1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you
2. There is no 'CTRL' button on Chuck Norris' computer, Chuck Norris is always in control
3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents everytime he listens to a song
4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip
6. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent
7. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
8. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
9. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
10. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words
11.Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
12. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
13. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
14. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
15. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
16 In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
17. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
18. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
19. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
20. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
21. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
22. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
23. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down
24. Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order
25. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold
26. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period
27. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
28. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday
29. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom
30. Chuck Norris knows what Willis was talkin' about.
31. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
32. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe
33. When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders
34. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky
35. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit
2. There is no 'CTRL' button on Chuck Norris' computer, Chuck Norris is always in control
3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents everytime he listens to a song
4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip
6. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent
7. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
8. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
9. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
10. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words
11.Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
12. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
13. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
14. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
15. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
16 In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
17. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
18. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
19. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
20. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
21. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
22. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
23. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down
24. Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order
25. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold
26. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period
27. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
28. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday
29. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom
30. Chuck Norris knows what Willis was talkin' about.
31. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
32. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe
33. When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders
34. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky
35. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit
