22M: Am I actually bisexual?

[talon.harvey]

This post may be long but please, leave a comment if you manage to read the entire thing. I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully, I'm in the right area of the forum.

I'm going to be as honest as possible . I'm a 22 year old guy and ever since I was a kid, I can remember being attracted to guys and girls. I've always leaned more towards girls though, since I've never been with a guy etc. No one knows about my sexuality except me. At the end of my life, I see myself having a wife and kids but I wanna explore the side of me that I never did, with a guy. Who knows what could happen?

I used to think of my bisexuality as something that could ruin me but honestly, I really feel like this is the year I come out and tell people. I don't care what happens anymore, I just want to walk in my truth. My family literally won't mind and if I lose friends then so what?

But I have a question. Am I really bi or is there a different classification?

-------------------------------------------------------------

To be completely honest, I've only ever masturbated to videos of guys. I can only get an erection from women when I'm involved with them, there's physical contact, etc. seeing them in videos/pictures does nothing for me. And that's the weird part to me. I do that, but I genuinely can't imagine myself having intercourse with another guy, it's just not me. Maybe I'm saying that because I've never done anything with a guy before? Even so, it really just doesn't seem like something my heart would be in. In fact, when I see the guys in these videos start to show their private areas, I get turned off and end up clicking out. I've had sex with women though.

It's obvious to me that the guys I'm attracted to guys that are better looking than me. I grew up with insecurities about my appearance (Trying to work on them now), so whenever I see a guy that looks better than me, I just find myself looking at them/observing how good they look, wondering if they're bi, wishing I could look like them, etc. At the most, I'll wonder what they look like shirtless, but I never really think about anything sexual. If I really like how they look, I might get an erection but that's it. Conventionally speaking, I'm not even ugly or anything, I guess I'm just big on looks and am surprised to see just how good some people can look, guys more so than girls.

I googled it and apparently this is called aesthetic attraction. The definition seems pretty spot-on and I can relate to it. But does the fact that I masturbate to guys mean that I'm sexually attracted to them too? What about me not being able to see myself having intercourse with another guy?

-------------------------------------------------------------

I say all that to say that: I want to come out this year but I don't even know if I can call myself bisexual because of what I just typed ^. I'm not gay, but it's clear that I'm not 100% straight either. If I were to come out, I can see myself dating a guy. The attraction would be there for sure, but I just can't wrap my mind around doing anything sexual with him. At the most oral, but I imagine that I'd be the one receiving, not giving.

So I'm just not sure. I'm really lost. Not to mention the stigma I'd face from a lot of women because they don't want to date a guy who's "been with other guys".

Can someone give me advice? I'd really appreciate it. I want to tell my truth but I don't know what my truth is and what it's called.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I want to come out but I don't know what I am. You could say I'm aesthetically attracted to guys, but I can't see myself doing anything sexual with one. I'm also attracted to girls though, so I'm just confused on what I'd call myself and what I'd tell people when the time to come out is here. Can someone please help? Thank you.

 

[deleted10500801]

Human sexuality is complex and messy and what you're describing is completely normal. Instead of identifying as bi or pan, just say you're sexually fluid.


I identify as bisexual and the way my sexuality orientates is that I prefer relationships, physical intimacy and aesthetic attraction to men - yet prefer physical sex with women. I have sex with men, yet if I had a choice between a man and women I'd go for the pussy, unless I had a deep connection with the guy. Yet relationship wise it's the opposite I'd choose a guy over a woman to partner with, but that could change over my life.

 

[SkySkin77]

You can definitely classify yourself as bi. You are attracted by men and women; doesn’t matter if romantically, sexually, or both. And if you date a guy, you’ll found out more about you. You are not throwing away the idea of gay sex: receiving a bj from a male is gay sex. You can legitimately classify as bi and no one can take it away from you.

of curse you can be more specific if needed. We got terminology for that: demisexual with girls… it means that you need to know the girl, to feel attraction, you are not interested on hook ups with strangers. And homoromantic, meaning that you are looking for a love relationship with boys and you are not actively seeking sex even if you don’t exclude it.
Its just specific terminology and it doesn’t make you less bi good luck boy!

