3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
This doesn't even make sense. You want us to hatch plots with our evil twins to take over the family business?
4. Mark anniversaries & birthdays on a calendar.
Women: Realize that if we forget one of these dates, it is not ironclad proof that we don't care about you. We simply forgot.
6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.
I can use first letters to indicate words too: STFU. This is especially rich in light of #11: "Return favors."
9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.
Bullshit mind games. And of course it's up to her to decide when plain, charming jealousy has tipped over into overly-possessive territory.
11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).
We go down, you go down.
12. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.
Unless a couple is in the mood for a quickie.
13. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.
Here we find the heart of the problem with lists like these: women like the one who wrote this believe men and women should be complete equals -- except in cases where they want women to be more equal than men. Sorry, hon. If you want to keep all the gains that came with women's rights, you have to take the losses as well.
16. Laugh at our jokes.
17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.
As someone else pointed out, these are directly contradictory sometimes. In fact, #17 invalidate probably 70% of this list.
20. Do not start with us. You will not win... not kidding .. we ALWAYS win
Girl power puffery. You ALWAYS win... unless it's, say, any kind of athletic competition, for example. If we're talking about arguments, how about we agree that the party who is right should win? Otherwise it's the "more equal" problem again.
22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
Why the "usually" qualifier? Oh, that's right -- because you want to reserve the right to act like a bitch if you feel like it.
23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes! Ever!
Way to break down stereotypes there, lady.
25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car. I know it seems like a lot but is it that hard?
Yes, it is that hard. You've got fucking arms: use them. Or are you a helpless damsel in distress? If that's the case, I don't see why you should get the same salary as me if you can't do shit for yourself.
26. We love surprises!
And I love to give them! For example, I'd like to surprise whoever wrote this list by smacking them across the mouth.
30. Clean your room before we come over.
Please do the same for your cooch.
32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.
Note to women: Men are not fucking mind readers. If you don't like the way we do something in bed, tell us how to do it better. Note: Do NOT begin by telling us we suck; simply say, "What you're doing feels good, but could you try x and y?"
33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
A paean to codependency. If the man you're with hurts you, find another man, for Christ's sake.
34. Sometimes even when you think we hate you, we don't, we just want you to apologize so we can be allowed to love you again
Bullshit mind games, yet again. What does this even mean? I'm supposed to randomly apologize whenever you're in a bad mood? Fuck that noise.
35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight. AKA don't be an ass
Great point, except that you kind of like it when I'm an ass.
36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
Sometimes!? What the fuck is this? How much time and effort has been spent drilling it into men's heads that no ALWAYS means no, regardless of situation or context. Is this woman trying to get men convicted as rapists? Try telling the judge that this was one of those "sometimes" situations in which no didn't mean no and see how far it gets you.
41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
You'll get over it.
44. Silent treatment + shoulder shrugs + tears + yelling + nasty looks = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
Either tell me what it was instead of engaging in juvenile, manipulative bullshit, or get the fuck out.
45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
If you really shouldn't be wearing those low-rise pans, please be self-aware.
46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone.
Jesus, get a hobby.
47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.
I assume this also applies to engagement rings, so by this statement you have forfeited your rights to be disappointed if it's cubic zirconia.
48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
Don't get upset if you don't hear it for a long time, then.
49. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you...eventually we always catch you.
Except when you don't.
50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends knows everything about you.
Did you tell her how good I am in bed? If so, that was a mistake.
53. A quote from Sex and the City submitted by Molly
Adam: Well then c'mon....give me a BJ. Up and down a couple of times; you're done....its easy!!
Samantha: Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there; Teeth placement and jaw stress and suction and gag reflex and all the while bopping up and down, moaning, and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey....they dont call it a job for nothing!! :biggrin1:
I promise not to bitch about the challenge of going down on you if you do the same for me. I enjoy it because I like to get you off; you should feel the same way.
54. Please clean your bathroom before we arrive and make sure there is ample toilet paper available.
This may be the only good piece of advice in this entire ridiculous list. The thing is, it applies when any guest comes over, so it's not specific to women.