22M: Am I actually bisexual?

[techpump]

To the OP, if you imagine yourself holding hands with a man, like really holding hands in intimate ways that couples do, how does that make you feel?

I think penises are fucking amazing and I love them. I like to see them hard, huge and shooting massive amounts of cum. I love to see them engaged with a woman in any and all ways.

I think vulvas are fucking amazing and I love them. Big, fat, the more pussy the better for me. Huge clits I love them. Squirting pussies I want it all over my face, in my mouth, give it to me.

I'm married to a woman, we have done everything we can possibly do to each other. I've had her squirt in my mouth, pussy all over me, you name it we have done it. I can't get enough of her. Just a look from her makes me hard sometimes. We've been together 24 years.

I love anal play. Solo alone or with my wife. I have fucked my ass with every kind of toy imaginable for the last 18 years. I love non realistic and very realistic toys, dildo, and silicone cocks. I love Aneros toys and can have more orgasms from prostate stimulation than I can ever count.

My wife loves to peg me. She gives it to me real good. She wears realistic dildos and I suck them and deepthroat them to no end. She gets off on this, I get off on this. When I'm alone I suck my dildos, too. It is so fun I can't get enough.

One time recently playing with my wife, she was really getting me off anally and through other ways too, I told her I want a real cock. But not a man, I can't imagine kissing a man, looking at a man during anything sexual, and even the thought of holding hands with a man kind of turns me off. But, I love transwomen and there is something extra sexy about them. I told her I'd want a transwoman. She said make it happen.

I made it happen. Sucking a real cock for the first time was beyond belief. I couldn't get enough! She sucked me too, it was so super hot. She fucked my ass twice and I had orgasms from that that I've never felt in any other way before. It was a hot experience and we were very safe and I'm glad I did it.

So, what the fuck is my sexuality???!! I have absolutely no idea! But I know one thing: I love to get off, my wife loves to watch me get off and participate, I love to get my wife off and its a mission in my life to make her cum as much as possible, I still love cock, and I love anal pleasure. My wife asked if I'm bi now because of my experience. I said no, if I was bi I'd want a real man, not a transwoman. I'm not into pursuing a trans experience again because of the risks and I saw it as a rare and unique experience that was hot and sexy and fulfilling in a big way, and that was kind of that.

Sorry to give so much of my own self up here, but I'm using myself as an example to explain how wildly weird funky and kinky our sexuality can really be. If there is a name for what I am I don't want to know because labels are kind of wack and limiting in my mind. Once you know your label, it might be restricting or confining. It might make you feel like you need to belong in it and not stray from it. It might prevent you from doing something you feel like doing because that desire sounds like its outside of the label.

Keep exploring and try to have safe experiences sexually that push your boundaries and limits. You will know what you like and how you feel about it the more you try.

 

[alpha_centauri]

As I replied in your previous thread with the same question you asked before: Yes. But this is based on what you wrote about yourself.

 

[Tosser]

This post may be long but please, leave a comment if you manage to read the entire thing. I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully, I'm in the right area of the forum.

I'm going to be as honest as possible . I'm a 22 year old guy and ever since I was a kid, I can remember being attracted to guys and girls. I've always leaned more towards girls though, since I've never been with a guy etc. No one knows about my sexuality except me. At the end of my life, I see myself having a wife and kids but I wanna explore the side of me that I never did, with a guy. Who knows what could happen?

I used to think of my bisexuality as something that could ruin me but honestly, I really feel like this is the year I come out and tell people. I don't care what happens anymore, I just want to walk in my truth. My family literally won't mind and if I lose friends then so what?

But I have a question. Am I really bi or is there a different classification?

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To be completely honest, I've only ever masturbated to videos of guys. I can only get an erection from women when I'm involved with them, there's physical contact, etc. seeing them in videos/pictures does nothing for me. And that's the weird part to me. I do that, but I genuinely can't imagine myself having intercourse with another guy, it's just not me. Maybe I'm saying that because I've never done anything with a guy before? Even so, it really just doesn't seem like something my heart would be in. In fact, when I see the guys in these videos start to show their private areas, I get turned off and end up clicking out. I've had sex with women though.

It's obvious to me that the guys I'm attracted to guys that are better looking than me. I grew up with insecurities about my appearance (Trying to work on them now), so whenever I see a guy that looks better than me, I just find myself looking at them/observing how good they look, wondering if they're bi, wishing I could look like them, etc. At the most, I'll wonder what they look like shirtless, but I never really think about anything sexual. If I really like how they look, I might get an erection but that's it. Conventionally speaking, I'm not even ugly or anything, I guess I'm just big on looks and am surprised to see just how good some people can look, guys more so than girls.

I googled it and apparently this is called aesthetic attraction. The definition seems pretty spot-on and I can relate to it. But does the fact that I masturbate to guys mean that I'm sexually attracted to them too? What about me not being able to see myself having intercourse with another guy?

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I say all that to say that: I want to come out this year but I don't even know if I can call myself bisexual because of what I just typed ^. I'm not gay, but it's clear that I'm not 100% straight either. If I were to come out, I can see myself dating a guy. The attraction would be there for sure, but I just can't wrap my mind around doing anything sexual with him. At the most oral, but I imagine that I'd be the one receiving, not giving.

So I'm just not sure. I'm really lost. Not to mention the stigma I'd face from a lot of women because they don't want to date a guy who's "been with other guys".

