A Confusion,Gay,Bi,or Asexual or ED?

[Jay_89]

Hi guys, Im Jay, 33.

Im just writing here to actually ask if anyone have the same problem with me and maybe they could share their experiences of facing the same or almost same problems.

Im right at 33 yrs old,single,no sexual partners and I never had a special one called BF before. And the last time I had actual sex (penetrative one) was like 7 yrs ago. And I kinda stopped from there. I dont know why. I started to realize Im SEXUALLY into men during my study period when I was 19 to 23.

But things getting cold down there since then,I dont know why but I just realized that Im hardly atracted to anyone since a few yrs back. I did asked my friends about this problem and he said since I have moved from different city means I gotta lower my expectations. I did try to date a few guys around but when it comes to getting intimate,I just stopped there,the passion is no longer with me. I dont know why but this keeps happened until a point of where I said to myself am I too picky? I dont think so since Im just an average guy with nothing interesting so Im not in the place to be one.

I did try to have sex,a few times, but end up with just kissing and cuddles coz I cant get hard. Sometimes a guy turn me on but as we get to the bed that thing down there wont get up or if its get hard its gonna take a long time lol. But in the morning I always get a hard on and my Mr P had no problem getting erected when I saw photos or videos of attractive people on Twitters or Here.

And there's a point where I hired numbers of masseurs and moneyboys that I attracted. And its just the same. Im attracted looking at them,but as things getting sexual,I will turned off. Yes Im kinda nervous everytime I get kissed or lick. But I hate the smell of dried saliva aftermath. That thing turned me off. But I love getting oral or giving one.

What should I do? Can a person be asexual after some period of their life? Or is it just psychological stress sex related or else?

I appreciate any kind of feedbacks from my fellow LPSG members here. And TQ

 

[deleted3995701]

Make an appointment to see a doctor, explain to him like you have here and ask him if there's anything physically wrong. If the results say there's nothing wrong, then it's probably psychological. There's therapy for that and depending on how intent on or immediate you want to have sex, there's also the medication route.

I can't tell you about you. I don't know you, I don't know your history and I don't know how you live.

I can tell you about me. Maybe there's something that you could use in your life.

Ignoring my history, the result was me losing my hard on almost instantly with a guy. Sometimes I could stay boned for awhile, no issues jerking to porn or waking up with a boner, just lost it with most men. I used to joke that I'm in eternal hell. All the drive and none of the function.

I tried therapy(didn't utilize therapy, just went), was put on half a dozen different head meds and finally went to pills. Only my life was being a cumdump and pills were expensive so I learned to act fine with it and have a reason like I just came before you called, it's a rough day, I'm just doing it for you. Whatever reason I could get away with at the time.

My issues were all psychological and I'm still working on me.

As long as I kept doing what I was doing, living my regular normal life, there was no way anything could change.

Spend lots of time doing life stuff, add in accidents and insert almost 5 years of therapy that I've been trying to work with and several heavy bits of life and I figured out that I wanted something different and I'm working towards that.

I need to feel connected to who I sleep with now. I'm also choosing to live a healthier life with proper medications and eating healthier. Without having a connection to someone, I don't think I'd be able to relax and enjoy sex. Which btw is not about getting your nut. There's a fuck of a lot of good feelings to be had on the way to a nut.

I'm going on a rough estimate of about 10-15 years of no actual sex, maybe as long as 20 years?. Now that I'm working towards a healthier me, I'm having to confront the same thoughts I had when I initially had the problem.
.
Could I get a boner at an appropriate time? Will it maintain itself? Am I attracted to the person I'm with or am I just horny? Will something distract me and I'll lose wood? Do I need to take a pill before hand? Have I been jerking off too much?

I have no idea what the answers are yet I'm just hoping that my healthier choices are setting me on the right path to find out.

Also, I feel disconnected right now and I'll probably forget I wrote this.

