A little advice, please? Am I bastard, or is my girlfriend crazy?

[TheScotsman]

I'm still a bit weirded out by this and figured I'd take a shot and ask the women here what exactly I should make of this... any advice on what it is I did wrong, would probably be quite helpful!

During sex, my girlfriend and I were fooling around as normal - we'd been out for drinks quite late, smoked a couple of joints at a friends' house before grabbing a taxi back to mine roundabout 4 or 5 in the morning. In all honesty, at that point, I was ready for bed and had pretty much assumed she was too. Instead, she starts kissing me quite passionately, leading on to her undressing and whispering about how hard she wanted me to fuck her. So far, all normal.

We're at it for 20 minutes or so, I guess (time-keeping usually goes out the window during sex if things are going good!) before I make what I look now in hindsight was a less-than-subtle gesture that I'd like her to go down on me. In all of a year of going out, she's never said no and has always, consitantly shown enthusiasm for sucking cock - something that she also happens to be really really fucking good at. Though, this time, she hesitates and tells me she really doesn't want to. I'm confused, a little and ask her why.

At this point she moves away from me completely and starts getting upset - saying that she wanted to be close and intimate with me, not something she can do whilst sucking my cock (her words). This confused me, since 20 minutes earlier, she'd been saying "fuck me hard" over and over. Going on, she said that oral sex wasn't intimate at all and just flat-out pornographic.

I complained that, how was I supposed to know she'd wanted close and intimate "love-making" when all she'd said was to fuck her hard? Apparently this too, was the wrong thing to say and she stormed out of the room and slept downstairs.

Sorry this wound up being so long, but I'm incredibly confused as to what it is I've done wrong. She's gone home for the weekend and if I've done something wrong, I should probably apologise for it, but fuck if I know what it is. Women, did I commit some cardinal sin out of ignorance? Is a blowjob really that degrading and non-intimate for women?

Really confused.

 

[D_Penelope Clitstop]

Blow jobs arent overtly intimate so she has a point there.

The phrase "fuck me hard" is quite an ambiguous term but Im guessing all she wanted to do was have regular sex with you not involving oral sex in any way shape or form.

Some women really dont like giving blow jobs but do it just to keep their partners quiet from nagging about it. Im not saying ur gf is one of those but next time you see her I suggest you ask her honestly.

Hope this helps and doesnt come across as nasty

 

[beachbum1971]

If she was drunk, high, and hormonal, she was just being a girl on an off night. In other words, women are hard to figure out because we are prone to mood swings but we will deny this statement because we don't want men to think less of us for being more emotional. I'm sure I will anger many women, but when in doubt, it's best to just agree with us and in a few days we are sane again.
There is a difference between fucking and making love. One is intimate with someone you care about, where you are that exact moment, no other thought in your head but the other person and, the other is usually much harder, faster, quicker and it's about getting off. I can fuck my dildo. I can only make love to someone I care about. As far as giving head, some girls like doing it and some girls do it only because you like it.
So, to sum up, I'm guessing she was tired and the best thing to do is to ask her if she wants to talk about it.

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

Mmmm well, she could be like beachbum says, and maybe so, but she could have also wanted more closeness from you. I mean, fuck me hard, is just saying make love to me, but using hotter words, right? But I have a question for you, when she goes down, do you finish and then you all are all done? In other words, is that the end of the sex for the night? The closeness? Was she hinting at wanting closeness vs. a quick fuck?

And yeah, maybe the drinks, lateness, and the pot all had her hormones tangled up -- emotional. And now, yes, you should talk to her. Hopefully it's just hormones and not some long suppressed unhappiness with your intimacy...like you don't leave her...uh, hanging do you? LOL, sorry, but had to ask....and if you don't call her or go over, and yes, try to talk, won't she just assume you don't care at all??

 

[JC8]

Dump her. She's a kook.

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

ouch!

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

good thing you asked the WOMEN on here, huh?

 

[Not_Punny]

I agree with Mewmew88, but I will add one thing:

She started the sex session, and she probably wanted to get off.

I don't know how you incorporate blowjobs into your sex life. But if you usually require her to blow you until you cum, and she hasn't gotten off and there's no more sex for her, then it can be a problem.

But if you usually switch it up -- some sucking, some fucking, back and forth -- then I haven't got a clue what the problem was.

If I were you, I'd apologize. Say you're sorry you upset her, and that she's so awesome, etc., etc., and then I'd suggest "hashing this out" so that you know what to do next time so that you don't "repeat the mistake."

In other words, ASK her what happened. But you're gonna need to offer an apology first. The apology IS sincere because you really ARE sorry to have upset her. Apologies, done correctly, don't admit guilt or point fingers at anyone.

 

[dolfette]

she's getting all passionate & hot here and then you go and ruin it by, instead of fucking her like you need her, asking her to do something that she doesn't want. you completely ruined the flow and the mood, AND THEN you made her feel like she has to defend her lack of enthusiasm for it and you can't see that this is a big issue for her.

that would be her point of view. you're welcome.

when a girl says ''not tonight'' the correct response is not ''why not?''. not wanting to tonight isn't something she should have to explain. just accept it.

 

[TheScotsman]

Thanks for the advice, it has been incredibly helpful. First of all - no, I never leave her hanging at all and a blowjob never signals the end of a sex session for us, we tend to mix it up with different positions and whatnot. I've always had a pretty good ability to withhold my own orgasm, something I always do until I'm absolutely damn sure she's managed to have one herself. So whilst I get where you're coming from, even though I did want her to go down on me that night, it wouldn't have meant the whole session ended there and then.