Can someone give me advice? I'd really appreciate it. I want to tell my truth but I don't know what my truth is and what it's called.

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TL;DR: I want to come out but I don't know what I am. You could say I'm aesthetically attracted to guys, but I can't see myself doing anything sexual with one. I'm also attracted to girls though, so I'm just confused on what I'd call myself and what I'd tell people when the time to come out is here. Can someone please help? Thank you.

This is a great place to sort these matters out.
A clearing house of information.
To thine own self be true. If you don’t love yourself: change your mind!
I’m 72 years old and still discovering who I am!

 

[LOVE_MMFs]

I think the worst case scenario is to try to suppress your attraction to men, never explore that attraction, marry a woman, start a family and then realize that you can’t suppress that attraction anymore and feel compelled to explore it. What happens then? Do you confide in your wife? Do you explore on the down low?

You may or may not be bi, but does the label really matter? I think the important thing is to allow yourself to explore your attractions before settling down because it will become a much, much more complicated situation if you decide at that point that you need to explore.

 

[Tosser]

I think the worst case scenario is to try to suppress your attraction to men, never explore that attraction, marry a woman, start a family and then realize that you can’t suppress that attraction anymore and feel compelled to explore it. What happens then? Do you confide in your wife? Do you explore on the down low?

You may or may not be bi, but does the label really matter? I think the important thing is to allow yourself to explore your attractions before settling down because it will become a much, much more complicated situation if you decide at that point that you need to explore.

Yes!
Definitely more work (ask me how I know)!

 

[johnjohnston]

I don’t think folks have to “explore” if they don’t want to. It’s mostly about being truly honest with yourself. And even if you “explore”, things can still get complicated down the line.

There’s so much of trying to substantiate or “prove” just how “straight” or “gay” or “bi” you are when human sexuality is an incredibly individual thing. The modern day hyper focus on inherent orientation and being born a certain way has been beneficial in some regards but has also helped lead to even more embarrassment or deception in other regards. Lifestyle, preferences, experiences or non-experiences with fluidity, fetishes, paraphiliacs, the general rate of your sexual libido- these things are just as key to someone’s sexuality as their attractions. While there are many people who will have sex with a certain kind of person or will “date” a certain kind of person but will never have a legit, serious relationship with that kind of person. There are some guys who do have non-homo leaning attractions or sexual preferences but are still overall homo-leaning when it comes to the overall spectrum. There’s how much ego, attention, validation, sociology, internalized phobias, resentments, politics, money, traumas, mental health guides people. There’s the entirety of the gender, sexual, affection, affirmation, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. There’s various interpretations of different identities.

That’s why identities and how people present themselves will never be completely straight-forward or fool proof. There are too many different things going on with different people and different psychologies and different motivations. The important thing is to make sure your life and how you present yourself isn’t driven by fear or hate or ego or insecurities and that you’re not using or deceiving someone you’re being intimate with or someone you’re trying to build a real relationship with. If you follow those guidelines you’ll be cool. But many can’t stick with that.

 

[johnjohnston]

People also need to understand that “exploring” or coming out or adhering to whatever identities- these things are not a cure-all. They don’t eradicate internalized phobias, homo insecurities, gay resentments, toxic masculinity, traumas, mental health struggles, being an abuser, using people, fluidity, not understanding your place in the gender, sexual, affection, affirmation, romantic attachment, emotional investment, relationship contentment, commitment spectrum. It can be an important step. But there are a lot of “out” people who still have a lot of work to do or still have a lot of things to confront or who need to stop being leeches or being messy.

 

[tallmarriedprof]

I think the worst case scenario is to try to suppress your attraction to men, never explore that attraction, marry a woman, start a family and then realize that you can’t suppress that attraction anymore and feel compelled to explore it. What happens then? Do you confide in your wife? Do you explore on the down low?

You may or may not be bi, but does the label really matter? I think the important thing is to allow yourself to explore your attractions before settling down because it will become a much, much more complicated situation if you decide at that point that you need to explore.

Amen -- and there are few times better to explore than at 22.

Explore, contemplate, do what feels good, do what feels right (and do what is safe).

I think in today's world people think about labels too much -- it's all so political and what flag you wear.

Who cares, be a good man, be a good lover, be a giver and explore all this world has to offer.

Then & only then can you really know what makes you happy.

 

[talon.harvey]

I'd just like to genuinely thank everyone for replying to this post. To say I appreciate it all would be an understatement. I apologize for just now logging on and seeing most everything.

I tried shutting down these thoughts of mine but I've come to accept that I have a clear attraction to men and that I should just own that internally. I don't owe anyone the pleasure of coming out and who I tell is entirely up to me. I'm happy that I've accepted it within myself and I know I made a good choice in doing so after reading all of your replies and whatnot. Thank you for the many helpful pieces of advice and stories!

 

[EquusAZ]

Having read your post, I would consider you Bi. You answered your own questions throughout. Generally if someone asks "Am I *fill in the blank*" then generally they are. Generally. Also, as a Bi guy, I can tell you something important that I've realized as I've gotten older. Sexuality is more fluid for bi people, and I think thats why it may be hard to pin it down. I find women attractive / hot / sexy, but my husband is my spouse. Also my attraction has, and always is, based on the person and personality and less on what they look like. I imagine as time goes on you may come to the same conclusions. Good luck on your life journey and enjoy!