A frustrated and pointless rant.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Zorgolio, Nov 22, 2009.

  1. Zorgolio

    Zorgolio Member

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    First off, let's have a disclaimer: this post is exactly what the topic states: it is a rant that stems from frustration and I'm afraid that in the end it may be lacking a point.

    Action. To me it has become a euphemism for any kind of physical, sexually charged interaction between people. "Had any action?"
    "Was there any action?" "Damn! I got me some action!"
    I lack it. Despite my best efforts i never get it. People around me compliment my dancing skills, my fluency of speech, my humor. But I still never get any action. It frustrates me, it confuses my friends.
    Aren't these three attributes in my favour? On occasion I've even been accused of being decently good looking!

    This becomes all the more frustrating as more and more of my friends start getting action on a more or less regular basis. All because of flukes, almost never because of effort. I know, I've witnessed these social transactions...

    Let's take a step back. The same people that say this also say that I go into these social situations (clubs, parties, etc.) with the wrong mindset. I don't know what the "right" mindset is, so I don't really know what to do about that. I try to go into these things as Tabula Rasa, that is to say "Clean Slate". No expectations. I go in to get my dance on, and once upon a time also to get my drink on. I've now sworn off alcohol as I realized that I don't need it for social interactions. Saves me alot of money and headaches.

    I keep hearing that "It happens when you least expect it". Well shit, that's really helpful. On the one hand people say "You need to be funny, attractive, smooth, fit" etc. On the other hand they're basically saying that "It happens by itself". What in the ass of a flying camel?
    So I'm supposed to have a bunch of positive attributes and then stand around in, what is hopefully, The Right Place at The Right Time?

    I've sworn off alcohol, and I'm thinking of swearing off clubs as well. Nothing. Happens. There. The music is too loud for conversations. Drunk people dance like asshats and don't look where they're going (ouch). The women don't even raise an eyebrow or smile. What's the point of these venues then? I don't know.
    I've put alot of effort into trying to get action. At least *I* feel that I've put effort into it. In reality maybe I haven't put enough into it, I just don't know, I'm no expert.

    Thing is, I've put alot of effort into it and got nothing in return.
    Now I'm thinking of putting zero effort into it. I'll still get the same amount of action as I've gotten before, but I can spend that money, time and effort on other things. Things like... studies, video games and masturbation. Or whatever.

    I've pretty much (at least on the surface of my mind) made peace with the fact that I'm going to live a life of involuntary celibacy. Allthough this may be what my friends call "The Wrong Mindset", a whiny and defeatist outlook on life.

    Fuck it.

    So be it.

    Yrs truly
    -Zorgolio
     
  2. DGirl

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    aww I hope you feel batter and just be ok..
    I miss you in CHAT!
     
  3. Mikayla

    Mikayla New Member

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    Maybe you're just being too picky.....? :wink: hehe sorry...

    No point in telling you how nice you are and how its going to happen soon cause that wont make you cheer up... but hope you'll feel better.
     
  4. Joll

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    Aww Zorgs. :p

    Not sure what to suggest, but I doubt you'll end up living a life of celibacy man. I guess you just need to relax and hopefully get a shot of confidence from somewhere.

    Maybe just enjoy yourself and interact socially irl more? I tend to meet people when I'm just hanging out with mates, and am not particularly looking. Be a bit lazier and don't try so hard? lol. :p

    Good luck anyway man - and if all else fails, u've still got us lot in chat, while you continue your search. ;)
     
  5. luka82

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    Sex is overrated!
    If u want u can have it with me!!!:wink:
     
  6. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

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    just dont try and chat people up. just talk to them. id say only 5% guys IMO can go out and consistantly pull girls, and jesus i hate those guys. that said i suck at this aswell.
     
  7. Drifterwood

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    Try UK clubs.

    Good rant btw.
     
  8. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I'm guessing you could be looking for action in the wrong places. Nightclubs and bars can be good places for some people to pic up but not everyone.

    Maybe you should look for action in different places ?
     
  9. readytocum

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    don,t be soo hard on yourself, things could happen at the moment you not really looking for it, you getting a relation could be hard too, many go the wrong way, and it hurts as much...as far as getting laid that,s another topic you,ve got to consider, if you are reserving it for the right person, or not...I know plenty of guys who are on the cruise control but many of them are loud mouth too.

    Post this cos I cares about you and hope it will turn around for you someday.
     
