A bit worried about friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bigpenis, May 26, 2011.

  1. bigpenis

    bigpenis Member

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    Hi there everyone,

    I would just like to say before I begin that I am not a pedophile, and I have a genuine concern about a good friend of mine.

    He's nearly 17, quite tall and black. We get on very well and stuff - he's straight and it's purely a good friendship; in fact we go as far to say that we're brothers, even if not by blood because we have got lots in common and have known each other a while.

    I'm just a little concerned and in need of some honest advice because lately he's been telling me some very sexual stuff and yes, I know that people who feel they can trust (especially 2 young men) talk about this sort of thing. About a month ago he was kinda dying to tell me that he had 'got laid' and was really quite proud of himself for it. He has also quite frequently said how he's got a massive cock and this and that, we were playing battlefield 2 and he said 'the american army are like my cock, massive and powerful'.

    I don't feel so comfortable about this at all and am not sure what to do... he is NOT a creep or anything, in fact he's one of the most genuine people I know. He doesn't always talk about it, and often we talk about PC games or our interests, music etc matey stuff. When he does mention the above, he instigates it. I feel a bit worried and have been too afraid to tell anyone in case people think I'm a pedophile, (and I cannot think of a more sick crime than that). I'm 22 and I only look at people 20+.

    What should I do? I tell him 'you don't really need to brag about that now, I'm not your girlfriend mate!' Is it purely because he's worried about something and feels he can trust me enough to talk about that kind of thing? I don't know.

    Anyone got any advice, or can relate to what I'm getting at? Would be most grateful, cheers.
    :frown1:
     
  2. Red_Rebel

    Red_Rebel Active Member

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    Why do u have to keep reminding us youre no PEDO? Just simplify the question lol
     
    #2 Red_Rebel, May 26, 2011
    Last edited: May 26, 2011
  3. bigpenis

    bigpenis Member

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    Because it took a lot of guts to bring this up. Just in need of some advice that's all.
     
  4. tgirlsrgreat

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    i know i am going to get yelled at, but why did we need to know he was black???:wank: imho

    and if not, blow him, he is obviously wanting you to and you are openly gay, right? go for it!
     
  5. bigpenis

    bigpenis Member

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    Er, no he's 16. That's just wrong. :confused:

    He's got the mindset of a 20 year old which is why we get on so well... as friends, nothing more.

    Please don't turn this into a sick thread...
     
  6. davidjh7

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    Despite what people may think, and yes, during the teen years there can be a huge difference in maturity levels with only a couple years different, you are still within the same generation so have common ground. My question is, does he know oyu are gay? If so, he may be trying to tease you. If he is bragging about his size and his sexual conquests, that is often part of guys being guys. If he brings it up and it makes you uncomfortable, congratulate him on his gifts, tell him to use them well, but because of your age difference and legal issues, it makes you uncomfortable to talk about such things because other people may cause trouble. If he is your friend, even at 16, he will understand if you bring up the legal problems it can cause you.
     
  7. bigpenis

    bigpenis Member

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    You're right. Yes he knows I'm gay and is totally cool about it. If it happens again I may just say what you suggested. I just hope it won't make him feel that he can't talk to me about anything, because in the past I've said that he can come to me with any problems and I'll listen to him. He's lost a friend lately so is coming to terms with that right now. I'll just do my best to handle it sensitively and see how it goes. Cheers David :smile:
     
  8. blakobra8

    blakobra8 Member

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    pretty much agree with david. if you are good friends, he will probably understand and it won't make things any more uncomfortable than they are now.

    That's definitely a tough position to be in.
     
  9. davidjh7

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    Don't be afraid to talk with him---he has chosen you as someone he trusts as a mentor. If he has questions, answer them. If you don;t feel comfortable, then find a good resource for him that can answer his question. You have established a bind of trust with him, and you don;t want him to feel that your friendship and that trust is conditional. Just let him know that some topics are on dangerous ground for both of you, but that you will do all you can to help him find the answers he needs. As long as he knows you are in his corner and will help him, it will work out. He may just be bragging because he wants the feedback that you are proud of him. I don;t know his background, but you may be filling the role of an older brother or father figure to him, and he wants that positive feedback from you, to know you are proud of him. Just a theory, and may be off based on his background. It can be a tough call sometimes, but you sound like you really care for him and want to do right by him, so just use your best judgement and use your good heart, and it will be ok. :)
     
    #9 davidjh7, May 26, 2011
    Last edited: May 26, 2011
  10. blakobra8

    blakobra8 Member

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    david seems to know what he's talking about
     
  11. davidjh7

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    Thank you. :smile: I don't claim to have answers, only opinions, and a lot of questions.
     
