A little advice, please? Am I bastard, or is my girlfriend crazy?

dolfette

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i'm not calling you an arsehole, pet.
were you an arsehole you'd be bitching about her being unfair, not feeling like a kicked puppy.

it's a classic bloke error though.
''why'' is a dangerous word!
 

helgaleena

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I guess if you were having trouble getting it up due to the intoxicants and thought being blown was a quick fix, it may have been better to just fondle yourself hard while continuing the foreplay.

Hindsight is 20/20 though. She wanted You to fuck Her not the other way round. If you had let her know you needed a little help to do what she asked, it may have gone smoother.
 

Gillette

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She went through the same arguments whilst sober - that she wanted intimacy and love-making, as opposed to just fucking.
Then perhaps, "Fuck me hard" wasn't the best way to express that.

I'm reading from a lot of the respondants that your request for some head killed the mood because it didn't fit perfectly with what she wanted and I'd agree with that assesment. But what I don't understand or agree with is why, when there are two people engaged in sex, only her expectations (poorly expressed at that) are important.

I can't see why his also expressing his desires is worthy of an emotional outburst, punishment or something he should apologize for.

If she wanted it to be entirely her way she needed to express that clearly AND have him agree to it. To expect it without this is a quite the sense of entitlement.
 

voidout

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Then perhaps, "Fuck me hard" wasn't the best way to express that.

I'm reading from a lot of the respondants that your request for some head killed the mood because it didn't fit perfectly with what she wanted and I'd agree with that assesment. But what I don't understand or agree with is why, when there are two people engaged in sex, only her expectations (poorly expressed at that) are important.

I can't see why his also expressing his desires is worthy of an emotional outburst, punishment or something he should apologize for.

If she wanted it to be entirely her way she needed to express that clearly AND have him agree to it. To expect it without this is a quite the sense of entitlement.

agree. i don't understand why no one is going "your girlfriend over reacted."

it's like asking for pancakes and then when it gets to the table you start crying because you got waffles...what the fuck. they're both breakfast, you butter it, put syrup on it, it's delicious...eat up and shut up.

also...since when are BJ's not involved in love making? is that some kind of rule? that blow jobs are "pornographic" and not intimate simply because they're in porn? soooo...fucking isn't intimate because it's in porn? eating a woman out can't be intimate because it's in porn? please.

who says "fuck me HARD" over and over while wanting a close intimate situation? uhhh...what??? i feel like i've entered the twilight zone.

it's not a crime to ask why.
it's normal to wonder, and if it were the reverse situation, i'd say the same thing in the moment...
 

AlteredEgo

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Then perhaps, "Fuck me hard" wasn't the best way to express that.

I'm reading from a lot of the respondants that your request for some head killed the mood because it didn't fit perfectly with what she wanted and I'd agree with that assesment. But what I don't understand or agree with is why, when there are two people engaged in sex, only her expectations (poorly expressed at that) are important.

I can't see why his also expressing his desires is worthy of an emotional outburst, punishment or something he should apologize for.

If she wanted it to be entirely her way she needed to express that clearly AND have him agree to it. To expect it without this is a quite the sense of entitlement.
WERD! Word-for-word.

agree. i don't understand why no one is going "your girlfriend over reacted."...
Me either!
 

_Alexxx_

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It's simple as the fact that she didn't want to do it. Are you seriously saying she should have gone down just to please him??

If either part doesn't feel like doing something, it's not happening, even if in the past it did happen 10.000 times and in the future 10.000 more. She didn't want. It works both ways, if she asked to do something specific and he didn't want to, he can say no, right?

The wrong step was starting to ask why. That was like pushing to have it disregarding her desires. You should have accepted it and if you wanted to discuss why, find another moment to ask her, any moment that doesn't break what was going on.
 

voidout

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It's simple as the fact that she didn't want to do it. Are you seriously saying she should have gone down just to please him??

If either part doesn't feel like doing something, it's not happening, even if in the past it did happen 10.000 times and in the future 10.000 more. She didn't want. It works both ways, if she asked to do something specific and he didn't want to, he can say no, right?

The wrong step was starting to ask why. That was like pushing to have it disregarding her desires. You should have accepted it and if you wanted to discuss why, find another moment to ask her, any moment that doesn't break what was going on.

No, we're not saying that at all...
Who ever said that she should be obligated to please him?

I'm saying it's not wrong to ask why...

It's perfectly natural to wonder why every single time you have sex with someone they do something, and one night they suddenly don't want to. I'd ask why. It's not pressuring, it's asking if there's more of a reason than simply "I don't feel like it".