 

[bigdave6536]

This post may be long but please, leave a comment if you manage to read the entire thing. I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully, I'm in the right area of the forum.

I'm going to be as honest as possible . I'm a 22 year old guy and ever since I was a kid, I can remember being attracted to guys and girls. I've always leaned more towards girls though, since I've never been with a guy etc. No one knows about my sexuality except me. At the end of my life, I see myself having a wife and kids but I wanna explore the side of me that I never did, with a guy. Who knows what could happen?

I used to think of my bisexuality as something that could ruin me but honestly, I really feel like this is the year I come out and tell people. I don't care what happens anymore, I just want to walk in my truth. My family literally won't mind and if I lose friends then so what?

But I have a question. Am I really bi or is there a different classification?

-------------------------------------------------------------

To be completely honest, I've only ever masturbated to videos of guys. I can only get an erection from women when I'm involved with them, there's physical contact, etc. seeing them in videos/pictures does nothing for me. And that's the weird part to me. I do that, but I genuinely can't imagine myself having intercourse with another guy, it's just not me. Maybe I'm saying that because I've never done anything with a guy before? Even so, it really just doesn't seem like something my heart would be in. In fact, when I see the guys in these videos start to show their private areas, I get turned off and end up clicking out. I've had sex with women though.

It's obvious to me that the guys I'm attracted to guys that are better looking than me. I grew up with insecurities about my appearance (Trying to work on them now), so whenever I see a guy that looks better than me, I just find myself looking at them/observing how good they look, wondering if they're bi, wishing I could look like them, etc. At the most, I'll wonder what they look like shirtless, but I never really think about anything sexual. If I really like how they look, I might get an erection but that's it. Conventionally speaking, I'm not even ugly or anything, I guess I'm just big on looks and am surprised to see just how good some people can look, guys more so than girls.

I googled it and apparently this is called aesthetic attraction. The definition seems pretty spot-on and I can relate to it. But does the fact that I masturbate to guys mean that I'm sexually attracted to them too? What about me not being able to see myself having intercourse with another guy?

-------------------------------------------------------------

I say all that to say that: I want to come out this year but I don't even know if I can call myself bisexual because of what I just typed ^. I'm not gay, but it's clear that I'm not 100% straight either. If I were to come out, I can see myself dating a guy. The attraction would be there for sure, but I just can't wrap my mind around doing anything sexual with him. At the most oral, but I imagine that I'd be the one receiving, not giving.

So I'm just not sure. I'm really lost. Not to mention the stigma I'd face from a lot of women because they don't want to date a guy who's "been with other guys".

Can someone give me advice? I'd really appreciate it. I want to tell my truth but I don't know what my truth is and what it's called.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I want to come out but I don't know what I am. You could say I'm aesthetically attracted to guys, but I can't see myself doing anything sexual with one. I'm also attracted to girls though, so I'm just confused on what I'd call myself and what I'd tell people when the time to come out is here. Can someone please help? Thank you.

Hey,

I’m 33 and for as long as I can remember, I’ve identified as gay; I’ve always been able to appreciate a good looking girl but nothing sexually…
Recently I’ve been experimenting with porn and I’m sure that actually, I am bisexual…

I used to think you were either 100% gay or 100% straight but I think you can be 50/50 - 60/40

I for one, don’t use a label for myself anymore - I like you I like and I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to…

 

[nburbsbiguy]

Don't worry about the labels and you seem to be overly focused on coming out. Experiment with actual intimacy with guys first and then figure out what to do.

 

[deleted10500801]

Don't worry about the labels and you seem to be overly focused on coming out. Experiment with actual intimacy with guys first and then figure out what to do.

Definitely. Labels and sexual identities are where a lot of people get caught up on. The key is not to label yourself and just explore.

 

[CaptainRugby]

Who cares? I don't mean about you, but about the label. If you find guys sexually attractive then that's cool, tell people that. Find a guy you think is attractive and see what happens. It might be that you are into having sex with men, or it might be that you just find them attractive.

What is clear though is that if you don't try then you'll be wondering till your 70.

I'm 22 and bi, send me a DM if you want to chat.

