25 rules for being a good Republican

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Imported, Dec 12, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    warmsunshine: Don't know if this has been posted already, but I thought it was pretty funny AND accurate.

    25 rules for being a good Republican:

    1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for your "recovery".

    2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

    3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

    4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the
    "wrong" gender.

    5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

    6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

    7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

    8 ) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

    9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

    10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.
    [Note: Sean Hannity was fired from his first radio job (at a Univ. of California campus radio station) for some racist remarks. The ACLU intervened and got him rehired; of course, now he has no regard for the left-wing zealots at the ACLU.]

    11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

    12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

    13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

    14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

    15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

    16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.

    17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

    18 ) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

    19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

    20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

    21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter".

    22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28
    pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

    23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

    24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is "stale news" and "irrelevant".

    25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.
     
  2. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: man dont get me started on this again...my blood pressure went up 30 points last time i got into this...
    liberal democrats...like YOUR perfect...
     
  3. Imported

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    longtimelurker: That was v. funny, although I always thought the Cuba thing was just standard US policy rather than Rep/Dem party lines - after all, the annual vote in the UN to overturn the trade embargo has been voted down for the last 12 years, the latest being 179 to 3 (the US, Marshall Isl and Israel).
     
  4. Imported

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    Inwood: They're mildly amusing to me. Of course, the things about good jokes, puns, etc. is the kernel of truth that they are based on. It's even better when the butt of the joke gets it and can smile ruefully that there wouldn't be a joke going around if they didn't provide the basis for it.

    There are a lot of people who we can work up these jokes on -- most likely ourselves if we think about it.

    Still I do like the one that includes Hiliary.
     
  5. Ralexx

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    :D, all right, but - hey ! - this is not what a Right party should be !...
     
  6. Imported

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    Tender: Ahem!!!
    i have a qualm with this one here.


    8 ) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

    excuse me, but IMHO a woman gives up rights to her body when she CHOOSES to have sex, she KNOWS that pregnancy CAN be a result, even with protection.
    Explain to me then, why a BABY is HER body??
    DONT even get me started!!!
    30 points? thats it, jerkin?
    mine went up ALOT more than that lol!

    it was typical sterotype bunk....
    would be funny if some people didnt actually beleive half of it...
    ::)
    Tender
     
  7. Imported

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    hawl: [quote author=Tender link=board=99;num=1071245211;start=0#5 date=12/13/03 at 22:03:04]
    excuse me, but IMHO a woman gives up rights to her body when she CHOOSES to have sex, [/quote]Damn, it's so hard to keep track of who here is into heavy bondage scenes... :D!
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    RULES OF THUMB

    by John Hawkins


    "Here are few generalities about American politics that I believe to be the case. They're not always true, but they're good rules of thumb to keep in mind.

    1. Don't ever expect a conservative to get an even break from the mainstream media.

    2. To the mainstream media and the left, every war is Vietnam.

    3. You convince conservatives with logic, liberals with emotion, and moderates with a mix of the two.

    4. A Conservative can't outspend a liberal on domestic issues, so he shouldn't bother to try. Conversely, a liberal can't out-cut a conservative on domestic issues, or outspend him on the military, so he shouldn't bother to try.

    5. Conservatives turn on their own much quicker than liberals do and it serves us well because we usually don't end up dragging our image down in the public eye by defending the indefensible.

    6. "To understand the workings of American politics, you have to understand this fundamental law: Conservatives think liberals are stupid. Liberals think conservatives are evil." -- Charles Krathammer

    7. Conservatives believe in fighting wars to further America's interests. Liberals believe in fighting wars that DON'T further America's interests.

    8. Ironically, I've found that people who chide others for "not having an open mind" usually have closed minds themselves.

    9. You're not going to take a President down with a scandal because everyone who isn't a diehard partisan on your side believes you're exaggerating what's happening for political gain.

    10. A lot of scandals, maybe even the overwhelming majority of them, are tempests in teapots that only the politcal junkies understand & care about.

    11. Even if a problem facing America is serious, it usually takes a crisis to prompt both parties to get together and deal with it.

    12. "The devotees of the party in power are smug and arrogant. The devotees of the party out of power are insane". -- Jane's Law

    13. Ironically, even though Democrats hold Social Security in much high esteem than Republicans do, the GOP has been so scarred by Democratic attack ads that it's actually much more likely that a Democrat will cut Social Security benefits or raise the age requirement than a Republican will.

    14. One of the biggest problems Republicans have is that after they run and win as a Conservative, they immediately move towards the center & irritate many of the people who voted for them, ostensibly to make it more likely that they'll be reelected.

    15. Since Kennedy, even hawkish Democrats in the White House have been incapable of dealing with tough foreign policy issues because of a fear that their base, which is more concerned with limiting American power and impressing Europe than defending America, will abandon them at election time.

