A Major Loss - Mourning

nakedwally

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2006
Posts
3,078
Media
37
Likes
393
Points
303
Age
43
Location
Plantation (Florida, United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
A man who I have spent the vast majority of my adult life with passed away in the wee hours of Sunday morning. My partner of 15 years, my friend, my travel companion and everything else in between is gone.

Sexually we had stopped being compatible and did fool around with others, however we loved each other and going through the thousands of photos of the past 15 years I can see that. Multiple breathing complications, an infection, topped off with a flu shot when he had an infection caused him to get really sick really fast. He did not want to go to the hospital and his request has always been for the past 12 years was to die at home with the person he loved most.

His family were always nasty to him and I really wish they weren't a part of this process but they are. They are vicious and jealous and I really wish they knew how much he really did love them, regardless of how nasty they were to him.

Being so close to Christmas brings me into a different kind of depressed funk. Between friends at church and my cat I am slowly getting through this. Building a relationship with someone for 15 years and then all of a sudden they pass away is really really not easy. I did love him and I still do. I needed to express what was going on. The end of a beautiful relationship through death is definitely not an easy thing
 

japetty

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 16, 2010
Posts
1,061
Media
2
Likes
3,233
Points
443
Location
New Mexico (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Very sorry to hear of the loss of your loved one. It is very tragic when we lose a loved one. It is always best as I am sure you observed to let a person spend their last moments in their home with the ones they loved most. I hope to get to spend my end of life with my wife in our home. Hopefully even with my son, that would mean more to me than anything. I am sure your being there with him made it so much better with less pain. You are such a good person to be there and care for him in those last moments.
 

ohiorod

Mythical Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Jun 12, 2014
Posts
5,582
Media
0
Likes
25,573
Points
483
Location
West Virginia (United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Please know that others care about you and while you spent his last days taking care of him, it is now your turn to take care of yourself. The feelings you will go through are all normal and each of us have to grieve in our own way and on our own schedule. Please accept the love and concern that that your friends at church bestow upon you and treasure the memories of the good times that you had together. I also lost a partner that I loved very deeply and I remember that first year as one of the worst in my life. But eventually, the pain begins to subside and it is not so much the loss that dominates your brain, but rather the good times that you shared. I wish you the healing that you will need and the love of your friends to get through this.
 

groundsmen

Loved Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Posts
240
Media
0
Likes
620
Points
138
Location
Sydney (New South Wales, Australia)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
A man who I have spent the vast majority of my adult life with passed away in the wee hours of Sunday morning. My partner of 15 years, my friend, my travel companion and everything else in between is gone.

Sexually we had stopped being compatible and did fool around with others, however we loved each other and going through the thousands of photos of the past 15 years I can see that. Multiple breathing complications, an infection, topped off with a flu shot when he had an infection caused him to get really sick really fast. He did not want to go to the hospital and his request has always been for the past 12 years was to die at home with the person he loved most.

His family were always nasty to him and I really wish they weren't a part of this process but they are. They are vicious and jealous and I really wish they knew how much he really did love them, regardless of how nasty they were to him.

Being so close to Christmas brings me into a different kind of depressed funk. Between friends at church and my cat I am slowly getting through this. Building a relationship with someone for 15 years and then all of a sudden they pass away is really really not easy. I did love him and I still do. I needed to express what was going on. The end of a beautiful relationship through death is definitely not an easy thing
Am terribly sorry for your loss.
 
  • Like
Reactions: nakedwally

amazzzed2

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 8, 2012
Posts
3,487
Media
1
Likes
4,742
Points
558
Location
Anaheim (California, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
A man who I have spent the vast majority of my adult life with passed away in the wee hours of Sunday morning. My partner of 15 years, my friend, my travel companion and everything else in between is gone.

Sexually we had stopped being compatible and did fool around with others, however we loved each other and going through the thousands of photos of the past 15 years I can see that. Multiple breathing complications, an infection, topped off with a flu shot when he had an infection caused him to get really sick really fast. He did not want to go to the hospital and his request has always been for the past 12 years was to die at home with the person he loved most.

His family were always nasty to him and I really wish they weren't a part of this process but they are. They are vicious and jealous and I really wish they knew how much he really did love them, regardless of how nasty they were to him.

Being so close to Christmas brings me into a different kind of depressed funk. Between friends at church and my cat I am slowly getting through this. Building a relationship with someone for 15 years and then all of a sudden they pass away is really really not easy. I did love him and I still do. I needed to express what was going on. The end of a beautiful relationship through death is definitely not an easy thing

I'm sorry for your loss. I understand how difficult this is for you.
I'm glad you are getting support from people at your church for this. Keep utilizing their help, and you will get through this loss.
Take good care of yourself.
 

51arledge

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 11, 2010
Posts
1,924
Media
8
Likes
4,756
Points
393
Location
Virginia
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
My condolences, nakedWally.
I have almost lost my husband so many times that I stopped counting. And he has lost so much physical, emotional and mental capacity in the last 12 years that I mourn him already.
Be grateful for the fact that you had a deep love for so long, and let yourself be comforted by your friends and your church family. Be kind to yourself in all of the ways that he would want for you.
Peace.
 

TheMeatyProfessor

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Sep 20, 2016
Posts
273
Media
13
Likes
2,111
Points
413
Location
Kentucky (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
Keep your partner in your heart always. That's a home you can't be rid of. Mourn and cry, then please surround yourself with loved ones. No one should be lonely this time of year. Please take care.
 

nakedwally

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2006
Posts
3,078
Media
37
Likes
393
Points
303
Age
43
Location
Plantation (Florida, United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and nice messages. I am not completely alone Francis the Cat keeps me company, she is wonderful and honestly that's what is keeping me going, I depend on her as much as she depends on me. For Christmas a group of us that originally did not have plans for Christmas are going to Chinese Buffet and then hanging out afterwards. This way none of us will be alone for Christmas. Christmas eve will be my usual church service. It will be difficult and it has been difficult, having to go and pay for his cremation and make memorial service arrangements has not been easy, but I will get through, I have to.
 

aldawg

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 2, 2007
Posts
730
Media
179
Likes
27,694
Points
598
Location
Georgia
Verification
View
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
Your heartfelt words really stirred me. I wish you peace and comfort during this holiday season and during the year to come. It is obvious that you cared very deeply for him, and yes, you will get through this. As you say, you really have to...and this will also honor the love and memory of your dear friend. Cherish your memories and grieve for him....losing a loved one it tough, but you will make it.