  12. Charles Finn

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    just enjoy your time together and let him know what the limits are I think you are over thinking it just a bit
     
  13. Guill

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    Doesn't seem like this has been going on too long.. It might be a phase that he's in. In conversation you can make it obvious that you're not comfortable with what he's saying w/o saying anything out right and embarassing him. If I were in that position I'd wait it out a little and give him a chance to pick up on the cues you're give out. If it progresses then move to outright conversation.
     
  14. rawrg

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    If finding a 16 year old attractive makes someone a pedophile, then probably 99% of the world population above the age of 18 consists of pedophiles. 18 is an arbitrary age in which many societies give the responsibility of adulthood. In many countries the age of consent is lower than 18, and some as low as 14. Either way, a pedophile is someone who is attracted to pre-pubescent children, not post-pubescent teenagers.

    Anyways, now that we've established you're not luring children into your van with the promise of candy... It sounds like he could be testing the waters with those comments (sounds very similar to what I did with friends during my early teens to lead to fooling around.) It's best to just distance yourself from him a bit to keep the situation from getting to a point where it would become sexual.
     
    #14 rawrg, May 27, 2011
    Last edited: May 27, 2011
  15. lvsxy808

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    Sounds to me like you're freaking out over nothing.

    He's black - irrelevant.

    He's 16, and that makes him a teenager. Even if you were to find him sexually attractive - which you don't say that you do - then that still wouldn't make you a pedophile, because that's not what pedophile means. Pedophile means sexually attracted to pre-pubescents, which this guy is clearly not. So stop freaking out. That you are so freaked out about it speaks a lot to just how fucked up our culture is - the media works overtime to sexualise the young and then tells us we're freaks and monsters for recognising that fact.

    He's a teenager. Teenagers get hardons. Teenagers talk abut their dicks. He's not even flirting with you, or looking for advice, or any of that. He's just found something that he thinks he's good at - the size of his dick - and he's making the most of it. He's boasting, that's all. That's what teenagers do.

    The fact that you're so freaked out and paranoid about anything to do with it says a lot more about you than it does him.

    CALM DOWN.

    .
     
  16. lucidbass

    lucidbass New Member

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    First of al. Most original screenname on LPSG!

    Secondly, as others have said, calm down. Also, even if you WERE attracted to the kid, there's nothing wrong with that. It's merely attraction. Attraction itself isn't the problem, acting on it is.

    And last of all. It's as simple as, if you're uncomfortable about him talking about his penis, just tell him to stop. It's crossing a personal line and he's gotta respect that.
     
  17. Dr. Algonquin

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    If he considers you a good enough friend to talk that way around you then he'll respect you enough to stop if you tell him you aren't comfortable with it.
     
  18. Adrian69702006

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    My instinct, bigpenis, would be to try and distance yourself from the young man and his situation for a while. He may act and think older but the bottom line is that he's 16. If he were two years older it would be a different matter altogether. Eighteen might sound like an arbitrary age for legal adulthood but it's the one which the law sets in most of the western world. Unless you're a parent or a teacher - and in this case we're talking about a friendship - it's inappropriate to allow him to discuss adult topics with you given your respective ages.
     
    #18 Adrian69702006, May 27, 2011
    Last edited: May 27, 2011
  19. helgaleena

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    ^ ^ ^ This.

    I have done a similar thing in my teens with a grown woman friend. One look at her discomfort and I knew it was the wrong thing to say to that friend and I didn't do it again. He's young, and doesn't know you don't want to talk sex until you tell him straight out. It could be that he has a circle of similar age friends who boast of sex all the time, but they are not you.
     
  20. SomeGuyOverThere

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    This is important to keep in mind. For example, 16 is the age of consent here.

    A paedophile specifically refers to somebody who has an unhealthy sexual interest in children. Children are children because they aren't sexually developed.

    Teenagers are sexually developed and are not children. Finding a 16 year old or even a 15 year old attractive is not "sick" or "unhealthy" or "paedophilia", given that they are sexually developed. Of course, having sex with them may or may not be illegal depending on where you live.
     
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