 

[halcyondays]

I read your entire post. You answered your own question in the first few lines. You're bi.

I recently turned 60. Like you I'm much more interested in & attracted to women than men. I suspected I was bi in high school. I didn't have sex with a guy until I was 22.

I've never come out as bi. I don't know why you or anyone thinks/feels they should. All that matters is that you know.

 

[michael_3165]

Maybe try it out w me haha

 

[bidad4son]

This post may be long but please, leave a comment if you manage to read the entire thing. I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully, I'm in the right area of the forum.

I'm going to be as honest as possible . I'm a 22 year old guy and ever since I was a kid, I can remember being attracted to guys and girls. I've always leaned more towards girls though, since I've never been with a guy etc. No one knows about my sexuality except me. At the end of my life, I see myself having a wife and kids but I wanna explore the side of me that I never did, with a guy. Who knows what could happen?

I used to think of my bisexuality as something that could ruin me but honestly, I really feel like this is the year I come out and tell people. I don't care what happens anymore, I just want to walk in my truth. My family literally won't mind and if I lose friends then so what?

But I have a question. Am I really bi or is there a different classification?

-------------------------------------------------------------

To be completely honest, I've only ever masturbated to videos of guys. I can only get an erection from women when I'm involved with them, there's physical contact, etc. seeing them in videos/pictures does nothing for me. And that's the weird part to me. I do that, but I genuinely can't imagine myself having intercourse with another guy, it's just not me. Maybe I'm saying that because I've never done anything with a guy before? Even so, it really just doesn't seem like something my heart would be in. In fact, when I see the guys in these videos start to show their private areas, I get turned off and end up clicking out. I've had sex with women though.

It's obvious to me that the guys I'm attracted to guys that are better looking than me. I grew up with insecurities about my appearance (Trying to work on them now), so whenever I see a guy that looks better than me, I just find myself looking at them/observing how good they look, wondering if they're bi, wishing I could look like them, etc. At the most, I'll wonder what they look like shirtless, but I never really think about anything sexual. If I really like how they look, I might get an erection but that's it. Conventionally speaking, I'm not even ugly or anything, I guess I'm just big on looks and am surprised to see just how good some people can look, guys more so than girls.

I googled it and apparently this is called aesthetic attraction. The definition seems pretty spot-on and I can relate to it. But does the fact that I masturbate to guys mean that I'm sexually attracted to them too? What about me not being able to see myself having intercourse with another guy?

-------------------------------------------------------------

I say all that to say that: I want to come out this year but I don't even know if I can call myself bisexual because of what I just typed ^. I'm not gay, but it's clear that I'm not 100% straight either. If I were to come out, I can see myself dating a guy. The attraction would be there for sure, but I just can't wrap my mind around doing anything sexual with him. At the most oral, but I imagine that I'd be the one receiving, not giving.

So I'm just not sure. I'm really lost. Not to mention the stigma I'd face from a lot of women because they don't want to date a guy who's "been with other guys".

Can someone give me advice? I'd really appreciate it. I want to tell my truth but I don't know what my truth is and what it's called.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I want to come out but I don't know what I am. You could say I'm aesthetically attracted to guys, but I can't see myself doing anything sexual with one. I'm also attracted to girls though, so I'm just confused on what I'd call myself and what I'd tell people when the time to come out is here. Can someone please help? Thank you.

I can say as a biwmmm,
you would be surprised how few 100% kind of people there are. In the Navy a few drinks often led to fun of which there was no memory the next day. Enjoy being bi.

 

[deleted13888921]

I can say as a biwmmm,
you would be surprised how few 100% kind of people there are. In the Navy a few drinks often led to fun of which there was no memory the next day. Enjoy being bi.

I'm bi and so was my ex wife. We enjoyed many, many hot experiences. I was bi before I met her, during dating and with our marriage, and beyond our divorce. So, it IS possible to have this lifestyle as a single guy or as a married one.

 

[Lexterharley]

if you want more advices, I suggest asking on some bisexual subreddits like r/bisexual, r/bisexualmen, etc

 

[Dandelion13]

This post may be long but please, leave a comment if you manage to read the entire thing. I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully, I'm in the right area of the forum.

