A lonely place to be....

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by Nycoto, Oct 19, 2009.

  1. Nycoto

    Nycoto New Member

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    This is my first time posting. I'm 29 yrs old. I'm having this problem...it's been happening for a long time now and no one knows....but me. I'm having trouble getting hard...and staying hard too. I'm not getting hard and I have been taking OTC pills from the porn store to have sex with my wife. It's not her, at least I don't think it's her...I really just don't know what it is...I'm scared. It started 4 years ago...I couldn't get it up once...she cried, I felt like shit and a little while later I got it and we had sex fine. It happened a few more times like that , since we were always having sex at her place and she would get paranoid...her paranoia would fuck me up. But i think the damage was done...I have slowly been spiraling out of control for years. We used to have sex and she would come and then basically stop me from continuing , so I would never come, she would get offended when I tried to finish myself off...she would hurry me up with comments like "come already" so I would stop since I wasn't anywhere near finishing...there were several times that she "hurt" me down there because of her inexperience and poorly timed moves, creating in me an aversion to woman on top(she jammed down on me incorrectly causing some pain). she doesn't perform oral sex! and she expects me to be hard and ready asap. as if kissing gets me ready, like it used to. the times she tries oral are when I can't get it up and well, I don't want a pity blow-job...so that doesn't help! all these issues created a growing sense of dissatisfaction with my sex life, that I feel that I have never been ever to get over...now I basically make sure we can have sex by timing it with my pill taking...but how can i keep doing this? without her knowing about it?. We are buying a house and have been living together for 10 months and she still doesn't know...I don't have the heart to tell her. I love her and I can't stand the idea of hurting her...but what now? I will not consider leaving her either since I don't think that Love or Lust (I mean I want to fuck her...I just can't) is the issue here. I don't even feel anything in penis anymore...I'm uncut and can practically run my nails on my head and feel nothing...maybe she "hurt" me more than I know...I haven't been to the doctor because I don't have insurance. Right now I'm pretty sure that I'm addicted to these pills...first it was Rise 2, then it was Stiff Nights and Size Matters, which works great BTW...but I want to get off this shit, but I can't since my dick doesn't seem to work without them...sure I get erections in the morning...that go semi-hard to flaccid as soon as I wake up...I can masturbate, barely..as soon as I stop stroking it goes soft. hilariously the most success I have getting hard and staying hard for a little while is when I'm reading a book on the toilet...it's as if as soon as I pay attention to it, it goes soft. it's a lonely place to be...and I don't know what to do... :(
     
  2. D_Pubert Stabbingpain

    D_Pubert Stabbingpain Account Disabled

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    First, welcome to LPSG.
    Second, this started when you were 25, before you were married? It sounds like you need a real deep and long conversation with her and you need to sit down and talk with her *before* you get in any deeper financially with buying a home. Of course, there are always 2 sides to each story but it sounds to me like, although you are meeting her needs, she is not meeting yours. You have to be open and honest with her about this.
    Third, dump all the pills, they are crap.
    Forth, you don't say where you are from but because of your well-written English I am thinking someplace in the States. Scrape up enough cash to get to a doctor or one of those neighborhood clinics and don't let them Rx Viagra to you. You need to make sure you did not injure your penis.
    Fifth, you have some psychological issues to overcome but they all sound related to how you two are not relating and communicating to each other. The enighborhood clinic may be able to refer you to a low or no-cost counselor that can help.
    Sixth, *DO NOT* do nothing! You are way, WAY too young to allow your life to be ruined by this.
    Best wishes.
    :smile:
     
  3. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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    I'm with 15shooter here. This kind of thing happens to unhealthy men, not a man embarking on his 30s in a loving relationship.

    Go see a doctor, mate. Get yourself checked out down there.

    All the best.
     
  4. Cougar

    Cougar New Member

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    I feel bad when I see men fall in love but they are unsatified sexually.

    It reminds me of the line by Henry David Thoreau:
    "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation"

    You have one go around that we know of here on earth so choose your path with care. The one you are going down could lead to years of quiet desparation or cheating.
     
  5. Incocknito

    Gold Member

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    Usually these things are psychological. Not getting/staying hard one time can make youanxious the next time ("performance anxiety") and then it becomes a vicious cycle.

    Assuming you are physically fit and have no underlying medical issues then the problem is most likely in your head.

    However, having a wife/partner who doesn't allow you to cum is an extra cause if not "the" cause of the problem. It puts a lot of pressure on you and again can lead to anxiety.

    Perhaps you should try abstaining from masturbation/trying sex and just cuddle with and fondle your wife/let her cuddle and fondle you. In a few days or a few weeks you should have stockpiled hormones which will give you your sexual drive back.

    If that doesn't happen or for extra support, you should see a cock doc as someone has already suggested. Although if the problem is psychological, no pill is going to fix it.

    Stress at work and other things are also known to cause these sorts of problems.
     
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