2010 Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by jakeatolla, Jan 17, 2011.

  1. jakeatolla

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    2010 DARWIN AWARDS

    You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2010 Darwin Awards.

    Eighth Place

    In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through
    an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

    Seventh Place

    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot
    high cliff on his daily run.

    Sixth Place

    While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in
    a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
    People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
    using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

    Fifth Place

    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing..
    Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of
    his skull as he hit the floor.

    Fourth Place

    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
    four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    Third Place

    After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms
    intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
    Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

    The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired.
    The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47
    expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
    identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

    HONOURABLE MENTION

    Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter
    stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice
    that the window was closed.

    RUNNER UP

    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who
    had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited,
    and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint
    of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
    volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's
    leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
    foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby
    fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

    AND THE WINNER IS....

    Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative
    and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
    Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when
    the relieved beast unloaded.

    The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck
    his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just
    one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'

    IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL..
     
  2. D_Mona Samore

    D_Mona Samore Account Disabled

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    Ha ha ha!! Too funny!!
     
  3. faceking

    faceking Well-Known Member

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    Dude.... really??!!

    Negative.

    The stockbroker happened in 1996.

    The kid who got buried in the sand... was 2006.

    The dyanmite couple was 2006 as well.

    The loaded gun bet was in 1997's

    and your bungee jumper was pulled from a piece of fiction from the mid 90s, and has been well-confirmed as fiction.

    I think we might have to award jakeatolla a Darwin award for 2011 ;-)

    do yer research mate, or not blindly cut/pasting.
     
  4. Calboner

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    Although I find the idea of an award for people who kill themselves by doing really, really stupid things mildly amusing in the abstract, almost every one of these vignettes merely horrifies me. The only ones that afforded me a mixture of horror and amusement were the "honourable mention," in which at least the victims would have been killed too quickly to feel anything, and the winner, which involves death by torrential elephant poop--which, let's face it, is just intrinsically funny.

    The actual nominees for the Darwin Awards of 2010 (apparently the winner has not yet been selected) can be found here.

    Jakeatolla gets my respect, though, for correctly spelling the word "bated" (in "bated breath").
     
  5. passion_fruit99

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    This is the exact list that was posted several years back for the 2006 Darwin Awards. Some of these stories have been around more than 10 years.
    More importantly, many of these stories are fiction.

    The story of the "winner" Friedrich Riesfeldt is a fictional urban legend. Never happened.

    Runner up, Kerry Bigham: made up, never happened.

    Honourable mentions Paul and Bonnie Stiller were only slightly injured and neither died.

    Third place occurred in Renton, Washington and the story has been greaty embellished. He had a .38 caliber, not a starter pistol. He was shot after opening fire, having failed to drop his gun down as he had been instructed to do by the police officer present. He was shot 4 times, not 23. He was only shot by the officer and clerk; none of the other patrons fired.

    Fourth place, Sylvester Briddell Jr: unconfirmed, probably not true.

    Fifth place, Santiago Alvarez: Never found to be true. No newspaper story has ever been found concerning this story.

    Sixth place, Daniel Jones: true event.

    Seventh place: man's name was Jack Sullivan. Event took place, but it fails to mention that he was running on a treacherous coastal path. There was also the allegation that it might have been a suicide, although the family denied this claim.

    Eighth place: actual confirmed event.

    Lesson to be learned: don't believe everything you read online.
     
  6. Calboner

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    This is very unfortunate. The Darwin Awards (I referred in my previous message to the actual site; here it is again) are a respectable operation, and I think that they make a serious effort to verify stories. They have a separate part of their Web site to which they relegate those they find to be urban legends--including the story of the constipated elephant. It is distressing to see people mixing made-up stuff into verified stories and publicizing them under the name of the Darwin Awards. But, of course, that is how things go on the Internet.

    Edited to add: After reading some of the urban legends, I am reminded of the Italian saying "Se non è vero, è ben trovato" (If it's not true, it's good fiction).
     
    #6 Calboner, Jan 17, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2011
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