a humble thank you

ulube08

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I've held onto my share of bitterness but I'm growing and I'm still young, in that order. So i'd like to humbly give thanks to all the women, truly grown, mature ladies who make the cause of all that bitterness worth the pain. I read more than I post, watch more than I act, so I know there are some out there and on here, even if it takes a long time to figure out how to distinguish your best qualities from a distance (the starting point of all interactions). Thank you for being you.

That being said, and the fact of where I'm posting, I will ask a question. I'm being completely sincere in my alleged lack of knowing btw: what is more often the situation when it comes to approaching the kind of women I'm describing, the ones worth approaching, a guy gets the benefit of the doubt that he's not an asshat because he's average looking or a guy gets prejudged as an arrogant, cocky, shallow actor/liar because he's signifcantly attractive?
 

ulube08

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It's a question of positive and negative prejudice. Which happens more often? Does the average guy get the benefit of the doubt more or does the handsome (or whatever) guy get the shallow jerk prejudice more? Therefore having an advantage over the handsome guy?
 

LaFemme

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I'll give the question a go. Neither, for me at least. While I may judge "hot or not" immediately, I don't make any assumptions about personality based on average vs great looks. And in fact, I let personality be the ultimate deciding factor on who is truly hot. Sometimes the hot guy really is hot; sometimes the hot guy is the chubby guy with the wicked smile who remembers how I take my coffee and knows all the plot twists of the Walking Dead.

And thanks for the nice words!
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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It's a question of positive and negative prejudice. Which happens more often? Does the average guy get the benefit of the doubt more or does the handsome (or whatever) guy get the shallow jerk prejudice more? Therefore having an advantage over the handsome guy?

Ah. Ok.. well.. LaFemme pretty much hit the nail on the head with her response :)
 

xX_Sarah_Xx

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It's a question of positive and negative prejudice. Which happens more often? Does the average guy get the benefit of the doubt more or does the handsome (or whatever) guy get the shallow jerk prejudice more? Therefore having an advantage over the handsome guy?

Totally depends on the guy. Attractiveness is totally subjective, and I usually score it for a major part on the way he moves, carries himself, the way he stands out in the room. Confidence. A lot of "handsome" guys give off the "fake" vibe, making them immediately not handsome. Some really average looking guys immediately suck all the attention to them, just by the way they stand in the room. Which one happens more? To me, I think the average guy standing out. I automatically dismiss handsome fakes, and they don't really register. That doesn't mean I stick the prejudice to every handsome one I see though, they have to give off the wrong vibe....

That's totally a difficult question dude.
 

ulube08

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That's totally a difficult question dude.

Seems like you ladies were losing faith in the ask a woman area, saturated with easy questions. Besides if a question is easy to answer the person asking should try google.

I asked because I consider myself to have above average looks but it seems to hinder more than help. I've been told, without even asking, that I'm assumed to be a "slut." Maybe I do give off a sexual vibe, I wouldn't accept blame for it though. Like another female here said, you ladies don't really have to do anything and guys will still appreciate you and find you attractive, but women do go to great lengths to immitate the so-called sex symbols we've seen in music videos, movies, magazines etc. So if that's what's going on it's basically a mouse trap. It's like I'm expected to inhibit my boilogical/biochemical/neurological response to seeing something that nature and nurture decided long ago would be a trigger for such things.

Or maybe they just assume I got all the moves (like jager) and I'm supposed to do something beyond what an average guy would have the prowess/confidence/sense of entitlement to do. Idk ?__?
 
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fluffychocolate

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Have you asked the women in question why they assume the things they do about you? Is it the company you keep? The way you dress? How you approach them? The type of women you approach? Do you talk about sex straight off the bat?

Seems like you ladies were losing faith in the ask a woman area, saturated with easy questions. Besides if a question is easy to answer the person asking should try google.

I asked because I consider myself to have above average looks but it seems to hinder more than help. I've been told, without even asking, that I'm assumed to be a "slut." Maybe I do give off a sexual vibe, I wouldn't accept blame for it though. Like another female here said, you ladies don't really have to do anything and guys will still appreciate you and find you attractive, but women do go to great lengths to immitate the so-called sex symbols we've seen in music videos, movies, magazines etc. So if that's what's going on it's basically a mouse trap. It's like I'm expected to inhibit my boilogical/biochemical/neurological response to seeing something that nature and nurture decided long ago would be a trigger for such things.

Or maybe they just assume I got all the moves (like jager) and I'm supposed to do something beyond what an average guy would have the prowess/confidence/sense of entitlement to do. Idk ?__?
 

EllieP

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Of course I can tell from first glance if a guy looks hot or not. That just means he's nice to look at.

Going any further than that requires a lot more. It doesn't mean I would give the hot guy a bye on the requirements for a meaningful relationship. There's got to be a lot more there.

My first look at my husband-to-be was a "wow" moment. He's hot! Nice. So? He's an entertainer so he has to be made to appear hot. But there was something about him that made me want to know more, and it wasn't his looks. Of course, I would have never pursued anything with him until he made the first move.

Now, if you ask him he'll say "there was this blonde with big boobs in a red top." I'd like to think there was more that that going on in his head, but to him that was a good place to start.
 

D_Eva_D_Struction

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Hmmmm....for me, it's more about how he carries himself. I may THINK the handsome man has more women after him because of his looks, but I wouldn't shoot him down without at least talking to him first. In essence, both men are on equal ground with me ;)

It's a question of positive and negative prejudice. Which happens more often? Does the average guy get the benefit of the doubt more or does the handsome (or whatever) guy get the shallow jerk prejudice more? Therefore having an advantage over the handsome guy?
 

ulube08

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Have you asked the women in question why they assume the things they do about you? Is it the company you keep? The way you dress? How you approach them? The type of women you approach? Do you talk about sex straight off the bat?

Have you asked the women in question why they assume the things they do about you? Affirmative
Is it the company you keep? Don't keep much company
The way you dress? Haven't heard that one
How you approach them? No idea
The type of women you approach? Seriously doubt it
Do you talk about sex straight off the bat? Like once, it was the best response I ever got strangely. I was humble and respectful and blunt with a sense of censorship. I commented on her legs, she smiled and thanked me, then I said i'd love to stick my face between them, she laughed and thanked me again.

The only thing I've heard about why a woman thought I was *ehem* promiscuous, she said it was my physical appearance. See? I'm not just pulling bullshit out of a sense of self-consciousness, these things are from the mouth of the horse, and I actually think I'm pretty awesome.