 

[Jay_89]

Make an appointment to see a doctor, explain to him like you have here and ask him if there's anything physically wrong. If the results say there's nothing wrong, then it's probably psychological. There's therapy for that and depending on how intent on or immediate you want to have sex, there's also the medication route.

I can't tell you about you. I don't know you, I don't know your history and I don't know how you live.

I can tell you about me. Maybe there's something that you could use in your life.

Ignoring my history, the result was me losing my hard on almost instantly with a guy. Sometimes I could stay boned for awhile, no issues jerking to porn or waking up with a boner, just lost it with most men. I used to joke that I'm in eternal hell. All the drive and none of the function.

I tried therapy(didn't utilize therapy, just went), was put on half a dozen different head meds and finally went to pills. Only my life was being a cumdump and pills were expensive so I learned to act fine with it and have a reason like I just came before you called, it's a rough day, I'm just doing it for you. Whatever reason I could get away with at the time.

My issues were all psychological and I'm still working on me.

As long as I kept doing what I was doing, living my regular normal life, there was no way anything could change.

Spend lots of time doing life stuff, add in accidents and insert almost 5 years of therapy that I've been trying to work with and several heavy bits of life and I figured out that I wanted something different and I'm working towards that.

I need to feel connected to who I sleep with now. I'm also choosing to live a healthier life with proper medications and eating healthier. Without having a connection to someone, I don't think I'd be able to relax and enjoy sex. Which btw is not about getting your nut. There's a fuck of a lot of good feelings to be had on the way to a nut.

I'm going on a rough estimate of about 10-15 years of no actual sex, maybe as long as 20 years?. Now that I'm working towards a healthier me, I'm having to confront the same thoughts I had when I initially had the problem.
.
Could I get a boner at an appropriate time? Will it maintain itself? Am I attracted to the person I'm with or am I just horny? Will something distract me and I'll lose wood? Do I need to take a pill before hand? Have I been jerking off too much?

I have no idea what the answers are yet I'm just hoping that my healthier choices are setting me on the right path to find out.

Also, I feel disconnected right now and I'll probably forget I wrote this.

Tq for the replies and sharing something.

 

[deleted16524361]

Hi guys, Im Jay, 33.

Im just writing here to actually ask if anyone have the same problem with me and maybe they could share their experiences of facing the same or almost same problems.

Im right at 33 yrs old,single,no sexual partners and I never had a special one called BF before. And the last time I had actual sex (penetrative one) was like 7 yrs ago. And I kinda stopped from there. I dont know why. I started to realize Im SEXUALLY into men during my study period when I was 19 to 23.

But things getting cold down there since then,I dont know why but I just realized that Im hardly atracted to anyone since a few yrs back. I did asked my friends about this problem and he said since I have moved from different city means I gotta lower my expectations. I did try to date a few guys around but when it comes to getting intimate,I just stopped there,the passion is no longer with me. I dont know why but this keeps happened until a point of where I said to myself am I too picky? I dont think so since Im just an average guy with nothing interesting so Im not in the place to be one.

I did try to have sex,a few times, but end up with just kissing and cuddles coz I cant get hard. Sometimes a guy turn me on but as we get to the bed that thing down there wont get up or if its get hard its gonna take a long time lol. But in the morning I always get a hard on and my Mr P had no problem getting erected when I saw photos or videos of attractive people on Twitters or Here.

And there's a point where I hired numbers of masseurs and moneyboys that I attracted. And its just the same. Im attracted looking at them,but as things getting sexual,I will turned off. Yes Im kinda nervous everytime I get kissed or lick. But I hate the smell of dried saliva aftermath. That thing turned me off. But I love getting oral or giving one.

What should I do? Can a person be asexual after some period of their life? Or is it just psychological stress sex related or else?

I appreciate any kind of feedbacks from my fellow LPSG members here. And TQ

You need to find the kink or fetish that gets you excited. If you grew up in a domestic violence atmosphere then light bdsm may be the key for you since the brain reacts best to what it thinks normal is. Start weight lifting even if just doing light weights. That will increase your sex drive.

