2nd Marriage? What Are Your Non-Negotiables?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Nov 20, 2009.

  1. Principessa

    Gold Member

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    I'm pretty sure I have discussed this before but we have had a lot of new members since then and I am curious how much opinions have changed.

    My cousin remarried in October 2008, after having raised his daughter alone. When he decided to start dating again, he had a few non-negotiables.

    1) She had to understand he was a biker and he wasn't giving it up. She was welcome to ride pillion, or stay home and not complain.
    2) He's a Christian. She didn't have to go to church with him; but she best not get in his way when he goes. Funny thing, he met his 2nd wife at a church social.
    3) He's 6'3" and refuses to give up his king size bed.
    4) He plays guitar and has a room in his house where he can play and not be bothered or be bothering her. He does not want it painted pink, or have vintage dolls and dried flower arrangements added to it. That and the garage are his spaces. She can do what she wants to the rest of the house.

    IMO - If more men & women could be that honest and up front about what they can't live with or without the world would be a better place.

    He & his 2nd wife are a good match. She rode pillion for a while on his old Honda, then decided he wasn't moving fast enough and bought a Vulcan of her own. :biggrin1: :cool:

    After my most recent dating debacle, one of my online friends is convinced that I should just hang it up. Told me to hire escorts if I want sex; but give up on dating and marriage as I am too old :irked: and set in my ways. :confused: :mad:

    Sorry, maybe I'm a hopeless romantic but I refuse to just give up on love. Couples like my cousin and his 2nd wife give me hope. I find them inspiring. For the sake of clarity theirs is not a perfect relationship with no baggage. His 23 year old daughter was born with a bad attitude & can be quite the bitch. Her 13 year old son is ADHD and a rather clingy mama's boy. Compromise and concessions have been made all around; but they make it work.

    For those of you that have been married before, what are your non-negotiables?
     
  2. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    You are never too old. I have friends that have been living together for 30 years and recently decided to get married. My Dad looks like he has found a new love after spending 55 years with my late mom. He and my brother's mother-in-law are a hot steamy item, at 75 they can't keep their hands off each other; 43 is my no means too old.

    If I found myself out there again the non-negotiable item would be that I would not give up the intensely intimate relationships that I have with my friends that I have group sex with. So I would also help if she was a swinger too.
     
  3. whatireallywant

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    I'm 46 and haven't even had a first marriage yet! :eek: But I don't consider myself too old - I'm agreeing with the previous poster who said "You're never too old". :smile:

    I do have some non-negotiables but some of it I've gone on about too much already. One thing I will say though is that he has to agree with my political views - I hate arguing politics and I'd especially hate to argue politics with someone I'm dating or married to! :mad: (And no I can't just keep quiet in that situation, although I do in most social situations since I'm usually in the minority, and often the ONLY one with my views... and again, I hate to argue...)
     
  4. D_Ming_Vais

    D_Ming_Vais New Member

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    It is said that second marriage is the victory of hope over wisdom.
     
  5. D_Maurice Mountlilly

    D_Maurice Mountlilly Account Disabled

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    how can you think to give up?!!!
    never,never....NEVER give up on love
    i was thinking the same way just a few weeks ago when all my love prospects went down like a bad maury povitch/jerry springer episode.
    but thankfully i snapped out of it. i'm 36yrs of age and people are so shocked when they find out i'm not married(been engaged twice)
    but i don't let things like that get me down.
    if the right woman comes along i'm cool with it.until then being single(especially since i have no kids)isn't a bad thing.take advantage of it.live life.(do you boo...lol) you seem like a grounded open-minded person(i say seems because that cause i don't know you or anybody else here on a regular/personal basis)and you shouldn't shut yourself down to what you want in life.
    now all that said you have a good day,keep ya head up,and i'll step back into the background and read the responses to this thread....PEACE!
     
  6. Countryguy63

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    IF I was ever get married again....

    My girls are #1!! Sorry, no one comes before them.

    I have animals. I've had them before I met you, I'll have them after.

    I am very busy with Youth Organizations, and other activities that I have been in for 20+ yrs. My preference is that you get involved with me so we can work together and enjoy each others company, but if not, don't expect that I'm going to quit everything because we got together. Hello, I got involved with them because I enjoy it!!

    Just about anything else is negotiable
     
  7. BS76

    BS76 Active Member

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    I probably won't ever get married again with due to how the laws are in the US. However, I'd certainly be keeping this in mind:

    Relationships Kill Sex Roissy in DC

    My favorite part of that was in the comments about communicating our goals:

     
  8. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Must want an open marriage.
    Must be able to communicate her needs and express her emotions healthily.
    Must be intelligent enough to keep up a conversation.
    Must have an active libido.
    Must be able to take care of herself physically, emotionally, and financially.

    On the flip side, there are many red flags I look for that the person is not partner material for me.
    Must never engage in passive-aggressive behavior.
    Must never try to bully or intimidate others.
    Must never escalate a disagreement into a conflict.
    Must never start a drama scene.
     
  9. D_Doe_Ray_Mi

    D_Doe_Ray_Mi Account Disabled

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    This is a good start and I'd add:
    Honesty and fidelity are a must
    Never use sex as a weapon
    No negativity
    No substance abuse
    No emotional abuse
    No "chickifying" my cool, tech, bachelor pad
    No cats!
    Authenticity in all things
    Talking out feelings
    No pink anything except your beautiful body
    You are not in competition with my car, friends, snowboarding or anything else that reflects me and what my life has become
    Join me and/or accept what is
    A strong sense of personal security
    Loves herself and genuinely loves me
     
  10. hung15us

    hung15us Member

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    After 22 years with a great woman and now seeing her afterwords I would like to get married again. I won't say anything bad about her but there is nothing worse than a scorned woman. Now after 3 years single I find that it will be a long time before I will except a woman again in my intimanted life. They just open their mouth and start to talk along with their actions and it turns me off right then. Mybe in another 5 years I'll relax to tolorate their games.
     
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