Here is my story. I turned 50 a few months ago; I am an attractive woman but close to 6 feet tall. I was married many years ago which occurred being too young and a mistake. I married because I was encouraged by my parents on how he would be successful and was a nice person. Those things did prove true combined with my personality of the time of just believing this was how my life was supposed to be. But, I knew very quickly I was unhappy as we were not a great match. Nevertheless, we stayed married for almost 8 years as I faulted myself and tried to make it work. It never did. Also, our sex was not really pleasurable for me. I had no idea why sex was unsatisfactory and again pretty much blamed myself. My husband would do oral which certainly felt good but not great. When we would fuck I didn’t experience any great sensations and after I think even the first year of marriage I only would engage in sex to please him as it did nothing for me. My husband had a decent girth to his penis but it was probably in the 5 to 6” average range I suppose. At the time, I didn’t consider it to be an issue. I had done a couple blowjobs in High School with different boyfriends and one boy had a much larger penis but the few others were around the same. The two that ended in sex were those rushed type of back seat adventures and again nothing was like I thought sex was supposed to feel like.
Eventually, we ended in somewhat of a bitter divorce because my husband’s family had money and hired an expensive attorney who was able to render court decisions leaving me almost nothing.
One other issue I know I had was my height. I have always felt awkward about being so tall and being a very pretty blond haired woman who likes to dress and wear high heels I can often be more like 6’2”. I just never felt comfortable dating men shorter than that and, in fact, I know psychologically it feels better when the man is more in the 6’5” range. I don’t want to feel big and that definitely helps.
After the divorce, I eventually started dating and perhaps to annoy my parents, a black man. He was a professionally employed accountant, and we had met at a sports bar. We didn’t have sex right away or anything of the sort. But after a few dates we went back to the bar and several of his black friends were there and started teasing us both about me being a blond, him being black, and this was the stereotype often seen in combination. Plus, they would joke about how pretty blonds knew black men had big “johnsons”, I remember laughing at that term. Secretly that teasing excited me and got my juices flowing. So when Alan drove me home to my small apartment this time I invited him in. We quickly began kissing and I will admit having gone without sex for a while I was horny. I unbuckled his pants, and then once they dropped got down on my knees and slid down his underwear. I was a little disappointed as he had a nice size soft penis but nothing that I thought was that special. I took him in my mouth and experience the strangest thing. When I sucked on him and sort of sucked back his penis stretched like a rubber band. My past experience had of course been mainly with my husband and his penis was not elastic at all like this one. I continued to feel Alan’s penis sort of elongate and when I moved back to now look at the instrument still slightly hanging down it had grown considerable long. I stroked it watching it become fully erect and although I would say the same girth as my ex, Alan’s penis must have been at least 3” longer somewhere I guessed like 8” or perhaps more. Alan tried to remove my clothes to go down on me but I was very excited and told him I wanted to have him fuck me now. So I lay back on the couch and Alan got on top of me and I could feel his penis slide deep inside me. This was an entirely new sensation and almost immediately I felt a pleasure and warmth as he slid back and forth. He laughed and said, “Wow, you swallowed all of me with no problem (meaning my vagina) and not every girl takes it so easily. Guess you are use to the big ones.” I looked up at Alan and said I had never been with a well-endowed man before and told him he felt wonderful. Alan started fucking me faster and pushing deep. I had never ever moaned during intercourse but his penis was hitting spots that caused me to lose control of my own body and voice. This was how sex was supposed to be as I recall thinking at that moment. Suddenly, like a tornado inside my vagina, I felt this spasming sensation and intense feeling. Oh my god, I exclaimed as I realized I was having a vaginal orgasm. The only orgasms I ever had was from my own masturbating with a vibrator not even inserting it but just rubbing it on my clit. Even that was hard work and nothing as fulfilling as what I was now experiencing. The sensation of this vaginal orgasm also made me feel closer in body with Alan. I don’t know another way to explain it but like a type of passion for a man that isn’t about love. So I said what I was thinking, “Alan, you are a good fuck.” He was. He now was pounding me and I couldn’t believe that I felt the sensation growing toward a second orgasm. I had to concentrate and didn’t think I would get there but then Alan grabbed my rear and pulled me tight to him and it felt like his penis stretched the back of my vagina. It sent me into orbit and I had an orgasm of such intensity I could feel wetness leaking from me as I screamed loudly again without any seeming control over my own body. I felt Alan quivering and he started moaning and then he announced he was cumming and I had some type of unexpected urge to hold him deep inside like we were joined as one. That was the best sex I had ever had obviously and Alan and I would hook up every few months. But, we were not building any type of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship so eventually I moved on.
