24, never had a relationship.

[sangheili90]

Finding a person with whom you could have a potential relationship with can be a difficult endeavor for any guy, even more so for one who is looking for another man because very few men in the general population are gay. Typically people have their first relationships whilst in high school or college, as this creates an easy environment for dating due to literally being surrounded by tons of people who are around your age. Due to extenuating circumstances or just not being interested in dating people at that point in your life, once you get past college/high school meeting other people whom you may be compatible with becomes increasingly difficult so it is easy to see how one could get well into their twenties with no experience.

This is coming from a straight male, but common sense would dictate that if you are looking for a relationship it would be in your best interest to not put too much focus on meeting someone through grindr or at a bar, as those are primarily used for sexual hookups. I realize it's a bit different being a gay man, but it would be better for you to find someone in a more normal environment, say a social or something like that. Also, you need to take into consideration the demographics of your area, as this also can severely limit your potential dating prospects.

You are only 24 and far too young to be putting so much pressure on yourself about all of this, just do yourself a favor and not get overly attached with the first thing that comes along that may or may not be ideal for you. Create a set of standards for yourself and the people with whom you'd want to date or have a relationship, whatever that might look like for you.

Also, be prepared for the likelihood of meeting a lot of potential dating prospects who are already taken.

 

[cockydude2018]

Finding a person with whom you could have a potential relationship with can be a difficult endeavor for any guy, even more so for one who is looking for another man because very few men in the general population are gay. Typically people have their first relationships whilst in high school or college, as this creates an easy environment for dating due to literally being surrounded by tons of people who are around your age. Due to extenuating circumstances or just not being interested in dating people at that point in your life, once you get past college/high school meeting other people whom you may be compatible with becomes increasingly difficult so it is easy to see how one could get well into their twenties with no experience.

This is coming from a straight male, but common sense would dictate that if you are looking for a relationship it would be in your best interest to not put too much focus on meeting someone through grindr or at a bar, as those are primarily used for sexual hookups. I realize it's a bit different being a gay man, but it would be better for you to find someone in a more normal environment, say a social or something like that. Also, you need to take into consideration the demographics of your area, as this also can severely limit your potential dating prospects.

You are only 24 and far too young to be putting so much pressure on yourself about all of this, just do yourself a favor and not get overly attached with the first thing that comes along that may or may not be ideal for you. Create a set of standards for yourself and the people with whom you'd want to date or have a relationship, whatever that might look like for you.

Also, be prepared for the likelihood of meeting a lot of potential dating prospects who are already taken.

So eloquently stated, @sangheili90 . Can't add a word. Perfection

 

[cockydude2018]

I'm not criticizing your choice.

I am saying that a lot of guys, especially the under 30's, don't need (or in many cases want) that emotional connection. You do.

Since that is how you feel, then you will need to overcome their instincts. They think sex leads to a relationship. Right now, a lot of people (especially 18-25) think sex first - relationship second.

Experience and age teaches us that those two things are separate, but I've never been able to convince an 18-25 year old that they are wrong. It just isn't something they can understand, because they lack the experience of the two things being separate.

You want/need a relationship before having sex. It is very mature and old-school, so not something most people understand.

I read a story once where it was described as this... Dating is like a river which has a natural ebb and flow. At some point the river breaks into separate channels and you have to raise flags to steer the other person into the correct channel. One set of flags lead to the bedroom and the other to the altar (marriage). If you don't raise any, then they think you are telling them to drop anchor and stay friends.

The guys you are dating are expecting the "bedroom" flags. When you don't raise those, they think you are saying "let's be friends". You will need to adjust your flags to send the right message (whatever that message is).

You may need to ask yourself, how much of an emotional connection you want before having sex? And what does that mean/look like?

I love this. As experienced as I am, I learn by reading great posts like this

 

[Jim999]

I can't believe that 20 somethings are having such a difficult time finding sex and intimacy. I've posted on lpsg... my 500-600 partners. I've been shamed here for that. But I'll tell you, I'm happy I had the experience. Your 20s, 30s and 40s are the prime of your sex life. Stop all the solo sex and go have some fun. Be a slut for a while. Maybe, in the process, you'll find Mr. Right. (Never got a disease, either!)

Problem is not that we don't want to have sex , we r dying to have
But problem is to find the right person to have it with.
Yes , for some there is grindr and bar where you can hook up and have all the fun you want.
But for people like me and from the country I belong it's very difficult being gay or bi. Legally emotionally.
The entire definition of men here is abt drilling a vagina. To be a man who is likes other men or want to suck a dick or get one up in the ass is big crime. Even if u meet someone and have mutual liking for each other, the other person would chicken out in fear of being in a so called 'taboo' relationship and you don't want to even lose a friend and be all alone.
And then there is paid sex but for the person I am the first penis I have I don't want it to be a total stranger, I don't want to be in total mad love but atleast I should know the person.
Things are much easier I guess in Europe and usa, than the situation we face, people there r lucky in some way

 

[852147]

Hi,

I'm 24, and I've never been in a relationship, everyone just ends up "wanting to be friends", and because of this I've never had sex. This is causing me to have some pretty bad anxiety and confidence issues, and I don't know what to do about it.