Yes, maybe he should have waited until after wards, but shit spills out. They were drinking, they were both high, and if you're going to give her over-reaction the slack because she was fucked up, then give him the slack of asking "why" at the wrong moment because HE was fucked up.
 

Nekoman

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Unless you really know a woman well, it's impossible to know in advance what will offend her finer senses of tastefull amorous behavior. One day a bj will be debasing and crude and selfish on your part....and another day it may turn her on like hell. The trick is taking the time to get to know her. You can't always be right, as long as you keep getting the chance to come back and learn what gets her hot. She may even be messing with your head, which I seriously doubt.
 
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a1149

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Hey Scotsman - I see things a bit differently than the other girls on here. It sounds like you guys have a pretty open sexual relationship and you didn't do anything out of the norm to warrant an apology. She told you how she wanted it, why can't you do the same??? If anything she needs to apologize to you for being a baby about the situation. If she was upset she should have communicated it to you like an adult -NOT pouting on the sofa. She should take you wanting head from her as a compliment. You compromised and had sex when you were tired and wanting sleep. You did it how she wanted and she (and the girls on here) have the nerve to say there could possibly be a titch selfish. REALLY people?!

I'm sorry ... I don't think you did anything wrong .... at all
 

Nekoman

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Hey Scotsman - I see things a bit differently than the other girls on here. It sounds like you guys have a pretty open sexual relationship and you didn't do anything out of the norm to warrant an apology. She told you how she wanted it, why can't you do the same??? If anything she needs to apologize to you for being a baby about the situation. If she was upset she should have communicated it to you like an adult -NOT pouting on the sofa. She should take you wanting head from her as a compliment. You compromised and had sex when you were tired and wanting sleep. You did it how she wanted and she (and the girls on here) have the nerve to say there could possibly be a titch selfish. REALLY people?!

I'm sorry ... I don't think you did anything wrong .... at all

That's cause you're not his girlfriend so you're thinking rationally.
 

a1149

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That's cause you're not his girlfriend so you're thinking rationally.


Hahaha, thankfully I am usually thinking rationally. However if that were the case, the other 2 dozen girls commenting on here would think the same way. Unfortunately that isn't the case. Its hard being part of a rare breed given a bad name by drama queens. Oh well ...
 

Nekoman

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Hahaha, thankfully I am usually thinking rationally. However if that were the case, the other 2 dozen girls commenting on here would think the same way. Unfortunately that isn't the case. Its hard being part of a rare breed given a bad name by drama queens. Oh well ...

I wasn't even referring to your female-ness, but merely her emotionally/psychological involvment warping her awareness. The gender doesn't matter. He's irrational too, when it comes to her. They're both locked to the scene.
 

dolfette

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nope, the ''why'' would piss me off too.

if she never blew him then wanting to know why would be normal.
but this was a one off.

does there need to be a reason why?
to request an explanation implies that she should do it, so there should be an explanation if she doesn't.

in her place i would've snapped at him. asked if he expected a bloody note from my mother to get me out of it. i wouldn't dream of asking for an explanation from a man who just wasn't in the mood...it's bad manners.

i wouldn't think him a bastard though. well...not the first time.
 

nicenycdick

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This is what I think:

When someone seems to act irrationally in a situation when they are usually level-headed and predictable, it sometimes means that there is something else going on behind the scenes that finally raised its ugly head. I suspect, in this situation, that your girlfriend has felt that she has been the giver...and disproportionately so. While she can usually sublimate her annoyance with this (and in fact may prefer to give rather than receive), her dissatisfaction may have finally burst out in this setting.

This is just speculation, mind you. But I've seen it many times. Consider that she may feel that the sexual exchange is not equal. Talk to her about it. Maybe you have to pay more attention. It wouldn't be the first time that a man failed to understand his woman.
 

Drifterwood

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This is what I think:

When someone seems to act irrationally in a situation when they are usually level-headed and predictable, it sometimes means that there is something else going on behind the scenes that finally raised its ugly head. I suspect, in this situation, that your girlfriend has felt that she has been the giver...and disproportionately so. While she can usually sublimate her annoyance with this (and in fact may prefer to give rather than receive), her dissatisfaction may have finally burst out in this setting.

This is just speculation, mind you. But I've seen it many times. Consider that she may feel that the sexual exchange is not equal. Talk to her about it. Maybe you have to pay more attention. It wouldn't be the first time that a man failed to understand his woman.

Did you miss the part when he said that he had already given her oral?