The next boyfriend I had when it came to sex was again more of an average sized man and I found the sex wanting so that relationship didn’t last long.
I moved to another State with the company I was working with and eventually met another man. Again, let me remind I only would date men taller than myself. At first, it was a great relationship. He also had a big penis, maybe another 8 plus inches and I think more girth than Alan. Yes he was white. Again, I found the sex amazing and it was clear to me that at least for me penis size mattered. I needed someone with superior length to reach the spots the smaller lengths of a 6” penis simply couldn’t hit. The pleasures I experienced with the bigger penis were definitely much different and I think like wanting someone taller than myself, I wanted a man who could dominate me sexually with having a big penis too. Garrett and I lived together eventually but I knew he had a drinking problem. I like to have a few drinks myself but over a few years his drinking got worse. We stayed together as I did love him but as time moved forward he eventually had difficulty functioning sexually and would be verbally abusive to me blaming me for it. Perhaps 6 years into the relationship it sadly ended.
I almost immediately jumped into another relationship with a guy I knew was well-endowed. How did I know this? He was a friend of Garrett’s (not a close friend) but I saw him naked once accidentally. Of course I had no idea how big he might be erect but I saw him in a shower and his soft penis hung down and was immense. I am certain he was bigger soft like that than my first husband hard. Well why would I have seen him in a shower? Dan worked as a boat captain. And we had gone out with him one time and when docked he showered inside the boat. What was unexpected was I could see the reflection of him in a mirror and so I saw his big penis.
Dan and I started dating and as much as I liked and I desired him, I made him wait over several dates because I think we had a certain chemistry that suggested we might be a real item and one day might be husband and wife. Of course we eventually did have sex. Unlike Alan, where he had a relatively average small soft penis, Dan was really well-hung even when totally soft. I soon learned that had some advantages because his penis when fully erect we measured at 9” and 6” around. He was very proud of it. But, sometimes he would enter me perhaps partially erect yet obviously still bigger than most men, but the sensation of him holding himself deep and erecting longer was the greatest sexual sensation I have ever experienced. Sometimes when having sex, I think a woman, well in my case, your vagina expands as you are having intercourse and with Dan that would happen and then he would get larger and still fill me up even more. Talk about vaginal orgasms, he was the best at getting me there.
Dan was like my soul mate for several years. What I didn’t know was he was involved in a illegal scheme importing banned protected fish to these Japanese markets. Out of the blue one day I get a call from a Federal holding prison and long story short, there was fraud, embezzlement and other charges that Dan faced. He ended up in a plea bargain and 7 year Federal term. I cried and cried but also ended the relationship for other reasons including that trust for me was broken.
There was an industry friend I have had for a long time. He is older than me and the same height. But, over the years I often would confide in him about myself, problems in the relationship, but of course never intimate details. Ironically, my job ended and even at my age I temporarily moved home with my mother while I sorted out my next steps in a career and life. My friend Cary lived nearby and although we would talk on the phone more than see one another, our friendship and trust had developed where we can talk about many life subjects including relationships and marriage. I began to recognize that I did have some feelings for Cary and had never had anyone that I could be so open with. But, psychologically him being the same height wasn’t a plus. I decided to get over that issue and we began platonically dating.
As I said, Cary is an older man (early 60’s) and at some point we did have some sexual conversations. He shared how with age he didn’t feel the same and candidly did tell me at one point that he sometimes had erection challenges where he would get erect but not stay fully erect. I advised there were solutions for that like Viagra and he said he would probably do that. On another occasion he told he that he was somewhat of a quick release as well. I know when sharing it some may think it’s odd that we were having intimate conversations like this without being sexually involved but it reflects the trust we had to share everything.
I did think we were growing closer. Until one day recently, he asked me the following and said please be totally honest, “On a 1 to 10 scale, how important is penis size for you? I honestly replied an 8 at least and maybe a 9 or 10. There was silence on his end and then he shared that he was worried he is slightly smaller than average with age, or actually almost sounding like the exact size of my first husband. I changed the subject but felt bad because I knew this was no longer a match. I know in my heart of hearts that a long penis at least a true 8” is a necessity for me sexually. It makes such a difference and I apologize to men here telling them this because I know you have what you have. Some may see me at petty or selfish. I am just being honest, but I don’t know how to tell Cary that we won’t be a match in this way. It will obviously hurt his feelings and self-confidence. Thoughts?