It will come your only 24 still very young there is plenty of time. I know anxiety is hidden and crippling I use to suffer from it in my teens and very early twenties in odd moments it ruined so many opportunities with women over the years. Mine was due to a bad childhood if I am honest I’m lucky to have mostly dealt with it now in my late ish 20s. Unfortunately you have to just put yourself out there and rejection causes more anxiety and it is a vicious circle as you where anxious before but anything truly worth it is very hard. I know this is from a straight male but the principle is the same we all want to be truely loved. Sorry if I’m rambling.

 

[KennF]

Problem is not that we don't want to have sex , we r dying to have
But problem is to find the right person to have it with.
Yes , for some there is grindr and bar where you can hook up and have all the fun you want.
But for people like me and from the country I belong it's very difficult being gay or bi. Legally emotionally.
The entire definition of men here is abt drilling a vagina. To be a man who is likes other men or want to suck a dick or get one up in the ass is big crime. Even if u meet someone and have mutual liking for each other, the other person would chicken out in fear of being in a so called 'taboo' relationship and you don't want to even lose a friend and be all alone.
And then there is paid sex but for the person I am the first penis I have I don't want it to be a total stranger, I don't want to be in total mad love but atleast I should know the person.
Things are much easier I guess in Europe and usa, than the situation we face, people there r lucky in some way

Hi @Jim999.

I am a little confused. Help me out.

@cockydude2018 was responding to the OP, who is from England. You are responding saying "we" and you're including yourself in the OP's situation. But, it sounds like your situation is different.

In England, it is not difficult to find sex without commitment. The OP is very interested in the relationship first. He doesn't want a sexual encounter without some emotional connection.

In some countries or cultures, finding that emotional commitment is more acceptable. However, in others, the sex may be easy but finding someone to date is extremely risky.

I know he's from England, but where are you from?

 

[cockydude2018]

It will come your only 24 still very young there is plenty of time. I know anxiety is hidden and crippling I use to suffer from it in my teens and very early twenties in odd moments it ruined so many opportunities with women over the years. Mine was due to a bad childhood if I am honest I’m lucky to have mostly dealt with it now in my late ish 20s. Unfortunately you have to just put yourself out there and rejection causes more anxiety and it is a vicious circle as you where anxious before but anything truly worth it is very hard. I know this is from a straight male but the principle is the same we all want to be truely loved. Sorry if I’m rambling.

More good advice from an experienced man. No, @hero52 , you're not rambling

 

[852147]

More good advice from an experienced man. No, @hero52 , you're not rambling

Thank's I am now okay with women do fairly well was terrible when younger lol! I'm not that experienced i'm a few year's older then him but as I said I changed became confident so if I can anyone can trust me I was terrible would not leave the house to nervous of social situation's extc so can change have faith guy's and girl's.

 

[cockydude2018]

Thank's I am now okay with women do fairly well was terrible when younger lol! I'm not that experienced i'm a few year's older then him but as I said I changed became confident so if I can anyone can trust me I was terrible would not leave the house to nervous of social situation's extc so can change have faith guy's and girl's.

I've mentioned before that I have anxiety and occasionally take hydroxizine for that. See your doctor. Get referred to a therapist. You shouldn't have to deal with the pain. Message if you want

 

[Leakingpre247]

Every virgin lacks experience. Ya know? Now I dont know you but I had a friend who would boldly tell people he liked them and came on way too strong. He tried to force relationships and people pushed back.

Being in small community does limit you. If you are open for feedback, ask your straight and gay friends for feedback in how to improve or if there are issues. Some are really nervous about telling friends things and dont want to hurt their feelings. Make it private or even a survey monkey. But dont get mad or defensive...feedback is meant to help. Ask them...they know you best.

 

[852147]

I've mentioned before that I have anxiety and occasionally take hydroxizine for that. See your doctor. Get referred to a therapist. You shouldn't have to deal with the pain. Message if you want

I'm okay now Thank's i'm talking at least 5 year's ago was from issues from my childhood that I have dealt with.

 

[megahungdude]

Plus I think this got changed into being about sex. Personally, for me, sex is a byproduct of a relationship. I just want that human connection, to actually feel loved for once.

See this is what I was kind of attempting to get at though. I used to be so insecure about myself physically, and so I leaned on this idea that I was waiting for the perfect guy and the perfect relationship whilst never actually doing anything to go and find it, and all it really was in hindsight was a defence mechanism to keep me from ever having to actually connect or (god forbid) get naked with anyone.

Gaining confidence in yourself is the cornerstone of overcoming anxiety and insecurity, and the only real way to do that is through exposure and practice, and putting yourself in situations where you're confronting your insecurities head on. So, for me at least, finally deciding to just get out there and have sex was what it took to confront my insecurities about my appearance. And it ended up being the most amazing boost to my self-confidence in every respect, and it's led to me connecting with guys and all kinds of relationships, from casual sex partners and regular fuck buddies to long-term friendships and relationships.

