the right thing.
     
  10. D_Peter_Parkit

    D_Peter_Parkit New Member

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    I'm in a similar situation. I have been in a long term relationship for two years, we moved in with each other after six months. I have been waiting to "fall in love" since we moved in. I do love him very much but our relationship is that of close friends on my part more then the love of my life. He is such a great guy, but since i haven't been sure our sex life has suffered and quirky things that i found charming when we where "dating" irritate me now and I'm quick to snap. I am going have to set down soon and hammer out what problems we do have and see if i can hopefully salvage a friendship from our far from perfect relationship....I know it's hard sometime you got to man up and what needs to be done, not sit around and see how it pans out
     
  11. sexplease

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    If "it's" not there for you by now, venturing into cohabitation may or may not stoke a fire. Do you want to find out or live a life of quiet desperation?
     
  12. Gecko4lif

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    Breaking up is actually incredibly easy. Especially long distance. Then she cant set your house on fire.
     
  13. dolfette

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    moving in if you're not in love is a muppet move.
     
  14. D_Richard Lugie

    D_Richard Lugie Account Disabled

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    Thats pretty much what is happening with me now! I met my gf three months ago. After a week of knowing each other, and hanging out a lot, I asked her out, within a week of that, we both knew that we were in love with each other, and it has been amazing ever since! :) I am happier now than I have ever been in my whole life!
     
  15. travis1985

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    If being "in love" is a requirement for you, you're making the right choice. But don't assume a successful relationship (or even a successful marriage) has to be based on romantic love. Remember, marriages started failing 50% of the time when that started to become the expectation. Something to chew on.
     
  16. D_Richard Lugie

    D_Richard Lugie Account Disabled

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    Thats a false fact. Only 1/3 of marriages don't work out, not half, It's a common media misconception. (sociology fact)
     
  17. ManlyBanisters

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    dongalong, my friend, I didn't see this thread last week or I'd have commented sooner. I have to agree with the main sentiment so far. You'd probably be in love already if you were going to be. There is a vague chance that spending much more time together would change things for the better but it is an outside chance.

    Knowing you a little bit IRL I'd say you've been totally open to it without predefined ideas of what it should feel like, though. You gave it a shot, moving her all the way to you without being sure is a big fat deal and could turn out badly for both of you.

    Breaking up is a big pain - if you need a friend or sounding boarding you know you can PM or FB message me.
     
  18. someperson

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    Most guys know with in the first second of meeting that person.
     
  19. travis1985

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    Let's see a valid source when challenging a popular impression (not that I'm one to doubt that the media is full of shit). Even if true, one out of three marriages failing is still too much and a shame.
     
  20. D_Richard Lugie

    D_Richard Lugie Account Disabled

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    50% Divorce Rate is a Myth, It’s More Like 33% or One Third

    This is the best I can show you, it explains it as well.
    We learn this in basic introduction to sociology in University. As well as many other mass media misconceptions.
     
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