I'm going to be as honest as possible . I'm a 22 year old guy and ever since I was a kid, I can remember being attracted to guys and girls. I've always leaned more towards girls though, since I've never been with a guy etc. No one knows about my sexuality except me. At the end of my life, I see myself having a wife and kids but I wanna explore the side of me that I never did, with a guy. Who knows what could happen?

I used to think of my bisexuality as something that could ruin me but honestly, I really feel like this is the year I come out and tell people. I don't care what happens anymore, I just want to walk in my truth. My family literally won't mind and if I lose friends then so what?

But I have a question. Am I really bi or is there a different classification?

-------------------------------------------------------------

To be completely honest, I've only ever masturbated to videos of guys. I can only get an erection from women when I'm involved with them, there's physical contact, etc. seeing them in videos/pictures does nothing for me. And that's the weird part to me. I do that, but I genuinely can't imagine myself having intercourse with another guy, it's just not me. Maybe I'm saying that because I've never done anything with a guy before? Even so, it really just doesn't seem like something my heart would be in. In fact, when I see the guys in these videos start to show their private areas, I get turned off and end up clicking out. I've had sex with women though.

It's obvious to me that the guys I'm attracted to guys that are better looking than me. I grew up with insecurities about my appearance (Trying to work on them now), so whenever I see a guy that looks better than me, I just find myself looking at them/observing how good they look, wondering if they're bi, wishing I could look like them, etc. At the most, I'll wonder what they look like shirtless, but I never really think about anything sexual. If I really like how they look, I might get an erection but that's it. Conventionally speaking, I'm not even ugly or anything, I guess I'm just big on looks and am surprised to see just how good some people can look, guys more so than girls.

I googled it and apparently this is called aesthetic attraction. The definition seems pretty spot-on and I can relate to it. But does the fact that I masturbate to guys mean that I'm sexually attracted to them too? What about me not being able to see myself having intercourse with another guy?

-------------------------------------------------------------

I say all that to say that: I want to come out this year but I don't even know if I can call myself bisexual because of what I just typed ^. I'm not gay, but it's clear that I'm not 100% straight either. If I were to come out, I can see myself dating a guy. The attraction would be there for sure, but I just can't wrap my mind around doing anything sexual with him. At the most oral, but I imagine that I'd be the one receiving, not giving.

So I'm just not sure. I'm really lost. Not to mention the stigma I'd face from a lot of women because they don't want to date a guy who's "been with other guys".

Can someone give me advice? I'd really appreciate it. I want to tell my truth but I don't know what my truth is and what it's called.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I want to come out but I don't know what I am. You could say I'm aesthetically attracted to guys, but I can't see myself doing anything sexual with one. I'm also attracted to girls though, so I'm just confused on what I'd call myself and what I'd tell people when the time to come out is here. Can someone please help? Thank you.

Just enjoy about your sexuality

 

[deleted15667551]

Cool chat.

 

[carlomars]

OP i can totally feel you. You described myself 100%. Always jerk off to attractive men, especially those who give straight/bi vibes. Don't like gay porn per se but i love looking at beautiful aesthetics. I have a gf, i always get hard when we're together, i enjoy pussy, eating it and having regular straight sex. However, sometimes i feel guilty, sometimes i say "you jerk off to guys, you must be lying to yourself. You' re gay" and i beat myself up psicologically. Othertimes, i cope with it, I just accept that's who i am: a maybe bi or straight curious guy who can like both.

It's not easy tho, i feel you.

 

[HorseHung40's]

So what if you are bisexual? Your sexuality is your business, until YOU choose to make it someone else's business.

 

[johnjohnston]

A few of the previous posts covered things fairly well, but I think I have a few more insights.

