Can we all remember that he does not come from a loving, stable, drama-free background? I mean, unless I'm remembering incorrectly, his mother and sister are narcissistic, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. Anyone else remember when he used to talk about them? I have zero memories of him ever mentioning his own father. (I do remember when he posted his face. Nice enough face. Definitely no Adonis, though.) Doesn't that, by his own definition, make him an undesirable?
I never addressed the criminal history assertions, and I want to, because I'm involved with an ex-con.
His crimes were sometimes violent. He said something once that was so subtle I can't even remember it, but it gave me the impression he had been in some kind of institutional situation, but had not succumed to an institutionalized mindset upon release. I am legally married to someone with a TS, and my actions and associations can negatively impact his ability to maintain the clearances he needs to do his job. So, I snooped in this dude's house and used what I could find to have a background check run on him without his knowledge or consent. I could not ignore what I found. I wasn't completely surprised either. With me he is gentle, affectionate, loving. But I've long had the impression that it wouldn't be difficult to provoke him to violence. A threat to me, or to his son would do the trick, for example.
He was never convicted of his violent crimes. I saw that there had been charges, but no trials. I still don't know why they never went to trial. I saw assaults, some batteries, but his convictions were all related to burglaries. He stole a lot of jewelry and cash, and was armed, but didn't hurt anyone in the process. He got caught with tools while prowling, and subsequent warrants lead to the discovery of items not yet fenced. He spent six years in prison.
While he was in, he missed all of his child support payments. This impacts his ability to get most kinds of state licenses, and he cannot get a passport. This limited his opportunities. He was determined never to inflict injustice upon others again, and never to return to prison, but it is awful hard for felons to pay their bills legally. He does though. He figured out what he could do without a background check, and went into business for himself. He taught himself to cut hair, and challenged the licensing exam without going to barber school. He is presently certified as a Master Barber, which grants him license to teach others. He's still renting space in a shop, but he's pretty close to having what he needs to open his own. It'll be nice, too, from the ideas he's bounced off of me. He has poor credit, and so has to use investors, but he's been flipping houses. It would be more profitable if he had cheaper financing. His bills are paid, his son is well provided for, and he's just focused on the dream. He wants to take his son to another country. He needs to finish digging out from under that back child-support.
So. Why have I chosen to still associate with him? I like the way he thinks. He's excellent at abstract thought, and this leads to creative problem solving you have to witness to believe. He flouts convention. Sure, that's most of what got him into trouble in the first place. But it makes him unstoppable. If he wants to do something, no one can convince him it can't be done. This thinking often reveals to him opportunities that others would miss. He runs with every idea, too, which is counter-intuitive to me. I suggested focus. Somehow he keeps everything running. His company cuts hair, does nails, flips houses, and sells juice and herbal supplements. I believe he is on track to fully, and legally, claim the life he wants.
For now, we are dating. I date him and someone else. He was also dating others, but I think I'm the only one right now. I'm never any drama. He cannot afford to associate with dramatic women, he told me. I also won't tolerate any bullshit, as he learned early on. I don't think he was used to that kind of pushback.
I'm not trying to life him up. For now. He's not my favorite of the two I see. I do really like him as a man, I cherish his friendship, and the sex is incredible. I don't hold the past against him, because he transcends it daily, and he was immediately candid with me about everything when I asked. He had no way of knowing I knew everything, and he was honest with me. I confessed that I had violated his privacy, and he forgave me. I really wanted to wake up next to him this morning, but I have a hard day ahead, and chose not to see anyone last night. He's so nice to wake up to. He gives sweet, sleepy affection until I get up, then, when I'm leaving, he wraps up in a blanket and kisses me all the way to my car. Goofball.
Sometimes instability and mistakes in the past form a foundation for stability by creating clarity, and a desire to never revisit the horrors of the past.