 

[PatrickQiao]

maybe the idea of getting hard to have sex with someone gives you too much pressure.

just a maybe, i dont know anything. just from my experience.

 

[Caleb Trask]

I think starting with a Sex Therapist would be first step, but ruling out any physical issues with a doctor is also a good place to start and be sure to have your testosterone levels checked.

 

[Kain2121]

Omg same story. Didnt sex in 7 years and not really into it huhu what should we do

 

[Queenie Queers]

Hi guys, Im Jay, 33.

Im just writing here to actually ask if anyone have the same problem with me and maybe they could share their experiences of facing the same or almost same problems.

Im right at 33 yrs old,single,no sexual partners and I never had a special one called BF before. And the last time I had actual sex (penetrative one) was like 7 yrs ago. And I kinda stopped from there. I dont know why. I started to realize Im SEXUALLY into men during my study period when I was 19 to 23.

But things getting cold down there since then,I dont know why but I just realized that Im hardly atracted to anyone since a few yrs back. I did asked my friends about this problem and he said since I have moved from different city means I gotta lower my expectations. I did try to date a few guys around but when it comes to getting intimate,I just stopped there,the passion is no longer with me. I dont know why but this keeps happened until a point of where I said to myself am I too picky? I dont think so since Im just an average guy with nothing interesting so Im not in the place to be one.

I did try to have sex,a few times, but end up with just kissing and cuddles coz I cant get hard. Sometimes a guy turn me on but as we get to the bed that thing down there wont get up or if its get hard its gonna take a long time lol. But in the morning I always get a hard on and my Mr P had no problem getting erected when I saw photos or videos of attractive people on Twitters or Here.

And there's a point where I hired numbers of masseurs and moneyboys that I attracted. And its just the same. Im attracted looking at them,but as things getting sexual,I will turned off. Yes Im kinda nervous everytime I get kissed or lick. But I hate the smell of dried saliva aftermath. That thing turned me off. But I love getting oral or giving one.

What should I do? Can a person be asexual after some period of their life? Or is it just psychological stress sex related or else?

I appreciate any kind of feedbacks from my fellow LPSG members here. And TQ

You could be dealing with emotional problems PTSD that you do not realise. Maybe insecurities, many things can triggers this, childhood, religious upbringing, Fear, . but one thing for sure you will have a second wind possibly when yr in 40s. When your brain finally decides to put everything in the fuck it bucket.

 

[Clrwtrdlbud71-fl]

Hi guys, Im Jay, 33.

Im just writing here to actually ask if anyone have the same problem with me and maybe they could share their experiences of facing the same or almost same problems.

Im right at 33 yrs old,single,no sexual partners and I never had a special one called BF before. And the last time I had actual sex (penetrative one) was like 7 yrs ago. And I kinda stopped from there. I dont know why. I started to realize Im SEXUALLY into men during my study period when I was 19 to 23.

But things getting cold down there since then,I dont know why but I just realized that Im hardly atracted to anyone since a few yrs back. I did asked my friends about this problem and he said since I have moved from different city means I gotta lower my expectations. I did try to date a few guys around but when it comes to getting intimate,I just stopped there,the passion is no longer with me. I dont know why but this keeps happened until a point of where I said to myself am I too picky? I dont think so since Im just an average guy with nothing interesting so Im not in the place to be one.

I did try to have sex,a few times, but end up with just kissing and cuddles coz I cant get hard. Sometimes a guy turn me on but as we get to the bed that thing down there wont get up or if its get hard its gonna take a long time lol. But in the morning I always get a hard on and my Mr P had no problem getting erected when I saw photos or videos of attractive people on Twitters or Here.

And there's a point where I hired numbers of masseurs and moneyboys that I attracted. And its just the same. Im attracted looking at them,but as things getting sexual,I will turned off. Yes Im kinda nervous everytime I get kissed or lick. But I hate the smell of dried saliva aftermath. That thing turned me off. But I love getting oral or giving one.

