A funny thing happened Friday night.

[OPPinSLC]

My girlfriend told me that she and her girlfriend (actually the girl who cuts her and my hair), went out last Friday night. One thing led to another and she said she ended up sleeping at her girlfriends place, well actually she said her and her girlfriend ended up having sex. She thinks I’m being cool about, but to tell the truth I’m kind of in shock, I don’t know what to think. The way she told me was a little casual, like she and her girlfriend went for a walk or something. We have talked about maybe getting together with another couple, just watching, we both agreed that we would feel uncomfortable if either of us were with someone else. I’m not really bothered by her being with a woman, just that she was with someone else. In truth, I wish she had never told me.

So, any of you have a similar experience?

 

[Pecker]

I may be thought prudish and old fashioned but unfaithful is unfaithful.

 

[bguy]

You need to be honest with your girlfriend about how you feel. If she thinks you're 'cool' with it then there is very little reason it won't happen again.

 

[Kodak]

wtf

 

[flame boy]

I may be thought prudish and old fashioned but unfaithful is unfaithful.

I'm with you on this one Pecker. Be it man, woman or beast...!

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

I agree with Pecker, and that should scare both of us.

 

[Corius]

Yes, faithfulness in a relationship is important, but strange things happen sometimes when two sexually charged persons are alone. And, if one is inclined to doing things on impulse it is wise to stay out of such situations. But, let's be honest, men and women do stray at times. If all of these "betrayals" ended in permanently ruptured relationships the statistics would not cheer us.
Sure, talk about it, let the offending parties know you are unhappy about it, but show a bit of understanding also. Telling you about it was perhaps her way of trying to salve a guilty conscience. Ask yourself if you might ever be tempted to be unfaithful. Even though you list 100% straight have you ever considered how you might yield to the temptation to sample that side of sexuality which you do not acknowledge as fit for yourself? If you did, would you feel bound to tell her? Her big error in my view was to tell you; what happens sexually between two persons is very personal and ought to remain strictly private. Others do not need to know and ususally don't want to know.

 

[Israel Torres]

In truth, I wish she had never told me.

... now imagine what she hasn't told you?!

In my relationships I've always brought it up front that trust is everything. Lose the trust and the relationship is gone. Like most it isn't about latching onto someone and making sure they never see anyone else; however it is about not spreading disease. To me sex is sex and love is love - they are two separate things to me but if someone I'm sleeping with is having sex with others I would want to know about it to better protect myself. All in all it has worked out very well.

Would it have been different if you guys talked about it ahead of time and you know about it? Not saying that she needs to ask your permission but more make you aware of it BEFORE it happened. Then you can make the choice whether you want to continue the relationship or accept it (join in, watch, etc...).

 

[OPPinSLC]

Corius, thank you for your kind words (and pm), I'm all for being free, but I wish she would have talked to me about it. I truly wish, now, that she hadn't told me about it lol

Also I agree with Torres, a person needs to know, on a biological level.

Also, also, the girl she was with is also a friend on mine, so it's kind of like a double betrayl. Shit! My life just got real complicated.

 

[arrivaderciroma]

What happened already happened. Look on the bright side and make it work for you.

 

[fallon2]

Pictures?

But seriously folks, ask her how she felt and what EXACTLY turned her on and then please her even more in bed.

 

[slcnewlife64]

To be honest with you and I don't want to be pesimistic with my comment but I think that relationship is not convenient for you at all man.

 

[JMeister]

Great opportunity for a threesome. Just be prepared to deal with the fact that the two of them may be more into each other than they are into you.

 

[hockeyguy741]

I'm with you on this one Pecker. Be it man, woman or beast...!

yep

 

[Principessa]

My girlfriend told me that she and her girlfriend (actually the girl who cuts her and my hair), went out last Friday night. One thing led to another and she said she ended up sleeping at her girlfriends place, well actually she said her and her girlfriend ended up having sex. She thinks I’m being cool about, but to tell the truth I’m kind of in shock, I don’t know what to think. The way she told me was a little casual, like she and her girlfriend went for a walk or something. We have talked about maybe getting together with another couple, just watching, we both agreed that we would feel uncomfortable if either of us were with someone else. I’m not really bothered by her being with a woman, just that she was with someone else. In truth, I wish she had never told me.

So, any of you have a similar experience?[/quote]
No, thank God! I'm sorry this happend to you. :frown1:

My rational side says talk to her and tell her the truth about how you feel and see if you can work it out. By work it out I mean she apologizes profusely for cheating on you and promises never to do it again. Oh yeah, and you both get a new hair stylist preferably in a different salon or town.

The Jersey Girl in me says it's time to cut bait. If she cheated once she'll do it again and the next time could be with your best friend or brother.

I may be thought prudish and old fashioned but unfaithful is unfaithful.

I agree.

You need to be honest with your girlfriend about how you feel. If she thinks you're 'cool' with it then there is very little reason it won't happen again.

Yup :yup:

My question to the OP is this, "What in your previous behavior or attitude led her to believe cheating was okay?"

 

[Not_Punny]

As someone in a semi-open relationship, I'd say she broke the most basic rule: permission.

I wouldn't dream of doing ANYTHING without my guy's full knowledge and consent... and in almost all cases, his participation. Other couples are more open, and they have "instant-sex" with other people -- but still, the couple has given blanket permission to each other to engage in that kind of sex.

So, just because you've talked about threesomes, it doesn't mean she can go off and "do" someone, male or female, without your knowledge and consent.

In ANY kind of polyamoristic relationship, it is vital to LAY OUT AND AGREE UPON THE RULES!

She probably didn't think it was a big deal (a one-timer with a girl), but still -- she did it without your foreknowledge, and without your permission. That's a no-no in any relationship.

If you want to stay with her, you have to

a) Forgive her
b) Lay out the rules for your polyamorism
c) See if she sticks to them

 

[dc9]

Making me think, this is going to take more time for me to answer.
some of you know why.

 

[Principessa]

Not_Punny, I don't do the 'open relationship' thing so I may have misinterpreted something here. :redface: How does his saying he has a fantasy of being in a threesome translate to her stepping out on her own with another woman to go scissor muffing?

 

[biz4two]

She probably didn't think it was a big deal (a one-timer with a girl), but still -- she did it without your foreknowledge, and without your permission. That's a no-no in any relationship.

If you want to stay with her, you have to

a) Forgive her
b) Lay out the rules for your polyamorism
c) See if she sticks to them

What Not_Punny said!


biz

 

[B_icem]

wtf ? get rid of this skank NOW.... then bang her sister