Okay so that's just what worked for me and maybe whatever anxieties you have stem from somewhere completely different, but I could see the parallels so I thought I'd share.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

See this is what I was kind of attempting to get at though. I used to be so insecure about myself physically, and so I leaned on this idea that I was waiting for the perfect guy and the perfect relationship whilst never actually doing anything to go and find it, and all it really was in hindsight was a defence mechanism to keep me from ever having to actually connect or (god forbid) get naked with anyone.

I know everyone is different and goes through their own personal problems and insecurities. I'm not trying to downplay your insecurities you had or anything but I look at a fucking handsome guy like yourself and wonder how you had *any* insecurities in your physical appearance. When I hear things like this, it makes me realize everyone is human but then it also makes my negative side come out and feel that if you felt insecure in your appearance with that handsome face and fucking unbelievable cock, then I am absolutely justified in being insecure in myself.

Of course I know what I should do to resolve my problems, the issue is I don't have the support system at the moment. Depression and anxiety is crippling. I'm glad you were able to "come out of your shell" so to speak but my goodness there wasn't anything physically to be insecure of in my opinion. But I'm usually a very laid back dude when it comes to "judging" others but not on myself. But I'm just ranting and saying random nonsense.

 

[atx_9167]

Hi,

I'm 24, and I've never been in a relationship, everyone just ends up "wanting to be friends", and because of this I've never had sex. This is causing me to have some pretty bad anxiety and confidence issues, and I don't know what to do about it.

Everyone starts dating at different stages in their life. What might be good for one person may not for another. Ask yourself are you really ready to date if so try and put yourself out there.

 

[pain4anangel]

I don't believe being demisexual should be a setback for you. The first thing you should do is search for other demis.

I was a virgin until I was 24. To me, sex and feelings couldn't be further apart. I don't know if I am capable of it. Of course, shocker, I've never been in love. I've had quite a few unconventional, and a few dysfunctional, relationships, but nothing that has resulted in what most people have. I'll be 40 in May. I've had plenty of fun since losing my virginity, but I've also spent a lot of time learning about myself and what I like. Almost too much so lol. It's really difficult to match up kink interests, sexual interests, and vanilla interests...AND be mutually attracted. It's very difficult. It's also difficult when you read online forums and see what people really think about their significant others or of those they are interested (or not) in. If I still have hope, so can you

I have certainly had no regrets and only good has come from learning who I am and things I'm into. I have discovered bad, but that, in turn, is good to know as well!

I hope you can find some demi forums and ask for advice from others similar to you

 

[Ito]

I know exactly how you feel the only differences are I will be 39 tomorrow and I am straight.

 

[pain4anangel]

I know exactly how you feel the only differences are I will be 39 tomorrow and I am straight.

Happy early birthday!

 

[Ito]

Happy early birthday!

Thank you.

 

[englad]

I would definitely need to be in a relationship with someone before I would consider having sex with them. But at the same time I feel being a virgin is become another roadblock to finding that right person. Lots of people seem to be after people who are sexually experienced.

To be honest I'm currently finding it hard to find people to even get into a relationship with. The people I have had feelings for I have been very open with them about how I feel, I do not shy away from telling people I like them.

I'm just finding it really hard to be optimistic at the moment. I was for a very long time, but I think that has run out.

My advice to you is. Simply do your absolute best to relax and try to find a good way of enjoying being single too. You should look for a guy that is going to complement your life rather than fill a hole in your life. If you are happy being single, your happiness will radiate from you, this will in itself be appealing.

I get that it can be particularly tough in the gay world out there, because a lot of guys are just interested in sex rather than a relationship. But just power through don't get disheartened, just be you. Be a little careful about how you communicate your feelings, I only say that because that can be tough for men generally and also with English guys too (speaking as one and having dated them before I moved here), because sometimes these factors can be difficult to convey or express our feelings.

My main advice is just, keep your chin up, find happiness within yourself and look on a basis initially of looking for friends. Don't get too caught up on being sexually inexperienced, because if you get to the stage where the guy has that level of feelings for you in return, he won't mind any slip ups initially. Plus you will find some of it comes naturally, you have the same equipment after all, and to be honest you can pick up some tips from reading too.

So go out there, look for guys on a friendship basis, but tactile friendships importantly (i.e. hugging/cuddling that sort of thing), be clear about your lack of interest in sex pre-relationships. The reason why I've stated tactile is because you will work out whether you click on a personal level, the tactile side will bring on feelings through the oxytocin.

 

[LaFemme]

I hesitate to weigh in, being a primarily straight woman, but here’s my two cents.

Don’t pressure yourself. There’s no time limit on getting into a relationship, and if you need to feel something with someone before engaging in sex - stay true to yourself. Don’t get anxious about it. That’s just who you are. You do you. It’s how you’re wired, so are others. Not all gay men are into hundreds of anonymous encounters. Just be the man you’d want to date. Don’t let your age define you. Live, grow, learn and be open to new possibilities. An adventure awaits in the future. We all have at least one eventually.