35 Facts You'd Better Know About Chuck Norris

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by marleyisalegend, Apr 21, 2008.

  1. marleyisalegend

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    1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you

    2. There is no 'CTRL' button on Chuck Norris' computer, Chuck Norris is always in control

    3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents everytime he listens to a song

    4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open

    5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip

    6. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent

    7. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    8. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

    9. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

    10. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words

    11.Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

    12. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

    13. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

    14. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

    15. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

    16 In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

    17. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

    18. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    19. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

    20. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

    21. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

    22. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

    23. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down

    24. Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order

    25. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold

    26. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period

    27. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up

    28. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday

    29. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom

    30. Chuck Norris knows what Willis was talkin' about.

    31. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris

    32. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe

    33. When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders

    34. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

    35. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit
     

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  2. Krusader

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    Ahh good old Mr. Norris fact
     
  3. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    Kryptonite has been found to contain trace amounts of Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicks to the Face, which is why it's so harmful to Superman.
     
  4. HazelGod

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    Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse...horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
     
  5. HamYai

    HamYai New Member

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    #36. Chuck got his ugly ass kicked by this 5'.7" 128Lb chappie:
     

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  6. Catchoftheday

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    I've still no idea who it is
     
  7. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Well, actually that's partially true- the little fella did manage to kick nine yards of dogshit out of him before the little fella broke his neck.
    FOrtunately, Chuck survived- later the little fella died of an overdose.
     
  8. Axcess

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    That's the best thread ever !!! Chuck norris is the supreme god !!!!!!!!!!:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
     
  9. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Chuck Norris holds his socks up with thumbtacks.
     
  10. No_Strings

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    2006 was a fun year, I guess.
     
  11. scottish.47

    scottish.47 New Member

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    If Chuck Norris is so "all that", how come his toupee looks so bad.
     
  12. marleyisalegend

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    i dunno, that's a good question, why don't you go do some research on that?? make sure u keep us posted
     
  13. ZOS23xy

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    He needs a 'stach to make his lip look normal.

    He is vastly overrated.
     
  14. marleyisalegend

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    Chuck Norris is the shiznit
     
  15. ripped rod

    ripped rod New Member

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    I agree:confused:
     

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  16. Not_Punny

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    Chuck Norris has bigger guns than North Korea.
     
  17. Axcess

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    Chuck Norris is the supreme god nuff said . :biggrin1:
     
  18. killerb

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    friggin hilarious!

    BTW I can do #'s 4 & 5 myself...:cool:
     
  19. Mr. Bungle

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    Chuck Norris once jumped off the Empire State Building - and he only sprained his ankle.
     
  20. Jasper72

    Jasper72 New Member

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    Chuck Norris was the real ghostwriter behind Shakespeare.
    He didn't take credit for the plays only because he has written better plays simply by blowing his nose.
     
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