a little selfishness isn't always a bad thing in bed...

[alwaysguessing]

My first love was like that, but he was a remarkable exception. I've dated or slept with ~50 men and none of the others have been like him. Expecting skills like that just isn't fair to the other men who are actually goodhearted, kind, would treat you well in a relationship, and would happily do anything in bed for you if you only told them what you wanted.

Very much in agreement here.

submissivegirl, I have a question. petite suggests that perhaps you could "tell" a man that you want him to take you wherever you may be and forcefully have his way with you. Would the fact that you had to initiate it, kill the passion and spontaneity, even if he chose to implement it at later point in time?

 

[sbat]

My first love was like that, but he was a remarkable exception. I've dated or slept with ~50 men and none of the others have been like him. Expecting skills like that just isn't fair to the other men who are actually goodhearted, kind, would treat you well in a relationship, and would happily do anything in bed for you if you only told them what you wanted.

I take it you've never experienced the "animal magic"? That very palpable sexual chemistry that was extremely electric? Felt that sudden rush of blood to your lower parts?

I dunno. I get your point about clear communication. But sometimes, things are so obvious that talking kind of just ruins the moment.

 

[sbat]

sbat, your posts are really making me horny tonight :smile:. I think I'll be getting out the vibe before bed . . .

I tend to have that effect.

 

[alwaysguessing]

I tend to have that effect.

Fuck yeah, you already made blow my sticky load all over my spongebob mouse pad.

Sorry, just wanted to ruin the moment. :redface:

 

[B_subgirrl]

And you did It was the spongebob thing

 

[HiddenLacey]

Very much in agreement here.

submissivegirl, I have a question. petite suggests that perhaps you could "tell" a man that you want him to forcefully take you wherever you may be and have his way with you. Would the fact that you had to initiate it, kill the passion and spontaneity, even if he chose to implement it at later point in time?

By time I stumbled through trying to explain to him what I wanted I think I would feel very exposed and nervous. I would be receptive to sex talk, I'm just not very good at initiating it. I think that I could talk about it, but even if I wrote it down I would edit the good parts:tongue: Then I would feel like I was making him do something he may not want. Not everyone wants the same things.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I wouldn't worry about it too much submissive girl. I don't talk much myself but I still manage to get the message across pretty well.

 

[sbat]

Fuck yeah, you already made blow my sticky load all over my spongebob mouse pad.

Sorry, just wanted to ruin the moment. :redface:

Damn dude, what a cockblock:wink:

 

[alwaysguessing]

And you did It was the spongebob thing

I don't know why he really does it for me!!!!!

I just imagine his porous exterior soaking up my slimy discharge, mixed in with whatever crumbs and loose strands of hair he may have picked up along his journeys.

:wank:

 

[dolfette]

Actually, I have to agree with you. Rejecting a guy for being nice in bed the first time doesn't bode well for actually finding a man who will treat you nicely in a relationship.

bullshit.

in my experience there's no correlation between the two.
there's a difference between being an arsehole in bed and giving in to passionate need, animalistic desure and wonton lust.
if he's not even passionate the first time, when the sexual tension is perhaps at it's highest, then i don't hold out much hope for sexual compatability.

men who don't treat women well don't get as far as the bedroom.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I don't know why he really does it for me!!!!!

I just imagine his porous exterior soaking up my slimy discharge, mixed in with whatever crumbs and loose strands of hair he may have picked up along his journeys.

:wank:

You're on fire tonight AG :smile:

 

[HiddenLacey]

<<<< pulling out paper to write down everything Dolfette says for future reference!

 

[petite]

I take it you've never experienced the "animal magic"? That very palpable sexual chemistry that was extremely electric? Felt that sudden rush of blood to your lower parts?

I dunno. I get your point about clear communication. But sometimes, things are so obvious that talking kind of just ruins the moment.

Oh god yes! So many times I've felt that kind of chemistry!!

My first time with TheBoyfriend was like that, but nothing could ruin the moment because that chemistry just never went away! I felt that electricity from the very beginning of our first date, which began with the best kiss I've ever had in my entire life! I've never wanted anyone more than I wanted him.

After dinner we made out for about 4 hours, went to his house, I was naked in about 30 seconds, we made out some more and he went down on me, and I told him I wanted him and that's when he told me that he didn't have any condoms because he didn't want to assume that we were having sex that night. So we got dressed, looked up the address for an adult bookstore that was open, drove 15 minutest there, bought condoms and a vibrator, drove back to his place, and had sex. None of the chemistry ever dissipated for a moment and it is an incredible memory!

Now you would think that getting dressed, looking up the address for an adult bookstore, and driving there and back again would ruin the moment, but for some reason, nothing could seem to penetrate our attraction to one another. It wasn't possible for the moment to be ruined. :smile:

 

[alwaysguessing]

You're on fire tonight AG :smile:

LOL!