I mean, maybe I should've mentioned, but most of the time we're a long distance relationship - myself in London and her in Dublin. Before she came over this time, we'd been apart for over a month so we hadn't had sex in a pretty long time. Well, when she came over we were pretty much at it like rabbits for a week solid until I happened to be starting a new job and she happened to just get her period. I know some people are for it, but period sex isn't really our thing so again, we hadn't had sex for a little while. Which is probably another reason I didn't initiate that night, since she'd been "off-limits" for a few days and I guess it was the same deal until she made it clear that she did want to sex.

I mean hell, I'd already given her an orgasm at that point so I don't think she was worried about me leaving her hanging or anything (though, she did wind up doing that to me as a result of this whole thing). And I have spoken to her since and apologised for upsetting her - but like I say, even though I've apologised, I'm still somewhat confused as to what I did even after talking to her. She went through the same arguments whilst sober - that she wanted intimacy and love-making, as opposed to just fucking.

Cheers for the advice all. I guess I just needed to vent about this and clear it out of my head since it's still got me incredibly confused.

 

[Drifterwood]

I agree with Mewmew88, but I will add one thing:

She started the sex session, and she probably wanted to get off.

I don't know how you incorporate blowjobs into your sex life. But if you usually require her to blow you until you cum, and she hasn't gotten off and there's no more sex for her, then it can be a problem.

But if you usually switch it up -- some sucking, some fucking, back and forth -- then I haven't got a clue what the problem was.

If I were you, I'd apologize. Say you're sorry you upset her, and that she's so awesome, etc., etc., and then I'd suggest "hashing this out" so that you know what to do next time so that you don't "repeat the mistake."

In other words, ASK her what happened. But you're gonna need to offer an apology first. The apology IS sincere because you really ARE sorry to have upset her. Apologies, done correctly, don't admit guilt or point fingers at anyone.

I agree with NP but DON'T apologise personally. Say that you regret that IT didn't work out the other night, NOT that you did something wrong, or were in anyway responsible for upsetting her.

Be responsible for your own actions and feelings, not someone else's.

 

[TheScotsman]

Fair enough, dolfette. I mean, for the record - we do have pretty amazing sex, I guess it's just recently she read some sort of "How-To" article on blowjobs and suddenly she went from good to JESUS CHRIST THAT'S GOOD in a week, so there was probably an element of selfishness on my part. Otherwise, it probably would never have entered my head. But like I say, I struggle to see these things from a female perspective, hence why I ask. I've apologised to her and as a man, I just wanted to get a clearer picture of what it is I did wrong.

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

your gf isn't crazy. she wanted to be/feel close to you and your blowjob request killed the moment. she wanted YOU to take care of HER. she didn't want to give you a blowjob. if she wanted to, she would have taken charge.

you're not a bastard. you just have a lot of making up to do. dedicate a whole session (or two, or three, or as many as you'd like) to her and make it about HER, not you. do it... nowwww. and do not ask for a blowjob or you'll be back in the same boat.

 

[Drifterwood]

you're not a bastard. you just have a lot of making up to do. dedicate a whole session (or two, or three, or as many as you'd like) to her and make it about HER, not you. do it... nowwww. and do not ask for a blowjob or you'll be back in the same boat.

Don't follow this advice. :smile: But rest assured that you are not a bastard.

 

[139189]

Maybe it wasn't about the sex, the physical sensations, or either of your orgasms; maybe it was just her longing to feel close to you, that electricity running through both of your bodies as your connected together physically and emotionally

 

[dalynxx]

Aww you're not a bastard, you just timed it wrong. If she loves giving bjs then you'll just have to wait until she is ready. I'm a freak and I would have just done it, but that's just me. Every woman is different.

 

[D_Suckleberry Hound]

You were both wasted. Not the best time to be discussing stuff. Call her. Apologize that the evening got messed up. Tell her you can't stop thinking about her.

 

[_Alexxx_]

If she said she didn't feel like it, don't start asking why, you are stopping sex to discuss something and that cooled things for her. She probably thought you were selfish when she wanted the attention for once

 

[dolfette]

If she said she didn't feel like it, don't start asking why

that's it really.
had he accepted no and smoothly moved onto something else then they would've had mind blowing sex and she would've forgotten the bj question had ever come up.

 

[TheScotsman]

Probably, you're right. I mean, I get that I did wrong here, I don't see any reason to rub it in my face or anything like that since clearly I'm asking because I care. When it comes to sex, other than this apparent instance, I'm always 100% about whether the other person enjoys themselves. I guess with her new-found talents, I was somewhat selfish for once and ruined the moment. I get that, I've apologised to her now and I have a clearer picture of what it is that I did wrong.

I mean, I still somewhat think her reaction was a little overboard, but I understand now why she reacted the way she did. As for missing out on mind-blowing sex - well, we have that alot, so a blip on the radar isn't something I'm stressed about. I just have this thing where I assume I'm the biggest, most insensitive cunt on the planet and I fear I may have somewhat justified that opinion this time.

I mean, I didn't even mention the fact that I'd already gone down on her that evening. But that's neither here nor there, now. Cheers for the advice everybody though, it's genuinely helped sort out my head on this one, since obviously, it's always my aim to make sure the girl has a fucking mind-blowing time. In a year long relationship, a one night fuck-up is statistically pretty good going, I guess.