70 things not to say to a man with a small penis . . .

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Principessa, Aug 8, 2007.

  1. Principessa

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    70 things not to say to a man with a small penis . . .

    1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
    2. Aww, it's cute.
    3. I'm sorry.
    4. Never mind, why bother.
    5. Who circumcised you?
    6. Why don't we just cuddle?
    7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
    8. It's more fun to look at.
    9. Make it dance.
    10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
    11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
    12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
    13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
    14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
    15. It's OK, we'll work around it.
    16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
    17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
    18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
    19. Oh no, a flash headache.
    20. (giggle and point)
    21. Can I be honest with you?
    22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
    23. Let me go get my tweezers.
    24. How sweet, you brought incense.
    25. This explains your car.
    26. You must be a growing boy.
    27. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
    28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
    29. Are you one of those pygmies?
    30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
    31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
    32. All right, a treasure hunt!
    33. I didn't know they came that small.
    34. Why is God punishing you?
    35. At least this won't take long.
    36. Let's just stick with your hand.
    37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
    38. How interesting.
    39. I never saw one like that before.
    40. What do you call this?
    41. But it still works right?
    42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
    43. It looks so unused.
    44. Do you take steroids?
    45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
    46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
    47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
    48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
    49. Let me know when you're done.
    50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
    51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
    52. Aww, it's hiding.
    53. Are you cold?
    54. If you get me real drunk first.
    55. Is that an optical illusion?
    56. What is that?
    57. Does this run in your family?
    58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
    59. Were you neutered?
    60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
    61. Does it come with an air pump?
    62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
    63. Where are the puppet strings?
    64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
    65. Deep throat???
    66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
    67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
    68. Do I hang my hat on it?
    69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
    70. Don't hold back.
     
  2. B_Veronica_Divine

    B_Veronica_Divine New Member

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    As Dave Atell said, ideally you want another language:

    "Ai Popi"

    "SANTA MARIA!"

    or my favorite

    "WARDEN! WARDEN! I'LL TALK! WARDEN!"
     
  3. June_Berry

    June_Berry New Member

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    *giggle* Some of those are very funny. I like "This explains your car,""All right, a treasure hunt!," and "Why is God punishing you?" the best.
     
  4. viking1

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    Hmmm, no guys laughing at this? Interesting...
     
  5. Principessa

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    Darlin, just for you, in an effort to be fair I googled ‘small breast jokes.’ While I know for fact that there are many, no one site came up with a comprehensive list as I originally posted here about the small penis.

    Most were links to sites that dealt with adolescent girls worried about their size or to sites about breast cancer and mastectomies. IMHO the upshot of the net googling was that small breasts aren't as amusing as small penises. I suspect that is because although hundreds of thousands of women worldwide are dissatisfied with our small breasts it doesn't have the devastating effect on our psyche that a small penis has on a man.

    So just for you Viking1 I shall reach back into my memory, into the utter hell that was 6th, 7th, & 8th grade to share with you some genuine small breast jokes.

    • Hey! You're a pirates dream, because you have a sunken chest.
      [*]I think your bra is on backwards; your shoulder blades are bigger.
      [*]Flatsy Patsy, this was actually an improvement over what most boys called me back then which was the “N-word.”
      [*]Pancake Patsy
      [*]Mosquito Bites
      [*]Ant Hills
      [*]Tiny Tits
      [*]Baby Boobies
      [*]President of the IBTC – Itty Bitty Titty Committee

    Damn! I really need to keep a therapist on speed dial!:tongue:
    There are more; but after this much regression I need to find the vodka.
     
  6. whatireallywant

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    HA! The "Pirate's Dream" one is actually kind of witty! :eek:

    I actually have been devastated by having small breasts. But a lot of that is because of the kind of community I grew up in.

    Never got these kinds of comments though. The kids in school were too busy making fun of me for everything else!

    Once at work a guy came up to me and said "You're flat chested", though - and this was when I was 30! Like, gee thanks! :mad:
     
  7. Principessa

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  8. June_Berry

    June_Berry New Member

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  9. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Yeah... ok thats pretty lame.. I can't say I laughed at a single one... :/
     
  10. June_Berry

    June_Berry New Member

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    you just have no sense of hummer... though they are pritty lame. ;P
     
  11. Love-it

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    71. Yell in his ear "Deeper!"

    The other day I asked a young woman, who I can joke with, if she believed in false advertising, she protested that she believed in truth in advertising. Then I pointed out that one of her foam falsies (maybe 1/2" thick and I assume disc shaped) was sticking out above her low cut blouse.
     
  12. whatireallywant

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    LOL

    A story that made me feel a little better (temporarily) - it was around the same time as the "You're flat chested" comment (when I was 30, and actually wore a B cup so I wasn't really FLAT...just smaller than what the guys in my community were used to since all the girls were D cups or more, whether real or fake - mostly fake...) I was working at a fast food place at the time (yeah, 30 year old with 2 college degrees working at a fast food place - rather sad...), and there would be these teenage girls come in with what looked like huge boobs for the rest of their bodies. My mom came in one night to order some food from me and visit a bit (and yeah, she's small like me), and saw one of the girls in question, and later on she told me "That girl had the biggest pair of falsies I've ever seen!" :biggrin1:

    I probably do indulge in a bit of "false advertising" now, as I wear padded push-up bras nearly all the time, but I like how they make me look, although they still don't make me look as big as I'd like. I don't want to wear the heavy padding though because I think it just looks too obviously fake, plus I don't want to see the disappointment on a guy's face when he sees I don't have what it looked like I have. Big fear of mine that made me not wear padded bras at all until I was in my thirties.
     
  13. Principessa

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  14. Love-it

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    I love small breasts. There are many men with an appreciation for small breasts but in a group of men they feel like they have to agree with generally accepted male views.

    Small breasts are very sexy, with soft, sensual curves. You go girl.
     
  15. fortiesfun

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    I think "This explains your car" is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time...
     
  16. brunozerli

    brunozerli New Member

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    "I'm sorry dear, I can't have sex with you. I miss my ex so much..."
     
  17. huw ginnit

    huw ginnit New Member

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    72. "Oh there's my lipstick...."
     
  18. Divine1

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    Very clever!
    Hard to elaborate on the great 1st post.
     
  19. 36DD

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    I love the car explanation! Here's another one...oh wait a minute, let me get my glasses!

    I too used to hear "flatsy patsy" believe it or not. Just goes to show how stupid adolescent boys can be!
     
  20. damien6663

    damien6663 Member

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    If you run at a wall with a hard on, you will break ur nose
     
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