Sexuality is a weird and individual thing, especially for many people in the queer spectrum. Being conventionally 100% heterosexual, 100% homosexual or 50/50 bisexual or pansexual your entire life are real things for a lot of people. But it’s not as typical as many seem to think. People are often more individual and specific. Sexuality often has fluidity, preferences, contradictions, paraphiliacs. While “sexuality” itself is not just one thing but a lot of different elements put together (types and degrees of arousal, desire, passion, pleasure, comfort, paraphiliacs, fetish, how strong your sexual impulses and sex drive are). People also can use identities arbitrarily. Just because someone is “straight” or “gay” or “bi” presenting doesn’t mean that they don’t have their own nuances. While people often use identities as sociology and about who they want to fit in with. And a lot of folks see “straight” or “gay” as more about sexual leanings or overall preferences or lifestyle or commitment ambitions. And the gender, sexual, affection, romantic attachment, emotional investment, relationship contentment and commitment spectrum is wide and varied.

Yes, there are many males who are more comfortable sexually engaging with women or have more inherent attractions toward women or people who aren’t cis males, but they are homo-leaning when it comes to the overall spectrum. It’s just that those guys tend to pretend that they don’t prefer persistent same-sex passions, affection, affirmation, emotional attachment, love, commitment, and they try to make it work with a chick. Or they simply stay closeted. Or they just use a “bi” identity to cover their nuances. There’s still a persistent belief that if you’re not homosexual or sexually homo-leaning then that means you can’t have “gay” leanings and overall preferences. That is a very rudimentary and basic few of human passion, connection and psychology that we need to evolve from.

A lot of guys don’t know how to maturely deal with fluidity or contradictions or questioning. So, they start doing a lot of insecure stuff, start manipulating, persona building, indulging gay panic or homo inferiority, indulging self-destructive behaviors, start hating on “gay” if they used to be entirely homosexual, etc. You don’t want to be like those guys. My advice is always just try not to manipulate people. If you need real help then get it. Make sure you don’t move with insecurities or resentments. And try to get a more full understanding of yourself beyond identities or ego or sociology or sex.

 

[johnjohnston]

Let me also say that I think we need to stop investing in this 50/50 bi and pan stuff and stop investing in these percentages in general. I was disappointed when this site once again allowed people to put up the percentage nonsense in their bio. First, almost no one is 50/50 in every way and consistently 50/50 throughout their life. It also kinda disregards trans and non gender “normal” people. Where do they fit into percentages and “straight” and “gay”? Sexuality has so many different elements to it, can have different degrees of fluidity, can have fetishes or paraphiliacs or contradictions, can be greatly affected by hyper-sexuality or degrees of asexuality. Never mind how specific or evolving the gender, affection, romantic attachment, relationship comfort, emotional investment, commitment fulfillment elements can be. You got guys out here claiming to be “80% straight” because they have mostly had sex with chicks, but their romantic attachment and emotional fulfillment are still same-sex leanings and they spend a bunch more time talking about liking dudes than chicks. The way we use identities and this percentage shit is too simplistic and too random and too ego driven.

We’re still a bit too caught up in identities and percentages and ego and sociology and trying to fit in with whoever or fit out from whoever. Just investigate all your elements and struggles and motivations and be honest with yourself. Trying to adhere to certain words and percentages and being so driven by ego and sociology is not it.

 

[andy_life]

OP i can totally feel you. You described myself 100%. Always jerk off to attractive men, especially those who give straight/bi vibes. Don't like gay porn per se but i love looking at beautiful aesthetics. I have a gf, i always get hard when we're together, i enjoy pussy, eating it and having regular straight sex. However, sometimes i feel guilty, sometimes i say "you jerk off to guys, you must be lying to yourself. You' re gay" and i beat myself up psicologically. Othertimes, i cope with it, I just accept that's who i am: a maybe bi or straight curious guy who can like both.

It's not easy tho, i feel you.

omy i have been straight gay thought i must be bi then nar im straight tho hoped i was straight yet torn between wanting a woman i loved the feeling of being attracted to a mans body.. one or the other i used to say to myself i hated the word bi, man or woman, woman or man lol. one or the other!! im still struggling psychologically yet i hope im gay why cant i

 

[IanBlake]

I wouldn't come out before I tried a sexual encounter with another male. I've known otherwise self-proclaimed straight guys who date girls and only “come out” as bi when and if they cross paths with another man they hit it off with and literally starting dating the guys.

When one of my friends dated a man for the first and fell for him, he told me his feelings weren't for men, but for that one man only.