a dilemma with my ex

the_reverend

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Cold turkey is the only answer.

It will hurt at first, for both of you. But there's no other way.

The friendship is precious, that's true. But so is her marriage, and so is your peace of mind.

You can't keep the fuse burning on a firecracker forever. Douse it, or it will explode.

i reckon you're right...but man, i was hoping there'd be an easier way or at least some trick to keep me and/or us from backsliding. my strength of will definitely varies depending on my mood. lol! thanks.
 

Cowabanga

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This sound like a replica of my situation, and I went for it, after I saw her and watch her break down and cry that she was lonesome with a hubby that doesn't seem to know she exist. I love her as friend first and she was my old flame, and let the feelings of that allow me to make the wrong move.

What I found was that she had no desire to quit the unloving relationship because of security and time invested in the platonic marriage. I also found that she wasn't the one for me, and that we had a better friendship relationship before we had an affair. I broke it off because I couldn't allow herself to live a lie, but encourage her to live the truth in being herself. I think she found someone else to have an affair with, and that maybe was the truth I wasn't willing to be a part of.

Now, I have a new girl far outstrip any notion of romance and trust that I thought could be possible. But I lost a friend that I could have shared my joy in witnessing my new union with my new love. If I could reset the button, it would be to not have that affair and stayed as friend.
 

the_reverend

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so for women it's ok and for men they are cheating bastards right?

given her first post in the thread was how i should be prepared for it to blow up in my face, i think she's more stating an event that occurs rather than placing a moral judgement on it. basically, right or wrong, there are some women who do do this. and i think she was stating more of the possible rationale some of those women might have as opposed to trying to justify their actions.

just my read on it, though. hate to see someone get words put in their mouth.
 

the_reverend

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This sound like a replica of my situation, and I went for it, after I saw her and watch her break down and cry that she was lonesome with a hubby that doesn't seem to know she exist. I love her as friend first and she was my old flame, and let the feelings of that allow me to make the wrong move.

What I found was that she had no desire to quit the unloving relationship because of security and time invested in the platonic marriage. I also found that she wasn't the one for me, and that we had a better friendship relationship before we had an affair. I broke it off because I couldn't allow herself to live a lie, but encourage her to live the truth in being herself. I think she found someone else to have an affair with, and that maybe was the truth I wasn't willing to be a part of.

Now, I have a new girl far outstrip any notion of romance and trust that I thought could be possible. But I lost a friend that I could have shared my joy in witnessing my new union with my new love. If I could reset the button, it would be to not have that affair and stayed as friend.

thank you. i think that's exactly what i needed to hear. seeing "what might have been," of a sort. i'm definitely not planning on sleeping with her...but i think if we keep going down the track we're on, which has seemed to have a pretty set pattern of escalation, then at some point an affair becomes almost inevitable. so now i just have to be better about stepping it back and trying to make sure we behave ourselves (because i really doubt she's going to, lol!).