24, never had a relationship.

pikachuu1993

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2018
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
19
Points
38
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Hi,

I'm 24, and I've never been in a relationship, everyone just ends up "wanting to be friends", and because of this I've never had sex. This is causing me to have some pretty bad anxiety and confidence issues, and I don't know what to do about it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: plasmakdelibs

Ponto

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Feb 3, 2018
Posts
401
Media
7
Likes
341
Points
173
Location
Alice Springs (Northern Territory, Australia)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Welcome mate, you just have to put yourself out there, most people don't set out to have a relationship, sex yes but a long term relationship not really. For guys your age, they just want to fuck around, more the friends with benefits type of thing, it is only when they start getting into their thirties, starting to lose the bloom of youth, that they start wanting the One, a meaningful relationship with one person.

So get out there, and mix, latch onto your more gregarious, social male friends and enjoy the benefits that arise from it, it is sort of networking for sexual partners as women are less attracted to lone wolves than to a jolly bunch of men who are spewing out lots of androgenic pheromones. And women don't like desperation. Learn to relax, and stop fretting.

You could go to places where women go to be picked up, but as you are rather green, inexperienced, it could be dangerous for you. Stick with your jolly mates.
 

Notaes

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2015
Posts
4,404
Media
0
Likes
6,144
Points
158
Location
Tennessee
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
Hi,

I'm 24, and I've never been in a relationship, everyone just ends up "wanting to be friends", and because of this I've never had sex. This is causing me to have some pretty bad anxiety and confidence issues, and I don't know what to do about it.


Don’t ever give up! There is someone out there who will love you for who and what you are!
 

pikachuu1993

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2018
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
19
Points
38
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Welcome mate, you just have to put yourself out there, most people don't set out to have a relationship, sex yes but a long term relationship not really. For guys your age, they just want to fuck around, more the friends with benefits type of thing, it is only when they start getting into their thirties, starting to lose the bloom of youth, that they start wanting the One, a meaningful relationship with one person.

So get out there, and mix, latch onto your more gregarious, social male friends and enjoy the benefits that arise from it, it is sort of networking for sexual partners as women are less attracted to lone wolves than to a jolly bunch of men who are spewing out lots of androgenic pheromones. And women don't like desperation. Learn to relax, and stop fretting.

You could go to places where women go to be picked up, but as you are rather green, inexperienced, it could be dangerous for you. Stick with your jolly mates.

Hahahaa woops I think I set my profile up wrong, I’m gay, I’ve changed it now.
 
  • Like
Reactions: plasmakdelibs

Cum_is_Great

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 25, 2006
Posts
5,488
Media
100
Likes
12,382
Points
493
Location
Connecticut (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Hi,

I'm 24, and I've never been in a relationship, everyone just ends up "wanting to be friends", and because of this I've never had sex. This is causing me to have some pretty bad anxiety and confidence issues, and I don't know what to do about it.
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'll be 31 this year and haven't either!
 

hvdude

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Mar 9, 2015
Posts
3,078
Media
4
Likes
7,671
Points
283
Location
New York
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Trying to hard makes it more difficult for it to "happen". Make it easier by doing things you like: join a bowling team, a choral group, get involved with your church/synagogue, volunteer at a soup kitchen, etc. You'll meet people with similar interests and maybe they aren't looking or single but maybe they might know someone who is. When you least expect it....
 
  • Like
Reactions: plasmakdelibs

pikachuu1993

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2018
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
19
Points
38
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I just got out of 4 years of Uni, I joined loads of clubs and did a lot of networking. I used to be a much more secure person, but I think that has gone now. I'm currently self employed in a small town, so there really isn't much going on here. Plus I'm really starting to get anxious about being so inexperienced when it comes to sex, I would definitely need someone who understands that, and I think that will be hard to find. :/
 
  • Like
Reactions: plasmakdelibs
D

deleted1074483

Guest
I just got out of 4 years of Uni, I joined loads of clubs and did a lot of networking. I used to be a much more secure person, but I think that has gone now. I'm currently self employed in a small town, so there really isn't much going on here. Plus I'm really starting to get anxious about being so inexperienced when it comes to sex, I would definitely need someone who understands that, and I think that will be hard to find. :/

you have to remember that you're still young, you're not in a unique position whatever you may read or think, there are many other guys and gals in your position. Having just relocated to a small midlands city I know it can be difficult to find a guy, but there are opportunities, join Gaydar/planetromeo/hell even craigslist or tinder or grindr or one of the many tools you have now and advertise yourself being very clear about your position and what you're looking for.