What should I do? Can a person be asexual after some period of their life? Or is it just psychological stress sex related or else?

I appreciate any kind of feedbacks from my fellow LPSG members here. And TQ

Might be worth checking your testosterone levels, maybe trying TRT

 

[Jay_89]

Might be worth checking your testosterone levels, maybe trying TRT

I will. Thanks for suggestion.

 

[Jay_89]

You could be dealing with emotional problems PTSD that you do not realise. Maybe insecurities, many things can triggers this, childhood, religious upbringing, Fear, . but one thing for sure you will have a second wind possibly when yr in 40s. When your brain finally decides to put everything in the fuck it bucket.

I love the ideation of fuck it bucket lol. Anyway Tq for the input. This really helps.

 

[nhguy78]

Hi guys, Im Jay, 33.
What should I do? Can a person be asexual after some period of their life? Or is it just psychological stress sex related or else?

Hi Jay, you situation quite similar to mine. I am married to a man for 14 years. He's the most warm and giving person you'd ever meet and he's hung. You wouldn't think that i could be dealing with anything similar.

First off, your mental health matters. Seriously. If this is killing you emotionally, please talk to a therapist.

I am asexual, or at least somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is defined by the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. In my case, i just wanted experiences and a stable relationship that could be romantic but also a partnership but at the end of the day at least a friend that understand me. I have a huge aesthetic attraction to men and some women and trans people. There is also something to the sensual attaction to being held and touched platonically and also romantically. As far as sexual things, i get horny. I get erections. I do things with my erections but I'm not always needing someone else interacting with my erections. Why am I married to a man if i don't want sex with him? I sometimes do. It's not about my attraction or lack thereof. It's about the sensual aspect to the sex. Feeling touch, feeling penetration, being accepted. I used to be so sexually active in my early 20s. I sought out the people that wanted me. I thought that's what gays did. I wanted new experiences and not really any one person in particular. It's like a very vague desire to fuck that had no target excpept i thought it was men. That's just me.

Other aseuxals absolutely despise sex. Some dislike sex jokes and sex talk and shows or movies with sexual innuendos.

So, how does this relate to you?

 

[nhguy78]

Also, my testosterone when i started to wonder if i was asexual was 550.

 

[chuck80]

Hi guys, Im Jay, 33.

Im just writing here to actually ask if anyone have the same problem with me and maybe they could share their experiences of facing the same or almost same problems.

Im right at 33 yrs old,single,no sexual partners and I never had a special one called BF before. And the last time I had actual sex (penetrative one) was like 7 yrs ago. And I kinda stopped from there. I dont know why. I started to realize Im SEXUALLY into men during my study period when I was 19 to 23.

But things getting cold down there since then,I dont know why but I just realized that Im hardly atracted to anyone since a few yrs back. I did asked my friends about this problem and he said since I have moved from different city means I gotta lower my expectations. I did try to date a few guys around but when it comes to getting intimate,I just stopped there,the passion is no longer with me. I dont know why but this keeps happened until a point of where I said to myself am I too picky? I dont think so since Im just an average guy with nothing interesting so Im not in the place to be one.

I did try to have sex,a few times, but end up with just kissing and cuddles coz I cant get hard. Sometimes a guy turn me on but as we get to the bed that thing down there wont get up or if its get hard its gonna take a long time lol. But in the morning I always get a hard on and my Mr P had no problem getting erected when I saw photos or videos of attractive people on Twitters or Here.

And there's a point where I hired numbers of masseurs and moneyboys that I attracted. And its just the same. Im attracted looking at them,but as things getting sexual,I will turned off. Yes Im kinda nervous everytime I get kissed or lick. But I hate the smell of dried saliva aftermath. That thing turned me off. But I love getting oral or giving one.

What should I do? Can a person be asexual after some period of their life? Or is it just psychological stress sex related or else?

