I've been talking to this girl for the past month and a half or so, pretty heavily. We hang out a lot during the week in each others rooms (nothing really happens except for a few "flirty" touches), eat lunch almost every day, and sometimes breakfast and dinner as well together. Over the past few weeks she's been calling me almost nightly to talk, if we aren't on the phone we are either together or texting it seems. Recently the talking and phone conversations have gone into flirty sexual talk. One night I couldn't sleep, she said I should jack off (more or less) and that I could use her as masturbation material if I wanted to (she wanted to know all about the session the following morning). I've seen her basically naked, she had a bra and panties on. She's seen me shirtless. We get along really well from what it seems. We've been together in public around school so much that my football teammates are beginning to ask who she is and if we are together. What stops me from making a move (trust me I want to) is the fact that she has a boyfriend. However, this boyfriend of hers lives in Germany, quite a far distance away. From what I can deduce she met him while she studied abroad, and is trying to make a long distance relationship work. I live literally 15 minutes from her. I've taken her back home several times this year on long breaks during school. She's told me that she's kept our little "relationship" a secret from her boyfriend because if he catches word, their relationship is over. Which makes me wonder even more. My issue here is what to do? The more we talk and hang out together, the more I want to ask her where we stand, if she wants to break off her current relationship and get with me, or something to that effect. However, if I ask that I'm afraid of the negative repercussions. What would some of you do in this situation? I have this thought in the back of my mind that she's just using me because I listen and I'm a nice guy. I hope that's not it though.
I'm only 19 but one thing I have learned about girls is that you gotta just do it, you gotta man up and say what you feel and if she doesn't like it then shes not worth your time. if you stick by that philosophy then you will be all set.
Sadly when one person develops feelings for the other, and the feeling isn't mutual, it can get difficult fast. Not everyone can handle continuing to be friends with someone when the other doesn't want to date, ESPECIALLY when there's sexual talk going on. I'd just man up and ask her. Because in the future, if things weren't going well with you two if you did get together, she may play the same game with you.
A girl, with a boyfriend is unavailable. :duh: That's it. If you can't control your feelings then you need to walk away.
Hey, Buddy, you've GOT to MAN UP! What I mean is this -- everybody is missing the most important point here -- she is playing with you. Women are way ahead of guys in manipulating situations to test a guy. Let me put it this way: If she was 100% in love with her b/f, or if she had zero interest in you sexually, SHE WOULD NOT FLIRT WITH YOU. She knows exactly how to turn you on, and that should tell you this: if you play your cards right, you can fuck her any way you want to. She's making you decide. (Chicks love a guy who knows what he wants and goes after it.) Bottom line: act like the horny bastard you are. How can she blame you for wanting to fuck her? Don't overthink this. GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT. Good luck, dude, we've all been played with since the dawn of time.
I wouldn't mess with a taken girl, but that's just me. If her boyfriend is far, she might have been considering you unconsciously an emotional booty call.. but I wouldn't miss a good fuck since she initiated anyway.
Different set of advice: TALK TO HER. Find out what she wants. Bring up the issues you've mentioned here. Let her know that you find her attractive, BUT, the current situation is problematic and you don't want to do anything to mess things up. Let her decide what she wants to do, but until she does, draw a line in the sand and don't cross it.
That's what I was thinking about doing. I was going to talk to her and see where we "stood" if she wanted to be friends, or maybe take things further. I've always told myself not to make any moves because she has a boyfriend, and I honor that, but lately it's been difficult. I don't want to wait too long without doing something though because I might miss my chance.
:shrug: you have to ask yourself what's more important to you... following your heart, but risking the friendship, or letting the fact that you have a great friendship trump all that.
Let me tell you my friend, I was an idiot regarding women through much of college. This girl is BEGGING you to make a move. You'll realize that and kick yourself in 10 years if you don't make a move now. She can't let herself make the first move because 'she has a boyfriend.' But she is opening herself to seduction and giving you all the green lights. Other thing to learn, female friends aren't worth it. They'll meet their future husband and move on. So not making a move because you want to protect the friendship is just a college excuse for not getting laid. I may sound harsh, but I was you. So I'm just going back in time and talking to myself. 1. Grow a pair. 2. Realize that many woman WANT to be fucked. 3. Realize that many woman believe the man should be the aggressor. 4. BE the fucking aggressor. 5. Send me a PM and thank me and tell me all about your first time doing her.
Jeff47 is right. I'd like to think i'm a very strong, mentally, and emotionally .... what she's doing with you is something i've experienced ... i call it "breaking sex". Cause you 2 have taken this sexual tension to the breaking point. One night as the tension is so strong you can't stretch the rubber band ANY tighter, and then it happens, the rubber band snaps. A night of crazy rough sex.... It's great However if she is just messing with you sexually, and trying to just get a fun exciting rise out of you... then well... thats not something that I'D be able to withstand. Teasing is one thing... this sounds like Blue Balls torture
Right, and women want to be wanted. She's throwing herself at you in a way, and you aren't being man enough to TAKE her. (I'm not encouraging 'taking' her if she says no). But many women want a real man. And they want to be SO desirable that the man they want can't resist. Clearly you can resist her charms (you seem to be quite good at it). Women want to be irresistible. So next time -- Don't resist!
By the sounds of things we have a lot of time planned together this week before she heads off to a cousins wedding for the weekend. I plan on asking where we "stand" during one of these times. I need to be blunt and just say it. I need to know where this relationship stands in her eyes. Also, I've noticed she has changed pictures on her cell phone to a Sex and the City logo (used to be her BF) and her Facebook profile picture (her and her BF originally). I dunno, maybe those are just coincidences.
let us know how everything turns out. i hope that it's a positive ending, no matter what the outcome. good luck.
Don't ask her where you stand. Make a move. You may get shot down, and no means no. But you might get the fuck of your young life. It's worth the gamble.
I agree with jeff47 and fgomes85. When I was in college, I was in the exact same situation you were in. I became close friends with a girl that had a long distance boyfriend. Before we knew it, the sexual tension was too much and things eventually happened between the two of us. Right after this, we had a conversation and talked about cooling things off until she broke it off with her boyfriend. Within a week, she broke it off. She later admitted that she had never been without a boyfriend which was why she hung on to the long distance relationship. Good luck!
So, you don't mind losing your honor? I know that I'm different than most here, but imho, you need to stand by your honor. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, but as long as she is not honest with her current boyfriend, I wouldn't go any further. In the beginning, I was very much in love with my ex when we first got together. She had a boyfriend at the time. One thing that I could be proud of, and she told me really impressed her, was that until the day that she told me they were over, I never made a move. Once she told me that she was no longer with him - Game ON!
I'm with Countryguy on this one. Forgive my being crass here...but some things in life are of greater value than a fuck and an orgasm....and people are worth more than being reduced to being genitalia and an orgasm. I think that the biggest question that you need to ask and it's one that only you can answer, and that is: "Which way forward is reflective of who I am and what I believe?" Because ultimately, you'll be the one to look at yourself in the mirror for the rest of your life, and nobody else. ...and regardless of what she wants or what the outcome is, you'll always be able to hold onto the fact that you were true to who you are and what you believe. All of the best!
