A look into the psychology of single sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Jonesy, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    As with all my psychiatry-based threads, I tend to pull the ideas from analysis of my own problems and life. This one I think you might find interesting, and is a bit of both to do with trying to solve my own issues as well as exploring the idea with you guys.

    This is the situation. As I am getting older my conscious and guilt is getting much higher every time I have sex. I presume if I were in a long-term relationship or even a very casual relationship I may be ok, but when it comes to meeting someone and having sex with them once or twice, I hate myself for it.

    For example this past week, I literally decided to go home instead of having sex even though I wanted to, and even the little stuff we did do I felt guilty for it, and don't know why I did it. It is strange.

    My theory so-to-speak is that as I am getting older my sex drive must be lowering or I am simply looking more for a real relationship sub-consciously. I don't understand how people can go out and 'pull' for a night and feel fine about the emptiness it leaves in their heart. Needing sex like that feels like a weakness, and a painful thing to do to somebody if they potentially like you.

    Any thoughts or experience of other people here having similar scenarios?
     
  2. maxcok

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    If you feel that way, why don't you try dating someone and developing a relationship first before having sex, rather that going out looking for a hookup?
     
  3. silvertriumph2

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    When I read the title of the thread....I immediately assumed by "single sex" you meant self sex or masturbation.

    My belief is that the science of human behavior called psychology is not against the act of self-love and it's a great thing....but, I see this is not what you meant.

    Regarding your seemingly dislike of casual sex, I wonder if it might be caused by a deep seated indoctrination due to a strict religious upbringing. I have to admit that I am unable to enjoy casual sex for this very reason, and so find enjoyment only when it is in a committed relationship. I have stopped, walked away and gone home from a sure thing a number of times for this very reason. Of course, I have not always followed this and let my member rule...and then later felt guilty, too. Even though I failed to follow my feeling at times, it still was foremost in my mind.

    What I think you should do, is what
    maxcok said.
    I believe you are putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. What you need is to just date and get to know them first. I know it can be hard some times (pun intended), but stop looking just for sex.....and let sex come when it is right between you and your partner. Then it will be a wonderful time to be had by both with mutual satisfaction and no one will be disappointed and it will not be painful to anyone.

    Ok, maybe there will be some sensitive parts...:biggrin:
     
    #3 silvertriumph2, Apr 13, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2011
  4. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    Well I have other issues when it comes to finding a GF but slowly I think I am coming round to the idea again... I will be meeting a lot of new people in the new academic year so we will see what happens there!

    But for now, having sex is strangely out of bounds for me. Not sure why!

    I am not so religious, I think it is more a moral issue... I have high morality values. I am not looking for sex though, right now I am just thinking about it.
     
  5. airc3

    airc3 New Member

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    Every time I've made out with a girl I've felt really guilty about it. No idea why. I can only imagine how I would feel if I actually had sex.
     
  6. Gecko4lif

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    I love the apathy of youth. I dont feel bad about anything. Ever.
     
  7. AdaramC

    AdaramC New Member

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    Jonesy, I would tend to lean more with the sub-concious idea. I would say you're probably at a stage where you want more. As for myself, I cannot have casual sex. I've only had sex with my ex, and the one time I tried with a stranger, I made him stop mid way, cause it didn't feel right emotionally.

    Even "hooking" up without anal sex leaves me feel dirty or sometimes even depressed, because at the end of the day, I have no one there that I care about, nor cares about me that way. Maybe it's because I've always been a relationship type of person, or maybe its just because I'm not the type to hook up.

    I just think that you are becoming more self-aware both internally and externally.
     
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