40 year old virgin

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Bryan_Lyte2, Feb 8, 2006.

  1. Bryan_Lyte2

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    I'm 21 years old. I havent had a girlfriend since I was 14 years old.

    Seven years ago I was dating a 6'5' girl one year older and nearly a foot taller than I. I cant remember what happened. One minute We are dating the next we simply are not. I never showed her my body, and neither she of me. We never even talked about sex nor marraige, yet the last thing she ever said to me is "...I'm celibate."

    Since then I've been in a funk, never getting back to the swing of things. Even now I attribute those words to my lack of love. I often flirt and still make advances towards women, even though the "I'm straight" story has bent to damn near gay. It's now become a concern. I can't get a girlfriend or even a guyfriend. Either ever girl in this town is already taken or I'm lacking something that other guys have. I don't think its confidence, or personality but it has to be something.

    If you are wondering why I put this thread here It's because I need a womens' perspective. Especially since it was a woman who crushed me so hard it still hurts.

    I'll upload some pictures (though a little skewed for reasons) to show how I look in case it's an appearance issue, and I'll respond to any questions or comments. I'm dead serious I don't want to be a 40 year old virgin, or worse...never.
     

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  2. nouveau

    nouveau New Member

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    Well you look fine to me.
    Just keep trying; socialise lots, talk to lots of ladies, I'm sure you'll get there eventually! :smile:
     
  3. SurferGirlCA

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    Awww, Bryan, well if you were 14 and she was 15, don't hang your hat on that as what you can expect to have happen always. You're an attractive guy and you can obviously string words together into sentences. Assuming you shower regularly and brush your teeth, you're already ahead of a lot of guys I've met. :wink: Kidding aside, as nouveau mentioned, you just have to hang in there. My suggestion is to get out there in the world and pursue activities you enjoy, because then you're at least likely to meet someone who shares an interest - and that's a good start. Good luck!
     
  4. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    Well, I certainly don't think it's an appearance issue --- in fact, why you would question your appearance for even a second will seem utterly bizarre to most people here. But the way we look and the way we think we look are, sadly, two different things.

    I think the key words in your opening post are "14 years old". That's such a crucial period in our definition of who we are going to become as adults, and I fear that through a single negative experience then, you've grown fearful that it will always be this way. But one-off experiences at 14, no matter how heavy with meaning and significance they may have seemed at that time, are not a means for living life as some kind of predestined disaster.

    From your posts on LPSG, you clearly have much personality, intelligence, and good humor. Your pictures show that you are also incredibly easy on the eyes :wink:... The only barrier between your having successful (sexual and non-sexual) relationships therefore exists in your mind as a hang-on from adolescence.

    My advice would be: forget adolescence and move on! I was a hideously podgy and geeky little teenager and thought that the worlds of love, sex, sharing and inner happiness would always be alien to me --- until one day I just refused to accept such a bleak outlook on life any longer, and actively set about seeing myself in a new light, and improving those things that held me back. It requires a lot of effort to start promoting yourself anew ... but the pay-off is huge, with the feeling of bringing happiness and a sense of worth both to yourself and those you interact with making life a whole new experience again.

    So I think you need to stand back, forget how you see yourself for now, and just go out and interact with the world openly, discarding the woes of an adolescent mind. Of course, those woes will still be there at first, but they'll swiftly dissipate if you only put in the effort to put a period after them and restart life as 21-year-old Bryan, who refuses to live in the shadow of 14-year-old Bryan.

    What a load of rambling waffle :rolleyes:
     
  5. pdrprst

    pdrprst New Member

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    I was a geeky, scrawny kid and was 0 for 3 on my first crushes. You have to learn to forget the past. Meeting people that don't know the old you helps a lot. This is why I always recommend going somewhere for college, you get to start over socially.

    You are 21 years old and entering your peak sexual years. If I were to give some advice, move to or hang out a lot in Hollywood, Santa Monica, Redondo, etc. There are tons of single twentysomethings there and your odds of meeting someone will increase drastically.

    That and what SurferGirl said about the snetences thang make you way better guy.
     
  6. Bryan_Lyte2

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    Thanks you guys for the support, but...still. I've been a walking disaster since the second grade. I started really early, but always seem to get crushed really hard.

    The last three were my senior year in high school. THREE in one year. One became pregnant by another guy, One got married and will be having her first child soon, and the other literally fled the country. Neither was technically my girfriend but they all crused me really hard, than elevated it to the next level.

