A good approach

CallmeKyle

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Ok, so, help me to tell a girl about how I feel about her.
Every girl has a friend like me... I am pretty infatuated with her, to be honest, but I'm quite unsure as to whether she knows and/or feels the same. We hangout every day, she smiles and laughs with me and, long story short, we are friends, but with a relatively unexplored sense of attraction towards one another. I catch her looking at me all the time, but she's never really made a move and, neither yet have I.
Given that I'm pretty clueless about what to say and about what SHE is feeling, can i get an indication as to what women want from guys like this? Do you fantasize about a big "confession", is it better just to hint? Should I just say nothing and kiss her? Tell me how to say, "I wanna be with you"
 

HiddenLacey

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"I wanna be with you," would be a start. Be honest with her, tell her you have feelings for her, ask her if she's ever thought of you as anything other than a friend. Don't drop hints, she may never understand what you are hinting at, especially if you have a flirtly friendship.

If she says no, don't act any different and go back to being friends.
 

xX_Sarah_Xx

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I'm not sure if she's really that clueless that she wouldn't already know? Women on general are pretty perceptive, and when you're attracted to someone you often give off this vibe. I'll tell you how I personally handle this with guys just so you can maybe see if there are parallels in the way she's behaving towards you. If not, you could post a few examples of how she interacts with you because your description was pretty vague to actually assess the whole situation.

Personally, I always pick up when guys do this. But when I'm not interested, and they're not trying to make a move, then it's safe to keep them in the friends-zone. I'm not going to act any differently towards them when they're clearly not assertive enough to make the situation uncomfortable and ruin a good thing. I like my man-friends, and I'm careful of keeping them in the friends zone. When they try to catch my eye for too long too much or any of the other signs pops up, first step is to ignore it's happening. And pretend I don't notice. I don't want to make things uncomfortable, and I value their friendship.
When it gets so noticeable I cannot pretend anymore, I ignore them more. I try to make sure we don't hang out alone and if they're trying to get me alone I will always find a good or not so good excuse. As long as they're not "making a move", it's always best to not call them out on it. They're friends. I hate making them feel bad.
At one point, sometimes it's necessary to cut them off. I hate having to do that but if ignoring the problem doesn't help them to divert their attention elsewhere...
 

CallmeKyle

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I don't really know what is going on in her mind, at all...
I often ask her to watch a movie/series with me when I get bored. And we're mostly alone. We talk a lot, but do quite a lot of arguing. Our relationship is a very volatile one, we tend to disagree A LOT... Mostly about trivial bullshit, but ja, she doesn't seem to avoid me and regularly makes the topic of conversation something sexually related. Not like, explicit and just sex sex sex, but in a kind of subtle-ish way. Like maybe something happens on a movie we're watching and she'll say something like, "I hate it when girls are like x or y, I'm more interested in doing z"
 
D

D_Kay_Sarah_Sera

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Be careful Kyle.

If you go for it, there are two central outcomes, right? Either she's into you (which it sounds like she is) or she isn't.

If she isn't, that makes your move cause tension and unsettlement when you two are in the same vicinity. Whenever you are living with someone and there's negativity or unease that can't be fixed.....that's a considerate problem that you ought to think about carefully. If this happens, what will you do? Are you both on the lease? Do you have a plan in case...? These are all serious questions you should be asking yourself when thinking about this

Now if she says yes, of course, that will make you very happy, and maybe you two will live happily ever after. But that's not too likely. Not trying to be cynical but a realist. The odds are that if you two start hooking up, something will happen that makes things go wrong. And then you wind up in a very similar situation to the rejection scenario.

I don't have much advice to give but I would definitely google up on indicators of interest in the opposite sex and be on the lookout for them...if you are serious about going there. There are things we will do around a guy we like and these are things that we won't do if we don't want a guy to get the wrong impression. Like touching your arm when she laughs after you say something funny. Small unnecessary things that might even be unconscious on her part, so I would research that if I were you and you'll know if she wants you too.

But again just proceed with caution okay? Sounds like quite a predicament. The volatility you described was a huge red flag that if emotions were to enter into play, it could wind up causing you both a lot of grief.
 
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julesq

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Please, please, please, "don't just kiss her". That is way to aggressive especially since she is a roommate. You need to figure out if it is just infatuation or if there is relationship potential there. If you can see yourself in a relationship with her, then think about having a serious, mature, direct conversation. Explain how you feel and what you would like to see happen. It is important that you don't make her feel pressured to "feel" the same way that you do unless she truly wants to. Having said that, you need to consider the possibility that this could destroy the roommate situation if she doesn't have feelings for you. This could create an untenable situation and may force you to have to move. If this is not something that is going to be possible, than it might be best to not say anything and just see how things play out.
Regardless, I always find frank communication generally will serve well in all situations. You just need to be ready for the answers you get during those conversations. Once you are at that point go for it.
 

CallmeKyle

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So I'm about to leave. I told her that she's very special to me and that I love hanging out with her, she replied with similar sentiments, but I just CANT tell her that I want to be with her. She told me a few days ago in an argument that I must tell her "what I actually feel". It was a political argument and it was kinda irrelevant. Then she told me she ended things with the last guy she was dating, who I was unclear about and didn't really ask her about...
Have I handled this like a wuss, or is it right that I've let it go?
After my 3-month summer holiday, should I pursue this further when we aren't living together?
 

EllieP

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Maybe she was looking for an excuse to figure out why her signals weren't interpreted correctly. Or maybe yours, too.

Some things just weren't meant to be.

When my husband and I were engaged we were at a music festival when a woman approached him backstage. It was apparent she knew him before I was in the picture because she was having a serious conversation with him.

He quickly turned around and introduced me taking my left hand and putting it in her face showing off my engagement ring. He said "Does that answer your question?"

I was angry, puzzled and felt completely lost. We walked away and he told me that she worked in the studio when they were putting together an album. They worked side by side on the boards late into the evening for weeks during the past year.

So when she accosted him she asked if he was gay and promised she would keep it confidential. She said she thought she gave off the right signals, but they seemed to go over his head. That's when he introduced me as a response.

He says he may have noticed some signals, but he was focused on producing his album, and anything extracurricular would not only complicate things but compromise his goal.

She was definitely looking for a reason he rebuffed her because apparently in her mind no normal man could deny her.

I'm not saying your roommate will come looking for answers, but it sounds like you might be.
 

CallmeKyle

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Well, I have invited her to come spend a few days with me at my mom's house (where I live in the holidays) and told her we can drink by the pool and that I'd make her a few meals in return for all the cooking she did for me over the year... She said she's keen. So obviously, she does also wanna spend time with me.
I figured that in this time, it would be good to tell her how I feel.
I'm gonna say that I've realized that I like her and I want our relationship to continue because I enjoy being around her and that I'm only making the move now because things are less complicated because we no longer live together...
Not a stupid move, right?
 

EllieP

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That sounds sweet, and it sounds like she's receptive. Please let us know how it goes. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!