A joke to offend everyone.

[IntoxicatingToxin]

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS


God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will
make your lives better."

The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"

And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."

"Can you give us an example?"

"Thou shall not kill."

"Not kill? We're not interested."

So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and
Mother."

"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not
steal."

"Not steal? We're not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not
commit adultery."

"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."

"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"

"They're free."

"We'll take 10."

There! That should offend just about everybody.

 

[Principessa]

Good one Meg! :biggrin1: :lmao:

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will
make your lives better."

The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"

And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."

"Can you give us an example?"

"Thou shall not kill."

"Not kill? We're not interested."

So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and
Mother."

"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not steal."

"Not steal? We're not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not
commit adultery."

"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."

"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"

"They're free."

"We'll take 10."

There! That should offend just about everybody.

 

[Rugbypup]

lol, very good.

 

[yngjock20]

Ha!

That was a good one.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

:biggrin: Awful!! Drop and a give me 20!! And when you're done go do some push-ups :tongue:

My favourite commandments joke:

Moses comes down from the mountain to the waiting Jews and says:

Children of Israel - I have some good news and some bad...

What is the good news, Moses? - they chorus.

I got Him down from 15 to just 10!

[cheers] And what is the bad news?

Adultery is still in there.

 

[ZOS23xy]

A few others:

What do you call a Phiilies fan with a gambling habit?

Bankrupt.

Why do teenagers like face piercings?

It gets rid of one pimple.

What did Yul Brynner have a hole in his pants?

So women could run their fingers through his hair.

Did you hear about the Polish homosexual?

He married a woman.

What does a woman say after her tenth orgasm...

....

...

...
I knew you didn't know. Poor woman!

 

[Mr. Bungle]

That was a great joke, MamaMeg!! I got one for y'all...

What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

-They both have a wet nose.

 

[MalakingTiti]

A white guy, a Mexican, and a black guy are walking down the street when a genie appears and tells them he'll grant them each a wish. The Mexican perks up first and wishes that him and all Mexicans could return to Mexico and live a life of luxury. Poof! His wish is granted.

After seeing that, the black dude speaks up and says "I wish that all of my black brothers and sisters could return to Africa and live like kings and queens." Poof! He's gone.

Finally the genie comes to the white guy. The white guy stands silent for a second but then speaks up and asks "Wait... Do you mean all the blacks are back in Africa and the Mexicans are gone too? In that case I'll have a coke."

 

[MalakingTiti]

Why are Jews' noses so big? The air is free.

 

[MalakingTiti]

Another genie joke...

A black guy, a white guy, and a Jew are standing on the street when a genie appears and offers to grant them each 1 wish.

The white wishes for stocks and securities.

The black guy wishes for 1 million dollars.

The Jew wishes for a bunch of cheap jewelry and the black guy's address.

 

[MalakingTiti]

What do you call a Puerto Rican with a suit on? Defendant.

 

[MalakingTiti]

A black guy, a Jewish guy and a Gay guy die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly gates St. Peter tells them that the reason they died is due to their inability to resist temptation. He makes a deal with them that they can go back to earth and try again, but if they yield to temptation they will instantly be killed. They agree to give it a shot.

When they get back to earth, the first thing they notice is the aroma of fried chicken in the air. The black says "Oh lawdy! Dat fried chicken smells so gooood! I gots tah have sum".

The other guys tell him "Don't do it. You know what St. Peter said"

The black replies "I can't hep it! I gots tah gots tah have me sum!" He takes a bite and instantly he disappears.

As the Jew and the Queer walk away talking about what just happened, they notice a penny on the sidewalk. The Jew says "Oy! Look. It's a penny. Who would leave such a thing lying there?"

The Queer says "Oh no! Don't pick it up. You know what happened to Tyrone".

The Jew replies "Nonsense. I must. What do you think? I'm made of a fortune of money?" So the Jew bends over to pick up the penny and the Queer disappears.

 

[yngjock20]

^^Ha. Okay...I think that's enough for one day.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

^^Ha. Okay...I think that's enough for one day.

Seconded - but I might add a 'more than' in to that sentiment.

 

[nakedwally]

LOL

 

[B_Nick4444]

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

[tiggerpoo]

Oh boy, what great jokes. I always have a joke for my class - I'll use some of these for the next few days. Thanks guys.