    Where would you be if the last girl or guy you were seeing just left the country and you had to hear about it from their best friend. Wouldn't it make you wonder?

    I keep trying but disaster strikes me everytime. I'm almost to the point of swearing off women altogether.

    As for guys I can't seem to meet one altogether. I guess I have no gaydar at all.:cool:
     
  7. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    Bryan, I think what you're describing is actually just life. :rolleyes:

    I could put together a reasonably comparable tale of woe if I look back to when I was 19. The girl I lost my virginity to went off and married a Moroccan waiter; the guy I slept with after that developed a strange personality disorder meaning that he wanted to quarantine people for 2 days before he would consider them approachable within his house; and the guy after that told everyone he was emigrating overseas, which we all believed until his picture turned up in a local newspaper, revealing he was in fact only about 30 miles away. Looking back, it seems like an improbable comedy of errors, but at the time, it seemed like the fates were against me. Especially as the last guy had had the cheek to dump me while we were on a bus --- on a fucking bus, if you please! :rolleyes2:

    For me, the solution --- in all aspects of life --- is not to let the past weigh you down so much that it overshadows the present. Sure, learn from that past ... but don't get stuck living in it and failing to interact with the present. Particularly not when you are at a peak time in your early 20s :wink:

    It sounds to me like giving up on women entirely is a pretty poor plan ... just be yourself, with the same witty, intelligent personality you have here, and stop thinking the past will repeat itself. There's no reason I can see why you shouldn't be an ultra-popular hottie. :smile: As for the whole 'lacking a gaydar' thing --- maybe I'm stating the obvious, but you're in fucking California, and there's no shortage of gay clubs, gay bars, gay restaurants, gay caf├ęs, and even gay bookstores within striking distance of you. Try just popping in for a drink to see how you feel after that. :rolleyes:
     
  8. spankorama_gal

    spankorama_gal New Member

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    hi brian alex is right. you need to look forward mate. dont let the past colour the future. you were very young. remember all people are different. there will be loads of people out there who would love your company either as a friend or on a romantic level. the main thing to remember is to get out there .join some clubs or something. it can be difficult going into pubs etc on your own but there are lots of places where you can meet people. just take the bull by the horns mate. you will feel so relieved after you have done it once and things will get much easier. carolyn.
     
  9. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

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    Story of my life, although I'm 23 with a past experiance at 10 so *nyah*.

    So, from one "loser" to another, well, gaining trust and respect is important, there's not much point trying to get third base if you can't even arrive at the stadium! Be yourself, be friendly, approachable, you're in better shape than I am (I have the muscle-weight, if not the build!) so at least someone will find you fuckable. From personal experiance, I find that stuff that boosts your attitude and can change your outlook is handy. For me, I went "amateur" for a day, so now I'm happy that at least I know there are women and men who think I'm the shiznit, even if I would never take their offers. Y'know, something that makes you feel sexy. Love starts from within.

    Of course, to do better than me, you'll have to get over the fact that I'm also "remotely frightening!" good luck! :)
     
  10. Bryan_Lyte2

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    I'm a little naive. What does this mean.:confused:
     
  11. Bryan_Lyte2

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    Some people have the worst of luck. I suppose I have either bad luck, or bad timing. I say bad luck right now but let me explained what just happened.

    I was all geared up for a "possible" date. It started nearly a month ago (plenty of time to get in to an even better shape). I started dieting and exercising. Talks between us were few and far.

    One week before the "window of oppurtunity" wich was the week long business trip in Los Angeles. No reponse.

    My job sees a new talent (my ability to quikly hang clothes on hangers) and trades me with another employees place at my job. I've now gone from Cashier making 39 hrs. a week to stockroom/warehouse clothes pusher making 25 hrs. a week.

    My hours changed and so have my days off.

    The week of the "window of oppurtinity" I find I only have one day open for a rendevouz, Friday, the last day of the "open window".

    Tuesday rolls around and I'm given the news that I'll have to take thursday off for a funeral.

    Wendsday, My boss tells me since I'll be missing thursday I have to work Friday. I ask to work on my other day off, Saturday, but Saturday has already too many employees coming in.

    Friday? screwed.

    Saturday, I stay at home watching cartoons and eating everything in the fridge.:cool: :mad:
     
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