  10. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

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    join a pottery class...
     
  11. molotovmuffin

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    Dam Zorgolio, your rant sounds like mine.

    In my case, I want it all. I'm not looking for a fuck buddy or a one night stand. I want the real deal and all of it. So, maybe you should look at what you want and go from there.
     
  12. Zorgolio

    Zorgolio Member

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    I'm not seeking answers through this, merely venting. I *do* appreciate your replies and the general sentiment thereof, though, thank you.
    So you say that I may be looking in the wrong places? If nightclubs and bars are the wrong place place, then what is the right place? Also, muffin, I really did not know that this was an issue that women could have. Well, I guess I *know* that it can be an issue for *everybody*, it's just that I suppose I can't quite believe it :tongue:.
     
  13. shyguy1985

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    That could have been written by me apart from the fact I have no dance moves.
     
  14. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    People do meet elsewhere than in Bars and Clubs you know :wink::rolleyes: Take up a class, do volunteer work, go to a gallery or a museum, take up a team sport or any number of things really :smile:
     
  15. Zorgolio

    Zorgolio Member

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    I really don't want to sound like an ass here, BUT, you try finding time for such activities while being an engineering student! I manage to find time to go to the gym. That's pretty much it really. Before you get any ideas: the gym is statistically one of the worst places to meet people in.
     
  16. molotovmuffin

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    Or while working two jobs.
     
  17. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    Ok but how many hours a week would you spend in Bars ? I mean come Friday or Saturday night I'm sure you're prepared to put aside a good few hours no ?

    Anyway I have a full time job and bills to pay, I still meet guys in other places than bars.:rolleyes: Just saying, it sounds like your putting obstacles in your own way to me, because if people want to do things they normally find time and energy to do them.

    Oh and while I fully understand that University can be tiring and hard work at times are you seriously saying that you couldn't swap whatever hours you're frustrated at having wasted in Bars doing something else ?
     
  18. Zorgolio

    Zorgolio Member

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    Read my original post, hilaire. I'm saying that I'm going to trade those hours for something that I prefer doing. The activities that I prefer doing don't suit themselves to meeting new, interesting and fuckable people, but I still like them.
     
  19. Incocknito

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    Sex was easiest when I was a student. Get drunk. Pyjama parties and school uniform nights are particularly fruitful. Especially if you wear loose fitting shorts to the pyjama party.

    I remember one time I got a hard on when this girl was grinding up against me...well a semi. Her boyfriend wasn't pleased :smile:

    Good times.

    Also, don't go looking for sex. Sex will find you. Plus, you don't want to seem desperate.
     
  20. Bbucko

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    Spoken like a true engineering student :biggrin1:

    What this really boils down to is the importance you've placed on developing your social skills, as opposed to your skills in deductive reasoning or in your ability to visualize a completed project based on some images from CAD software. People are not predictable, they're not logical and (frequently) they're not very reasonable, at least according to mathematical formulas. They have emotions and preconceived notions and all manner of illogical patterns of behavior, and taking the time and effort required for mastery of social situations is largely a matter of motivation: you'll stay isolated and celibate until you decide that such efforts are worth your time and bother.

    Your positive qualities must not be very self-evident in a dark crowded, noisy bar, but guess what: no one's are. Your ability to project confidence in yourself is not innate. It's learned. And a nightclub environment is one of the most difficult places to project the needed level of confidence because of all the distractions and competition.

    Start with a smaller and more intimate kind of place like a pub. These kind of places still provide many of the necessary elements required of easy social interaction but in a brighter, quieter and (somewhat) less competition-driven environment where striking up a conversation with a stranger is welcomed, not discouraged. And start with some of the easier-to-reach, lower-hanging fruit to practice your social skills, not your ideal but someone who looks friendly and available to talk.

    Whether or not this actually leads to anything more than an interesting conversation shouldn't even figure into the equation at this point. There's no harm in having a beer and enjoying the company of anybody, and it's good because it will help you gain confidence through practice. Besides, you never know where a casual conversation over a beer can lead: an interesting job, a better apartment or maybe just a point of view that you've never previously considered.

    I've met lots of people at the gym, BTW. Sometimes it's been a quick sexual thing, sometimes it's been for a dinner or out for a drink somewhere, most often just as another casual acquaintance, because I prefer being friendly and outgoing to isolated and withdrawn.
     
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