I appreciate any kind of feedbacks from my fellow LPSG members here. And TQ

I understand your plight....see i always went with secret rendezvous in my younger days. I was always bi i fkn love cock, tips, ass, pussy, it's all good! Literally fuck it! Why not!? But I live in a small town you understand and I couldn't tell anyone even though I played with a few "straight guys" so I went calling my sexuality closet bi. I til last year when I dropped the closet! I mean really who fkn cares where I choose to stick my dick!!?? So long as they are consenting adults i say get off like you want to otherwise its kinda wasting time don't you think! Ya know for being intelligent life we sure are stupid.

 

[chuck80]

I understand your plight....see i always went with secret rendezvous in my younger days. I was always bi i fkn love cock, tips, ass, pussy, it's all good! Literally fuck it! Why not!? But I live in a small town you understand and I couldn't tell anyone even though I played with a few "straight guys" so I went calling my sexuality closet bi. I til last year when I dropped the closet! I mean really who fkn cares where I choose to stick my dick!!?? So long as they are consenting adults i say get off like you want to otherwise its kinda wasting time don't you think! Ya know for being intelligent life we sure are stupid.

Tits, not tips. Lol although I like tips too

 

[lonelythrowaway]

I can relate to some of what you mention. I have similar issue and some people have given me some good advice here. I like men, but when I'm with them, I don't really enjoy them to doing sexual things to me. Receiving BJ or rimming doesn't give me pleasure. Bottoming can be fun from the knowledge its really getting the guy off, seeing how lost he is in pleasure etc. I went for 12 yrs with no sexual activity. I had a sex drive and jerked off of course. But I didn't miss sex with someone else or crave it. I missed kissing and physical intimacy.

Like you, I do wonder if I am too picky. I'm not attracted to a large percentage of guys. Even in porn or the escort sites. Some little thing might put me off, and then I wonder if I am being too picky/snobby, or is it more unconscious psychological thing happening. For eg, by rejecting the really hot guy first will spare me from him rejecting me. Or someone could have other ones like, rejecting less masculine guys because of their own issues with sexuality.

And in the middle of being with a guy, might be kissing him, like you describe, I could get distracted by a small detail and my mind cant let it go. How can one be turned in when focused on that and not the guy? So of course we lose our erection. I think thats my brain deliberately distracting myself because I don't feel comfortable/etc. I found it easier to avoid that mental state by being drunk or having no expectations on myself for the hookup.

Like you, I did try the escorts/etc. Didn't work for me either. One was very hot, fantasy guy type. I think i might have try developing a connection with guy (tried that in past with no success, but will try now with pill)

 

[Jay_89]

I can relate to some of what you mention. I have similar issue and some people have given me some good advice here. I like men, but when I'm with them, I don't really enjoy them to doing sexual things to me. Receiving BJ or rimming doesn't give me pleasure. Bottoming can be fun from the knowledge its really getting the guy off, seeing how lost he is in pleasure etc. I went for 12 yrs with no sexual activity. I had a sex drive and jerked off of course. But I didn't miss sex with someone else or crave it. I missed kissing and physical intimacy.

Like you, I do wonder if I am too picky. I'm not attracted to a large percentage of guys. Even in porn or the escort sites. Some little thing might put me off, and then I wonder if I am being too picky/snobby, or is it more unconscious psychological thing happening. For eg, by rejecting the really hot guy first will spare me from him rejecting me. Or someone could have other ones like, rejecting less masculine guys because of their own issues with sexuality.

And in the middle of being with a guy, might be kissing him, like you describe, I could get distracted by a small detail and my mind cant let it go. How can one be turned in when focused on that and not the guy? So of course we lose our erection. I think thats my brain deliberately distracting myself because I don't feel comfortable/etc. I found it easier to avoid that mental state by being drunk or having no expectations on myself for the hookup.

Like you, I did try the escorts/etc. Didn't work for me either. One was very hot, fantasy guy type. I think i might have try developing a connection with guy (tried that in past with no success, but will try now with pill)

Omg u did all the things I did.