    16. Because of triangulism, each party may have a better chance of getting major items on their agenda passed with a President from the other party in office.

    17. Democrats secretly support illegal immigration because they look at illegals as new voters. Republicans secretly support illegal immigration because business interests need the cheap labor and because the GOP doesn't want to offend minority voters. Because of this, neither party looks out for the American people's interests where illegal immigration is concerned.

    18. New government programs are easy to get passed because the people they benefit are happy about them and the people they hurt (The American taxpayers) usually won't notice the effect of a single program or know who to blame if they do. Conversely, it's very difficult to cut government programs because the people who used them get very unhappy & make a big stink while the taxpayers generally don't notice the difference. Because of this, government will inevitably continue to grow unless some sort of legal restraint is put on it.

    19. 50% of the American public generally doesn't pay attention to politics. So if a politician makes a positive or negative impression on them during those rare times when are paying attention, it's very difficult to change that initial impression.

    20. There is no real & honest debate about race going on in America today.

    21. The American public usually prefers to have a bird in hand than two in the bush.

    22. Americans are usually lukewarm about tax cuts, but tend to get all fired up if someone tries to raise their taxes.

    23. People have VERY SHORT memories when it comes to politics. That's why politicians can get away with telling the exact same lies every election cycle.

    24. Without an alliance against the Soviet Union to hold us together, the US and Europe will drift farther and farther apart over time.

    25. Relationships between nations are built on similar interests, not on good will. So don't base your foreign policy around building up good will or you'll be sorely disapointed when you find that all of your kind acts meant so little to the nations you did them for."


    This one is mine: Conservatives don't enjoy eating children for breakfast. We'd rather send them to work in a sweat shop than eat them.

    Pecker
     
  9. Imported

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    Inwood: Mildly amusing list too.

    However one editing tip. On No. 18 "the people they benefit" probably should read "the American taxpayer they benefit."

    Whether rich or poor, those who benefit from these programs, they are all American taxpayers. Well most of them are, there are a few rich and poor who don't pay taxes.
     
  10. Synergistic

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    Actually I think the Alternative Minimum Tax ensures that everyone over a certain dollar limit does pay some tax. In the late 60s when it was introduced it only affect maybe 200 people, but its not adjusted for inflation and will affect probably millions of Americans this year.
     
  11. Imported

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    tracksuitboy: [quote author=jerkin4-10 link=board=99;num=1071245211;start=0#1 date=12/12/03 at 08:36:41]man dont get me started on this again...my blood pressure went up 30 points last time i got into this...
    liberal democrats...like YOUR perfect...[/quote]
    However, warmsunshine can spell and you can't.  "Your" should be "you're". One point to warmsunshine then ....
     
  12. Imported

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    tracksuitboy: [quote author=Tender link=board=99;num=1071245211;start=0#5 date=12/13/03 at 22:03:04]it was typical sterotype bunk....
    would be funny if some people didnt actually beleive half of it[/quote]
    IMHO from the other side of the pond it is not bunk and, like all good satire, it works because there is a basis of truth. However, to be fair and balanced, I am sure that someone could write "25 Rules for being a good Democrat" which the Republican Right would smirk at and make the leftie-liberal-pinko-commie types cringe.
     
  13. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: tracksuit...who friggin cares...another goofy english guy that has nothing worthy to say...so he looks for stupid faults in what others have to say...grow up!
     
  14. Imported

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    tracksuitboy: Irony not big in the Jerk household then?
     
  15. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: ironic you have nothing to say, other than chasing other peoples quotes looking for faults?...is that that point...
    look dildo...i know how to spell...i also know how to compose and the correct way to write things...but...in case you have not noticed..this is a 'chat' room...and i dont spend hours editing my quotes as i go...everyone got the meaning of the 'your' in question...and to make my point...to be totally correct about the whole thing..it was not mis-spelled...it was the wrong form of the word used...

    just a personal note...if i were you...i would stop without making further comment to me...because we have a saying in the south...'if you go bear hunting , sooner or later 'you're' going to find one'...you have found one my friend....and are not equipped to deal with him...so lets part ways here...and leave it at that...
     
  16. Imported

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    tracksuitboy: I suggest we do not bore members of the board with this tripe.

    TSB yawns and turns off computer
     
  17. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: tsboy...no stomach for it?...dont start what you cant finish...cheerio! ;)
     
  18. Imported

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    str8_nnj: ...lets have a beer,and blame the french
     
  19. Imported

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    Tender: [quote author=str8_nnj link=board=99;num=1071245211;start=0#17 date=12/15/03 at 13:48:52]...lets have a beer,and blame the french[/quote]

    count me in! ;D
    and ill take some 'freedom fries' with my coke lol

    Tender
     
  20. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: well...i had some french...er...freedom toast this morning...so im in... :)
     
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