Other than that you need to get out there and meet people, or go to the nearest place with a gay bar at weekends.

It is difficult at any age but just go for it, and don't be down on yourself, remember all your good points and concentrate on them.

And don't worry about a lack of experience, if you find the right guy, you'll be fine.

Good luck
 

pikachuu1993

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2018
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
19
Points
38
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
you have to remember that you're still young, you're not in a unique position whatever you may read or think, there are many other guys and gals in your position. Having just relocated to a small midlands city I know it can be difficult to find a guy, but there are opportunities, join Gaydar/planetromeo/hell even craigslist or tinder or grindr or one of the many tools you have now and advertise yourself being very clear about your position and what you're looking for.

Other than that you need to get out there and meet people, or go to the nearest place with a gay bar at weekends.

It is difficult at any age but just go for it, and don't be down on yourself, remember all your good points and concentrate on them.

And don't worry about a lack of experience, if you find the right guy, you'll be fine.

Good luck

Thank you for the kind words. I have been on all the dating apps for a while now and nothing has happened for me.

It's just that, this is what I have already been doing for the last 6 years of my life and it just isn't working. There's only so much of doing the same thing you can take.
 

pikachuu1993

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2018
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
19
Points
38
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Why are you beating yourself up about this? You’re so young enjoy life and have fun! My first ever relationship has lasted 8 years so far because I waited for who was right not who was easy and available

That's good to know, that is the kind of relationship I am looking for. I'm trying to enjoy life, just so crushingly lonely. I have friends, who support me a lot, but there's just something missing.
 

Dave NoCal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 5, 2006
Posts
2,719
Media
1
Likes
2,578
Points
333
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
If what you are doing isn't working all that well for you, is there something you need to be doing differently? In the past, I have been guilty of setting too many preconditions before getting to know guys and can think of a few that might have worked out well. The other think is that the pool is inevitably small in smaller cities. It's partly the law of percentages but also, a lot of the gay guys who have more initiative move away.
 
D

deleted3782

Guest
Look at the bright side, you have no stalkers, no STDs, no one threatening you, no one using you, no blackmail. Going solo might be lonesome, but at least you aren't shoved head-first through a meat grinder. If it happens that you find someone, that's great. But if you don't, that's great too. Try to be grounded and confident enough that you don't feel incomplete without another person. I think it's better to be solo and lonesome than with someone who makes you feel miserable.
 

Beanie

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 27, 2007
Posts
4,498
Media
18
Likes
9,923
Points
493
Location
Cardiff (Wales)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
That's good to know, that is the kind of relationship I am looking for. I'm trying to enjoy life, just so crushingly lonely. I have friends, who support me a lot, but there's just something missing.
I think the key is to focus on what is good and present in your life and not so much on what you think is missing. From what you said I believe that your sense of lonely ness is compounded by how it affects your life and by how much.

I don’t want to sound all fluffy here but it’ll happen when you least expect it and it’ll be much more precious because of that.
 

KennF

Legendary Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Posts
2,185
Media
9
Likes
1,964
Points
258
Location
Florida (United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I'm curious if your concern about sexual inexperience or a lack of a relationship. These are two separate issues, and each of these might suggest a different approach.

If you're interested in becoming sexually experienced, then put yourself out there. There are plenty of guys who just want sex.

If you're interested in developing a relationship, then ask yourself if you want to engage in sex, or hold onto your virginity. You might be finding that guys are putting you in the friend zone because they think you aren't into them. If they expect sex at an early point in the relationship, and you don't, then they can easily think you aren't into them. Thus they put you in the friend-zone.