I hear that from all the ladies! :wink:

 

[B_subgirrl]

<<<< pulling out paper to write down everything Dolfette says for future reference!

She's good isn't she? I can only ever find polite ways to put things (eg. I wouldn't reject them the first time). Dolfette just says it. You're our mentor Dolfette :smile:

 

[HiddenLacey]

Oh god yes! So many times I've felt that kind of chemistry!!

My first time with TheBoyfriend was like that, but nothing could ruin the moment because that chemistry just never went away. ! I felt that electricity from the very beginning of our first date, which began with the best kiss I've ever had in my entire life! I've never wanted anyone more than I wanted him.

After dinner we made out for about 4 hours, went to his house, I was naked in about 30 seconds, we made out some more and he went down on me, and I told him I wanted him and that's when he told me that he didn't have any condoms because he didn't want to assume that we were having sex that night. So we got dressed, looked up the address for an adult bookstore that was open, drove 15 minutest there, bought condoms and a vibrator, drove back to his place, and had sex. None of the chemistry ever dissipated for a moment and it is an incredible memory!

Now you would think that getting dressed, looking up the address for an adult bookstore, and driving there and back again would ruin the moment, but for some reason, nothing could seem to penetrate our attraction to one another. It wasn't possible for the moment to be ruined. :smile:

I understand what you are saying petite, you had talked to him a lot before then. You felt liek you knew him and trusted him. Makes the clothes ripping off alittle easier:wink:

 

[dolfette]

By time I stumbled through trying to explain to him what I wanted I think I would feel very exposed and nervous. I would be receptive to sex talk, I'm just not very good at initiating it. I think that I could talk about it, but even if I wrote it down I would edit the good parts:tongue: Then I would feel like I was making him do something he may not want. Not everyone wants the same things.

i find it kinda snowballs.

he kisses you, you kiss back like you're hungry and he picks up on that. grab his head, pull him close and he'll likely respond in kind. when he does, make your enjoyment obvious.

shit...i've had virgins duct tape me to the bed and ravish me for four hours solid! and i mean ravish. with his mouth, his hands, his cock, his whole body.
for the record, he was a perfect gent for our entire relationship.

igniting fires is fun!

 

[HiddenLacey]

She's good isn't she? I can only ever find polite ways to put things (eg. I wouldn't reject them the first time). Dolfette just says it. You're our mentor Dolfette :smile:

I'm very realistic.... I think me looking up a a guy and saying he's an "arsehole" would get me laughed at. Even when I try to come off bitchy it turns into something silly.

 

[sbat]

Oh god yes! So many times I've felt that kind of chemistry!!

My first time with TheBoyfriend was like that, but nothing could ruin the moment because that chemistry just never went away. ! I felt that electricity from the very beginning of our first date, which began with the best kiss I've ever had in my entire life! I've never wanted anyone more than I wanted him.

After dinner we made out for about 4 hours, went to his house, I was naked in about 30 seconds, we made out some more and he went down on me, and I told him I wanted him and that's when he told me that he didn't have any condoms because he didn't want to assume that we were having sex that night. So we got dressed, looked up the address for an adult bookstore that was open, drove 15 minutest there, bought condoms and a vibrator, drove back to his place, and had sex. None of the chemistry ever dissipated for a moment and it is an incredible memory!

Now you would think that getting dressed, looking up the address for an adult bookstore, and driving there and back again would ruin the moment, but for some reason, nothing could seem to penetrate our attraction to one another. It wasn't possible for the moment to be ruined. :smile:

The state of mind that gets me into animal mode is the same state of mind I'm in when I play rugby or soccer and am in the "zone," where everything is intuitive and instinctive. This supposedly correlates to a certain brain wave frequency, but whatever. Point is, that you're right, the actual attraction doesn't wane, but the moment of animal passion dissipates with too much thinking and talking, and has to be built up again. At least for me.

Then again, I tend to get annoyed when I'm ready to go and someone is still shouting instructions to me, so to speak. There's a time for talking and a time for sexing.:smile:

 

[petite]

bullshit.

in my experience there's no correlation between the two.
there's a difference between being an arsehole in bed and giving in to passionate need, animalistic desure and wonton lust.
if he's not even passionate the first time, when the sexual tension is perhaps at it's highest, then i don't hold out much hope for sexual compatability.

men who don't treat women well don't get as far as the bedroom.

I never meant to imply that you meant that anyone was an "arsehole." I never said that. Arseholes have not come up in this discussion.

Being nice in bed towards you doesn't mean that he feels no passion towards you.

I meant that a guy who is nice in bed the very first time might just be nice in bed the very first time and the fact that he's trying to be nice in bed indicates that he's considerate towards you and wants to please you. If he's asking you what you want, it's because he cares about that. So just tell him!

Rejecting a guy because he shows consideration for your wants and needs seems like you might be rejecting a guy who is worth giving a chance and who might be considerate and kind in other aspects of your relationship as well.