If you want to be a virgin, until the moment is right for you, then you need to let them know so they can adjust their expectations.
 

pikachuu1993

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2018
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
19
Points
38
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I'm curious if your concern about sexual inexperience or a lack of a relationship. These are two separate issues, and each of these might suggest a different approach.

If you're interested in becoming sexually experienced, then put yourself out there. There are plenty of guys who just want sex.

If you're interested in developing a relationship, then ask yourself if you want to engage in sex, or hold onto your virginity. You might be finding that guys are putting you in the friend zone because they think you aren't into them. If they expect sex at an early point in the relationship, and you don't, then they can easily think you aren't into them. Thus they put you in the friend-zone.

If you want to be a virgin, until the moment is right for you, then you need to let them know so they can adjust their expectations.

I would definitely need to be in a relationship with someone before I would consider having sex with them. But at the same time I feel being a virgin is become another roadblock to finding that right person. Lots of people seem to be after people who are sexually experienced.

To be honest I'm currently finding it hard to find people to even get into a relationship with. The people I have had feelings for I have been very open with them about how I feel, I do not shy away from telling people I like them.

I'm just finding it really hard to be optimistic at the moment. I was for a very long time, but I think that has run out.
 

KennF

Legendary Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Posts
2,185
Media
9
Likes
1,964
Points
258
Location
Florida (United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I would definitely need to be in a relationship with someone before I would consider having sex with them. But at the same time I feel being a virgin is become another roadblock to finding that right person. Lots of people seem to be after people who are sexually experienced.

To be honest I'm currently finding it hard to find people to even get into a relationship with. The people I have had feelings for I have been very open with them about how I feel, I do not shy away from telling people I like them.

I'm just finding it really hard to be optimistic at the moment. I was for a very long time, but I think that has run out.

If you are looking to stay virginal until you're in a solid relationship, then you are going to remain sexually inexperienced until then. You can't change that.

Telling people you date that you like them, is not the same as showing it. People believe what the see and feel, more than what they hear. If your lips are saying "I like you", but you're not being intimate (without sex), then they may just read you as "like me in a friend way". You will, regularly, have to overcome the natural tendency of guys to put you in the friend-zone.

It is tough. Most younger guys (especially the under 30 crowd) equate sex with intimacy. And, in correlation, equate sex with boyfriends. Friends are just boyfriends without sex. That changes as you get older and understand the difference between intimacy and sex.

For you, since you value your virginity higher than they do, you are going to have to be more open and forthcoming. It can't just be that you "like" them, but that you really like them AND are saving yourself until (fill-in-the-blank).

If they really want sex, then you are competing with all the other guys that are willing to have sex. With that understanding, you have to do the extra work to win your guy and constantly remind him or show him that you ARE romantically interested.

Just my tuppence.
 

pikachuu1993

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2018
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
19
Points
38
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
If you are looking to stay virginal until you're in a solid relationship, then you are going to remain sexually inexperienced until then. You can't change that.

Telling people you date that you like them, is not the same as showing it. People believe what the see and feel, more than what they hear. If your lips are saying "I like you", but you're not being intimate (without sex), then they may just read you as "like me in a friend way". You will, regularly, have to overcome the natural tendency of guys to put you in the friend-zone.

It is tough. Most younger guys (especially the under 30 crowd) equate sex with intimacy. And, in correlation, equate sex with boyfriends. Friends are just boyfriends without sex. That changes as you get older and understand the difference between intimacy and sex.

For you, since you value your virginity higher than they do, you are going to have to be more open and forthcoming. It can't just be that you "like" them, but that you really like them AND are saving yourself until (fill-in-the-blank).

If they really want sex, then you are competing with all the other guys that are willing to have sex. With that understanding, you have to do the extra work to win your guy and constantly remind him or show him that you ARE romantically interested.

Just my tuppence.

I don't think it's that I'm saving myself, I just need that emotional connection before I could have sex with someone. It's just hard finding that someone. I seem to have some sort of anti-love aura or something.


25 still a virgin

Does this ever bother you? Have you ever had a serious relationship?